UPDATED APR 06, 2022
You’re so narcissistic,” we say when we see someone taking selfies or admiring their physique in the mirror. But true narcissism goes beyond selfies and quick glances in the mirror. A true narcissist suffers from narcissistic personality disorder—NPD, for short. Which begs the question—how can you tell if the difference between someone who’s self-absorbed, and someone who’s a true narcissist?
Someone who suffers from NPD believes they are superior to others, has little regard for other people’s feelings, and walks around with ultra self-confidence. This is all to cover their fragile self-esteem. That being said, everyone in the world goes through periods of insecurity, and sometimes it gets displayed through a false bravado or big ego, which again begs the question: how can you truly know if you’re dating a narcissist? After all, narcissists are master manipulators, and it’s easy to fall victim to their charms and be fooled.
So, is it a big ego, or something more? Keep on reading to learn the 8 signs you’re dating a narcissist, and what you can do to deal.
Big ego? 8 signs you’re dating a narcissist:
1. They were charming and romantic in the beginning
Narcissists are master salespeople, and they will use flattery and charisma to get your attention, make you feel special, and lure you in. There’s nothing wrong with courting someone in the initial stages of a relationship, but for a narcissist, it’s a means to an end. They’re laying the traps to get you exactly where they want you, all being alluring and attractive. They will do this until they get what they want, and once a narcissist has you where they want you, their behavior will suddenly switch up.
2. They gaslight you
The term gaslighting refers to manipulation and emotional and psychological abuse, and it is one of the biggest signs of a true narcissist. A narcissist will trick you into thinking differently by spinning the truth, falsely accusing others, spewing blatant lies, and ultimately distorting your reality. The end goal of someone with NPD is to make you see the world through their perception, and gaslighting you will help them achieve that.
3. They never apologize
Narcissists can’t apologize because they either can’t see, are unwilling to see or, quite frankly, don’t care when they’ve done something wrong. Similar to gaslighting, narcissists tend to make others believe that they’re the ones who have done something wrong and have something to apologize for. This will often leave the other person apologizing profusely and walking around feeling guilty and responsible for something they shouldn’t.
Related: 7 Telltale Signs a Relationship Is Toxic
4. They’re manipulative
Narcissists have an uncanny ability to trick you into getting what they want while making you believe it was your choice all along. They manipulate others for self-fulfilling purposes, and when you’ve done something to upset them or are done with you, they will turn on you and lash out.
5. There’s a lack of empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, and it’s something that narcissists lack. They may seem to care about your feelings—especially in the beginning—but after a while, they’ll often act indifferently when you try to talk to them about your feelings. They will also seem disconnected from their emotions and the emotions of others.
6. React negatively when they don’t get their way
Narcissists love feeling superior to others and being in control, so when they don’t get their way, they tend to react negatively and, sometimes, explosively.
They may use emotional coercion such as blaming their partner, guilt tripping them, calling them ungrateful, threatening to withhold love and affection, or act like they’re the victim in the whole thing. They may react with anger, a temper tantrum, ridicule, personal attacks or sarcasm, and sometimes may even take the passive-aggressive route by giving you the cold shoulder or silent treatment. All in all, they typically react in a way that is emotionally distressing for the subject of their anger.
7. They constantly put others down
Someone with NPD thrives off of feeling superior to others, and they also feel entitled to that feeling of superiority because of their diluted sense of self-importance. Narcissists tend to put others down—including their romantic partners—to disguise their low self-esteem. They belittle others to make themselves feel better.
8. Lack of commitment and follow-through
There are many reasons why someone won’t define a relationship, and narcissists tend to have trouble with it, too. A narcissist typically has difficulty committing and following through in all areas of life. They may be stringing you along to feed their ego and insecurity, be committed to you but not serious about it, and so on and so forth.
So you think you’re dating a narcissist… here’s what to do:
If you suspect that you may be with someone suffering from NPD, you should not tell them. Someone with NPD is not going to react well to hearing that and, truthfully, it is not your place to diagnose or fix them. Only a true medical professional can diagnose someone with NPD and figure out a course of treatment. As a partner, that’s not your job.
Dating someone exhibiting many, if not all of, the signs mentioned above is going to take a massive toll on your mental health, emotional well-being, and self-esteem—if it hasn’t already. It is emotionally exhausting and taxing to be with someone who constantly belittles, gaslights, criticizes, and manipulates you. Leaving and letting go of a toxic relationship may be difficult, but for your own sanity, you need to.
How to break up with a narcissist:
In all honesty, the best thing you can do is sever ties completely. Don’t offer them an explanation or give them a second chance—block them so you can truly focus on yourself and healing. Yes, it will be difficult, but in time, you will get through it. Lean on friends and family to help you in the immediate aftermath, and look for fun, healthy, and productive activities and outlets, such as exercising, journaling, meditating, etc.
It’s also important to remember that none of this is a reflection on you—they’re incapable of loving anyone other than themselves. You deserve someone who will treat you right and love you for exactly who you are.
Additionally, since there’s a good chance that your view of reality will be warped from your time with a narcissist, consider seeing a therapist to help work through your emotions and everything you experienced in the relationship. Talking it out with a professional will not only give you the tools to heal completely, it’ll also help you recover from the damage that was done and give you the chance at having a normal relationship again in the future. In time, you will feel like yourself again and have happiness if you make the commitment to take care of yourself in the first place.
DISCLAIMER:
The information in this article is intended for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical or professional advice. Always consult a physician or any other professional health care provider regarding any health, relationship, or wellness questions or concerns you may have.
