One of the only life lessons school really taught me was that money is the only thing that makes the world go round. I learned that in fifth grade, and it’s stuck with me till this day.
Money is an interesting subject. When brought up, it elicits different feelings and responses in everyone. Money and handling finances needs to be discussed with your S.O, especially if you’re in a serious, long-term relationship, or are planning to tie the knot soon. It’s something you and your partner need to be on the same page for. Regardless of how you feel about the subject, there is no right or wrong way to manage finances in a relationship. I think now, more than ever, couples are switching up the way they handle money and bills, which is again why it’s so important to make sure you and your partner are in agreement about it—it poses the threat of a potential relationship deal-breaker.
All of this brings me to the main point of this post: how my boyfriend and I handle finances as a couple. I’d like to think we have an old-fashioned approach with a few modern-day twists and flair. As of right now, we both have our own, separate bank accounts, and a small, joint investment account. In the future, we plan on keeping all of these accounts and adding in a joint bank account as well that would be for household funds, etc. When the time comes, we’ll both figure out how much money we’ll each put in and all of that fun stuff.
Now, you might be wondering: what’s the point of having a joint investment account? The goal of our joint investment account is to slowly build it up and invest in stocks that pay dividends. Instead of cashing the dividend checks when we get them, we’re going to invest it right back into the account and buy more shares of whatever stock we have an interest in whenever we can. Over time, after investing and building the account up, the dividend payments will be enough to cover any household bills, mortgages, loans, etc. It’s like a joint back account but better—because the money stacks up rather than just sitting there.
The joint investment account is something that we discussed and dove into recently. My boyfriend’s been really studying and getting into the stock market as of late, and was the one who suggested the idea in the first place. I was on board immediately because when I was born my great uncle—who was also heavily into the stock market—bought me shares of AT&T. I wasn’t aware of the fact that I owned any shares or was receiving dividend payments until I turned eighteen; my parents had been shelling away my dividend payments and birthday/Christmas money into a nice little bank account for me my entire life. All of this is to say that I’m well aware of the benefits of investing in a good-paying dividend stock. I love how my boyfriend and I share an account that can grow over time, it makes both of us happy knowing we’re investing our money wisely.
The one joint account and separate accounts is something we were both in agreement on from the beginning of our relationship. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always wanted to be independent when it came to money; that’s always been very important to me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to work hard, and I never wanted anything handed to me. I think maintaining some sort of independence is important for your self-esteem because it makes you feel proud. There’s nothing better than knowing that your hard work is paying off. I know my boyfriend agrees.
With all of that being said, money is not a taboo or secretive subject in my relationship. In fact, both my boyfriend and I know what the other one has in their bank account, and we talk about money openly and freely, which is something that happened naturally. My boyfriend and I really are a team. Whenever one of us is down financially (i.e like myself in the aftermath of losing everything in my car accident), the other one helps out. Being able to help someone you love is actually really gratifying. Regardless of the situation, you help pick your S.O up when they’re down, that’s what you do in a relationship. It doesn’t have to be financially, it can be spiritually, mentally, etc. Despite the fact that we both technically have our own money, both of us still feel like it’s money for us because we’re a team—there are no walls up between us, we’re a unit.
My boyfriend is really chivalrous, and that’s one of the things I truly love about him. In the seven years we’ve been together, he’s never once asked me to pay for anything. This has only made me want to spoil him and return the favor more. Whenever I decide to spoil him and treat him to a night out, I love how he asks me to pass the credit card under the table or give him cash beforehand because he doesn’t want to look like anything less than a gentleman. When it comes to things like going out, the person to pay will usually be the one who suggested it in the first place or announced ahead of time, “I’m going to pay tonight.” Neither one of us believes in splitting the bill with your S.O. Whenever you ask someone out or tell them you’re going to be taking them on a date, you normally don’t turn around and ask them to split the bill with you when it comes, or ask them to pay after you told them you were going to be treating them in the first place. To me, splitting bills is for friendships, not relationships. IMO, splitting a bill with your S.O shows a lack of being united, it seems like people who are still keeping their walls up.
Just because you don’t split the bill with your S.O doesn’t mean that you’re any less independent, it shows that you’re opening yourself up to your partner by allowing them to treat you. I think a lot of people rely on money to define their independence and strength, they look at it as their safety net. But in all honesty, what screams boss more than returning the favor and spoiling your partner on a night out?
As I’m trying to get back on my feet following my car accident and two life-altering injuries, and still trying to figure out what in the world is going on with my neck, my boyfriend has really had my back. He’s constantly reassuring me that he doesn’t mind covering certain things for the time being because he wants me to get better, build up this blog, and focus on my writing in the meantime. In return, I make sure to cover things like groceries and all of that fun stuff.
Everything we’re working on right now is for the future—our future—as a couple. Of course I want to build this blog up and reach all of my other goals for myself, but I also want to do it for my relationship. I want to be successful, I want to be able to live the life I want and share it with the person I love. My boyfriend’s told me that one of his biggest motivators is being able to give both of us the life we want. That’s what happens when you’re a team—you’re on the same page about everything.
As I said in the beginning, there is no right or wrong way to handle finances. It’s important that you’re open and transparent with both yourself and your partner when it comes to money. Don’t sway your beliefs and feelings to fit someone else’s. Be firm in where you stand. This is what works for my boyfriend and I. I’m very happy with it.
Check out my latest confessional on why I’m so over the topic of kids here.
For all confessionals, click here.
