Earlier today I was talking to someone about how, when it comes to my neck injury specifically, it manages to cause a lot of stress in my life; which in turn, spirals into every other aspect of it as well. It’s always this thing that’s looming over my head; it’s something that brings up painful memories of a certain time in my life and the aftermath following it. Although it’s something that I’ve been carrying around for nearly 4 years, there will be times, like as of late, where it releases something more inside. It resurrects something that will trigger my brain to go into fight or flight mode and secrete all these stress chemicals and hormones. Essentially, it’s a trauma that’s getting re-triggered and scrambling up my mind to the point where it’ll have me second guessing myself and everything else, and creating unnecessary adrenaline that will leave me feeling drained once the stress chemicals finally dissipate. The same goes for any trauma—our bodies will always have this sort of reaction. A lot of us probably have traumas that trigger us that we’re completely unaware of. This isn’t something new. Over the last year, I’ve realized that my neck specifically is a huge trigger for me. It symbolizes much more than an injury—it symbolizes the loss of a dream, a very dark time in my life and my relationship, and something that’s essentially sent me on a never-ending merry-go-round for nearly 4 years with nothing to show for it.
But my neck isn’t the only thing I have to stress over in my life. Like everyone else in the world, I have other things to deal with, other stressors to take care of and handle; some big—like death and grief—and others annoying—like going to multiple doctors appointments 3 days in a row. The conversation I had earlier this morning got me thinking about how I used to handle stress in my life versus how I handle it now. There will always be ups and downs no matter how stable, grounded, or good something is—that’s life, after all—but I know that my ability to take on and manage stress is night and day different than what it used to be. I may have a lot to deal with, especially in terms of my neck and living with chronic pain, but I’ve learned through a journey of self-help and self-discovery all of the healthy ways I can deal with and manage stress in my life. Knowing how to deal with stress is important because stress won’t ever leave. Sure, there will be moments of bliss, but stress, at one point or another, will pop up again. Being able to manage that is the key to it all.
I’m at a point in my life now where I don’t have to take care of or worry about anyone else but myself. Sure, I’ll worry and look out for my boyfriend because I care about him, but he’s an adult and is capable of taking care of himself and making his own decisions, he’s just my partner; it’s not the same as looking after another tiny human or even a pet (thank you, allergies, for saving me on that one). My only responsibility is to myself, and I sure as hell make sure to capitalize on that; I do everything I possibly can to ensure I’m taking the best care of myself. I definitely have a lot of traits of an empath—someone who feels and takes on the emotions of others as if they were their own experiences—especially when it comes to those I’m close with, which is why I make sure that I do everything I can to take care of myself and put myself first so I won’t get overloaded with emotion and bring unnecessary tension into my life. In the past, I’d always put everyone else’s needs before my own, until one day, I realized just how draining it truly was on me. I finally thought to myself, “hey, wait a minute. I’m only a teenager/ in my early 20’s—why am I putting other people before myself? This is what I don’t have children or pets for.” That was a big moment for me, and it finally allowed me to break way and really start focusing on my own self-care and sanity; I was driving myself insane putting everyone else before myself and taking on their own wants, needs, and stresses as if they were my own. It only amplified the stress that I was already going through.
Taking care of myself first and foremost along with creating healthy boundaries has brought me to a point in my life where I’m able to help the people I love when they’re stressed and not take their stress on as if it were my own; it’s also allowed me to stay more grounded during extra stressful times. I think it’s important for everyone to make sure they take the time to take care of themselves. If you don’t, you’ll never be able to decompress, and that stress will only keep building and building, and seep into every other aspect of your life.
Speaking of things seeping into every other aspect of your life, have you ever noticed how when one thing triggers stress, suddenly everything else in your life seems to be stressful? Or you’ll start thinking of worst-case scenarios because you’re so stressed? Yeah, me too. Two things that have really opened my eyes and given me the insight to identify the sources of my stress are meditation and journaling. Every day after I shower I meditate, and I follow that by journaling about my meditation session. Meditation allows me to bring myself up to a higher consciousness, which ultimately helps me pinpoint the real source of my stress—which is a huge positive. I love meditating not only for this reason, but also because it allows me to just be for a little bit, despite whatever chaos I may have going on in my life. It allows me to enter into basically a state of nothingness, and gives me the opportunity to remind myself that I am fine, and everything else is going to be just fine. It helps me see things more clearly, and whatever comes my way, I feel better equipped to handle. It gets me past all the background noise and right to the heart of the issue and what I have to do to tackle it. It’s an extremely grounding and gratifying feeling, and I really believe there isn’t anyone in the world who wouldn’t benefit from practicing meditation.
Meditation will usually bring me some insight and clarity, but journaling is really where I do my most vigorous work. When I first started meditating, I decided that I would write down how each session went just so I’d have a little diary for myself to look back on. From that, my journaling post-meditation turned into a deeper way for me to work through all of my thoughts and emotions, while at the same time releasing them from inside myself so I no longer had to carry them anymore.
Whatever I’m feeling after I meditate I write about. Whatever epiphanies I had while meditating I’ll write about, and on the days I don’t have any realizations, I still write. If I had a good session or a not-so-good one, I jot it down; if I’m excited about something, I’ll write that down too. It doesn’t have to be this big realization every single time, and it doesn’t have to be negative. The other day I simply wrote: amazing session! Looking forward to date night tonight! I write without thinking about what I’m saying or whether or not it makes sense—I simply write everything that comes to mind. In doing so, I end up releasing and working through all my emotions. I’m usually able to dive deeper and really find out why I’m so stressed and what’s causing it, and what I can do to make it better. This is so helpful when it comes to managing stress because it allows me to see what’s really going on underneath it all, and also gives me the insight I need to figure out what to do next. It’s very cathartic and helps keep my head clear on a day-to-day level, but especially when I’m feeling overwhelmed. This is also another exercise I truly believe everyone in the world can benefit from; it gives everyone the opportunity to work through all the extra noise and really get to the core of what’s going on, and where you can go from there.
Another thing that’s really helped me manage stress is keeping everything in my life as organized as possible. I’m fully aware of the fact that control is, at the end of the day, really just an illusion; however, I still try to control what I can control—and that means my schedule. Through my journey of self-discovery I’ve learned a lot of my triggers, and because of my accident and how trapped I felt after losing everything and spending nearly all of my time going from doctor to doctor for years and years and years, I realized one of my biggest triggers is feeling like my life isn’t my own, or that I’m a prisoner to my own life. After my accident, I felt like everything in my life had been taken away (which it was), and that I had no say in it (which I didn’t). It’s an extremely powerless and helpless feeling. This is why I do the best I can to stay organized. If I’m organized and don’t procrastinate, I feel better equipped to handle whatever pops up that’s outside of my control—because I know that at the end of the day, things will happen. I keep all of my appointments in my calendar and set reminders for myself so I’m covered in case I ever forget anything, and I always plan for my week ahead. I write everything down—and I mean everything. Appointments, to-do lists, grocery lists, which blog posts will go up and when; you name it, I’ve probably written it down. I do this because writing everything down is so helpful! It gives you clear-cut directions and what you need to do/get done, which is huge in the moments that you’re feeling overwhelmed, and also when it comes to preventing you from feeling overwhelmed. Do you know how much of a relief it is to know exactly what I have to and want to get done when I wake up in the morning? It’s amazing; and keeps me from feeling like I’m drifting around aimlessly throughout the day. Maybe micromanaging things seems a bit crazy, but I feel like by creating and keeping these schedules, I’m also better at letting go and surrendering to whatever happens. If something does come up that messes with my schedule, I don’t stress about it because I’m fully aware of what will get moved around and what I’ll need to change. I’m better at adapting. By creating a schedule, I’ve become more go-with-the-flow; which is pretty much the most freeing feeling ever. Having some guideline to follow will help you feel more grounded in moments of stress. I also always make any appointments for the morning, that way I’m not sitting around waiting to go to something all day long. I like to get things out of the way first thing, that way I can focus on and devote all my attention to my work afterwards, rather than looking at the clock every 5 minutes to make sure I’m not running late. Also, I make sure I stay ahead in my work. So should something pop up, I don’t have to worry about falling behind with the blog.
Additionally, I’ve also noticed a major difference when it comes to managing my stress levels through exercise. Although I can’t do much besides walking outside or on the treadmill with a workout band , but I’ve found that getting up and moving first thing in the morning really wakes me up and gives me mental clarity for the day. It helps me see that I can get everything done that I have to, and that everything is going to be fine. Of course there are days where I can’t workout, and I don’t stress over it like I used to (bye-bye, body dysmorphia), but on the days I’m able to, I make sure to get up and workout first thing in the AM. Plus, AM workouts have major benefits.
Lastly, I’m very honest with myself and others about what I can handle. I’ve learned and know what my limits are, so I don’t ever bite off more than I can chew. Creating these types of boundaries is helpful when it comes to preventing extra stress and feeling overwhelmed. I know I hate when I have a million things to do in one day because I hate rushing around everywhere (I think I’m scarred from my childhood because my mom did this and was is always late, sorry, mom!), so I won’t load up my plate with commitments and errands that aren’t as important and high on my priority list on the days that I’m busier. I despise rushing around and procrastinating; I hate being late, and my schedule will reflect that. I think everyone needs to be real with themselves and others about what they can handle. I’ve had people laugh at me for the fact that I hate running around like a chicken with my head cut off, but I really could care less. I’m not about to risk my mental sanity over someone else’s opinion. Knowing what you can handle and making sure you stay within those limits is key to not overloading your plate. We all have enough going on already anyway, why add more to it if you don’t have to?
At the end of the day, I know there will always be stressful things that come up in my life, and there will always be things outside of my control. These practices are what I’ve found to be the most helpful in navigating rocky times and getting through them with my mental health still intact. I feel like the more I learn and the older I get, the more I continue to learn about handling stress and all other fun and not-so-fun aspects of adulting. I’m excited to continue learning and growing more, but for now, I’m pretty happy with how I’ve managed to navigate.
