Tips for Dealing with a Partner Who Has an Injury

All injuries will impact your life. The more significant the injury, the more significant the impact. With injuries comes a whole slew of emotions and new situations you’ll find yourself suddenly in. Watching your partner suffer or go through something difficult is hard enough, and watching your partner go through an injury is no exception.

It’s very common for injuries to inflict stress and tension in one’s life and their loved ones as well. Injuries can be hard for both partners, and are definitely a major test on the relationship. When someone’s injured, it’s common for them to retreat into themselves and stop communicating with their S.O, or even feel like a burden for suddenly needing extra help and being unable to carry out normal tasks like before. Additionally, it can be hard for people to watch their S.O in pain—no loving person wants that for anyone they care about—and it can also be hard to sit back and feel helpless when you can’t take away their pain. Injuries also bring a lot of uncertainty. It can be scary if someone’s out of work, if you don’t know whether or not the injury will be permanent, and even when you’re unsure of what comes next. All of this is going to add extra stress to the already building tension the injuries inflicted.

I say all of this as someone who is (unfortunately) well-versed in dealing with injuries myself, throughout my relationship, and with an injured partner as well. In fact, my boyfriend recently tore his pec, which left no one in our household able to lift anything.

Every circumstance will vary from person to person and relationship to relationship. Regardless, it’s still important that both the injured party and the non-injured party learn how to cope with the injury so neither one ends up carrying an emotional burden that will only weigh them down in the end. In fact, developing and practicing good coping mechanisms will only help speed up the healing process and get both of you out of this dark chapter faster. Here’s how to block out the outside noise.

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Tips for dealing with a partner who has an injury:

• Be there and available for them. There is no worse feeling in the world than helplessness. It sucks when you go to do something that you normally could on your own before and are suddenly reminded that you can’t (like washing your hair). Being there and available for your partner will help curve this unnecessary reminder that will only hinder the recovery process.
• Don’t let them feel like a nuisance. Going off of the point above, it’s an equally sucky feeling when you feel like you’re pestering someone because you need help. (Trust me, I know.) An injured person is already going to feel down, and they’ll feel even worse if they feel like they’re bothering you. Make sure you reiterate to them that you don’t mind helping, that it’s not a problem or a bother, and that you want to help. Don’t get aggravated if they ask for help; and if you’re in the middle of something when they do, tell them you have to finish something up quickly and then you can help. When I was recovering from my shoulder surgery there’d be times when I’d ask the people around me for help and they’d get mad at me.
• Create a positive environment for them. The environment and energy surrounding us factors in big into your day-to-day lives and has the ability to transform them positively or negatively, and I can’t stress enough how to important it is for someone who’s injured to live in a positive environment. Being surrounded by negative energy will make the recovery 10 million times harder, and will actually hinder the process. I know this because I’ve been through it myself. The environment after my shoulder surgery was so negative, and I know that not only did it add extra stress to what was already a stressful time, I think it definitely slowed down the healing process a little. Your body is under enough stress when dealing with an injury, don’t make it worse by being surrounded by negative energy.
• Let them heal in their own time. Outside noises and unwarranted opinions, with everything in life, are frustrating; they distract you, and make you second guess yourself. If your partner’s dealing with and recovering from an injury, it’s important that you let them heal in their own time and don’t add to that extra noise. I think it’s important to listen to professionals, and you should encourage them to keep moving forward and get better, but don’t push them. Additionally, an injured person usually knows their limits; they’re usually able to tell what they can and can’t handle, and there’s nothing more annoying than having people in your ear making you second-guess yourself and all of your decisions. I’ve had to deal with this both after my shoulder surgery and with my neck, and I can confidently say that when people aren’t chirping in my ear and distracting me, I can better focus on getting better and healing. Make sure you don’t add to the outside noise your partner’s hearing. Allow them to heal in their own time.

• Listen and let them vent. One of the most aggravating things in life is feeling like your emotions aren’t valid. If your partner’s injured, allow them to vent to you when they need to. When your partner’s venting, try to just listen to them rather than reassure them that it could be worse or that they’ll be better in no time etc. Everyone needs to get their emotions out in life or else they will eat them up and consume them, and there’s a difference between venting and getting something off your chest and throwing a self-induced pity party. Lend a listening ear to your partner and know that there will be things that you can’t fix.
• Find ways of dealing with the change on your own. Injuries—especially major ones—will have a big impact on your life. If your partner’s life has changed, yours probably has too. It can feel overwhelming watching someone you love in pain and not knowing what the next steps are; all of this will be new for you, too. If you want to be supportive and strong for your partner, you need to find positive coping mechanisms and ways to release stress. Making sure you exercise, get some fresh air, journal, meditate, or even do some deep-breathing are good examples of positive coping mechanisms.
• Get support and ask for help. It’s important that both you and your partner get support and are able to ask for help when you need it. Most people don’t want to admit when they can no longer do something they once could so easily, and they almost become ashamed of this. As a partner, it’s important that you recognize this sort of behavior for what it is and have people you can reach out to for help when you need it. I actually had to do this recently when my boyfriend tore his pec leaving no one in our household able to lift anything; I had to reach out to my family and ask for help when we needed it because it was the smart thing to do. I was able to learn to ask for help after my shoulder surgery, but most people are usually too prideful to reach out and admit when they need it. Establish a good and strong support system for both you and your S.O, and discuss with your partner the reality that you’ll both need to ask for help from time-to-time, and that there’s nothing wrong with that. If you don’t do this, both of you will end up carrying an emotional burden that will only weigh you down in the long-run.