Look around you. How many people do you think are settling in their life? Unfortunately, the answer is probably a lot of people you know. It’s not uncommon for us to hold ourselves back in life, which is probably why we often hear older people reminisce about the things that were and the things that could’ve been; but are fear and regrets something any of us really want to live with?
I recently had a deep discussion with someone about this topic, and it got me thinking about all of the ways we can trick ourselves into not pursuing what really makes us happy, or how we can avoid dedicating all of our time to what we love. I couldn’t help but wonder: why do people hold themselves back in life? Well, the reasonings and excuses are quite simple, and can stem from a multitude of things. Everyone’s unique in their own way—no two people are going to have the same things to offer—but it’s crazy to think about the untapped potential that we all could unlock if only we tried.
Are you holding yourself back in life? Below I’m going to break down the possible reasons you could be settling, the signs that point to yes, and what to you can do to break the cycle.
You could be holding yourself back because of…
- Fear
- If you’re passionate about something but are worried about diving in because you think you’re too old, it’s too late in your life, and you’re scared of what could go wrong—you’re probably holding yourself back out of fear. Probably the #1 reason why people hold themselves back in life, fear can stem from a lot of places, sometimes unknown, but it’s important to recognize what you’re actually afraid of. In most cases, it’s fear of failure. Nobody wants to fail at anything they do, and the idea that something unplanned could happen and things could go wrong is enough to frighten most people away from actually doing something. Nailing down what you’re most afraid of will help you see things more clearly, and also allow you to find more confidence in pursuing your dreams.
- Excuses
- This is another common one because of the fact that people will often find every reason to not do something. If you find yourself in that situation, try thinking about all of the reasons you should be doing it instead. Also, saying things like: “I don’t know, the timing just isn’t good right now. I’ll probably hold off for a little bit,” is a form of validating your reasoning behind holding yourself back. Plain and simple? It’s an excuse. You don’t find excuses for going to the job you don’t like or doing annoying household chores, so why would you make an excuse that prevents you from bettering your life and happiness?
- Comfort zones
- This is a big one particularly for people who are scared of change. A comfort zone is a place or situation where someone feels safe and at ease without stress. For example, you could find yourself sticking to the things you know instead of venturing out and trying something new. Maybe you’re doing this because you’re scared of what could happen, or you’re scared of messing up a decent life. Whatever the case may be, not straying outside of your comfort zone and finding reasons not to is a way you could be holding yourself back. We all have comfort zones in places and people, and you may find you’re keeping yourself in those comfort zones because you’re afraid to leave that safe space. Shaking things up and change is scary and difficult for a lot of people, but we can’t grow and evolve if we don’t do it and make ourselves step out of our comfort zones.
- Lack of discipline
- If you find that whenever you start something new you go at it hard for a week straight only to give up, there’s probably a lack of discipline on your end. Discipline is crucial if you want to stop holding yourself back in life. Forcing yourself to do things and keep on going when you don’t want to or whenever you’re scared is what will lead to greatness. If you’re disciplined enough to go to your job every morning, then you’re more than capable of disciplining yourself to pursue what makes you happy.
- Lack of belief in yourself
- If you find yourself doubting yourself in every aspect of your life—especially before you start something new—that’s another form of holding yourself back and settling. Tieing into everything listed above, all of those things will ultimately lead to lack of belief in yourself. Marilyn Monroe once said: “Always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie?” If you don’t believe in yourself, you’ll forever be stuck in your comfort zone. You can’t convince other people to believe in you if you don’t have that same belief yourself, and this will ultimately lead to complacency and settlement.
How to break the cycle:
If you’re serious about not settling in life and really want to stop holding yourself back, then it’s important you understand that it starts with you. Ultimately, at the end of the day, you and only you can stop holding yourself back—no one else can do it for you.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to STOP WAITING! I constantly hear people of all age groups say, “One day I’m going to do this,” or, “One day I’m finally going to take that vacation,” and even: “One day I’m going to do what really makes me happy.” You need to get rid of that mindset. The waiting around and the “one-day’s” will only allow life to pass you by, and daydreaming will only lead to settling. I personally don’t believe in bucket lists for this reason—I live by the fact that if I have the means and capability to do something or go somewhere, I’m going to go out there and do it. Nothing in life is guaranteed, and life is way too short to waste time writing down what I’m going to do in the future. I try to live for today and today only. That’s not to say that mentioning dream vacations isn’t something I do—because it certainly is—but I know that when I finally know what’s going on with my neck and am in the clear health-wise once again, I’m going to go to the places I want. It’s good to dream big, but dreaming and making those dreams come to fruition are two different things. Nothing in life will come to you, you have to make it happen for yourself.
With that being said, it’s also important that if you have a passion you want to pursue that you do so for yourself and not for fame or money. Things like fame and money will only drive success away and turn you off from your goal altogether. Also, you want to make sure that you rely on your strengths and utilize them. As I said already, we’re all unique and different in our own way—don’t try to be the next (insert celebrity name here), focus on being the first you. Knowing this will also help you truly believe in yourself more.
Don’t talk about it, be about it. It’s scary to step out of comfort zones, and things in life don’t always go as planned. Life is chaotic, and in all of this madness, it is meant to be lived and enjoyed. Stop waiting, get rid of that fear, embrace the unknown and stepping out of your safety net, and unlock all of your inner potential and greatness. Sometimes we fall down, but we can always get back up again. We’ll learn a lesson and move on; we’ll be fine. Do it for yourself, so you can look back in 40 years and say: “Wow, I did it. I really, really did it.”
