There may come a time in your relationship where neither one of you knows whether or not you can come back from it. You may be scared of what could happen if you decide to go your separate ways, you may be terrified of getting hurt again or hurting the one you love—so many different scenarios and possible outcomes, who’s to say which one is the best? And where do you go from here, how can you possibly begin to rebuild?
Contrary to popular opinion, when your relationship hits a low, dark place, there is a way to rebuild and get back on track; you don’t have to throw in the towel and move on. Throwing in the towel is the easiest thing to do, which is why people tend to give up rather than work on repairing what’s been broken. Staying and fighting for your relationship takes a lot of strength and courage, but if your relationship is worth fighting for, here’s how to do it. This is how to rebuild your relationship.
How to rebuild your relationship:
Take responsibility + own up to mistakes
The first thing both of you need to do is take responsibility for your mistakes and own up to them. It takes two to tango, and if you want to repair your relationship you’re going to need to explore where you went wrong and where you messed up. This will help take into account what caused the damage that led to the situation you’re currently in. Even though you may not be the one who seemingly messed up worse, there’s a good chance you probably helped contribute to the deterioration of the relationship, so both parties need to be open to seeing their part. When I messed up in my relationship in the past, it wasn’t until I owned up to my mistakes and stopped pointing fingers and putting the blame on my S.O that I was able to truly move on, heal, and rebuild.
It’s also important that neither one of you point fingers and put the blame solely on one person. Saying things like “I only did this because…” or, “I wouldn’t of done that if you hadn’t…” are classic examples of someone not owning up to their mistakes and role in the demise of their relationship. It’s easy to point fingers and make excuses, but doing so won’t get you anywhere, and you certainly won’t grow and learn from it. Until both of you take ownership for your own mistakes and can identify where you were weak, you’ll never be able to begin rebuilding your partnership. Besides, someone who’s serious about moving on and rebuilding won’t make excuses and will have no problem owning up to their mistakes.
Don’t be hypocritical
So commonly do we see people berating others for how they live their lives, yet they turn around and go and do the exact same thing. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and if you’re chastising your S.O for something, you better make sure you’re not doing it yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s after your partner has messed up and you think what you’re doing isn’t nearly as bad, it’s still immature and unproductive. Don’t go and one up your partner if you’re serious about making the effort to stay with them.
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Explore your feelings
Rebuilding your relationship is not going to be easy, there will be a multitude of feelings throughout, which is why it’s important you stay open and mindful to all of them. Also, it’s important to communicate to your S.O what you’re feeling and why. If you’re in the process of repairing everything, they have a right to know. Neither one of you should be judged or shamed for feeling the way you do, all of it will be valid.
Exploring your feelings and being mindful of them is key. If you’re having a tough time moving forward, try to figure out what’s holding you back. Are you scared of getting hurt? Are you scared to put your all into something again? Why are you having a hard time letting go? What’s holding you back? These kinds of questions will be tough, but they need to be answered in order to move on. It’s also good to keep in mind how the ego is affecting your outlook on everything. A lot of times when we have a hard time letting go and moving on it’s because our ego is getting in the way. Our ego, more than anything else, is the one that’s wounded. Identify which emotions stem from the ego and from yourself. This will be a tough period for your relationship, but also a time of major growth for yourself as well.
Forgive yourself + your s.o
You can’t move on unless you’ve forgiven someone. If your partner is the one that messed up, granting them that forgiveness will not only allow you to finally be free of what’s weighing you down, it will allow them to finally move on and focus on the next steps of rebuilding. If you’re the one who’s seeking forgiveness from your partner, after you’ve taken ownership of everything, you can begin to forgive yourself. Carrying guilt and shame inside will weigh you down in the long run.
Commit 100%
You’re either all in or you’re all out. You can’t do anything in life half-assed, and if you truly want you rebuild your relationship, you need to be all in, 100%. Putting in 50 or 70 percent won’t work because it will keep both of you in relationship limbo, and allow both of you to hold on to and grow feelings of resentment. If you find old memories and feelings popping up, you have to remind yourself that you made a choice as an adult to move forward with this person. No one made the choice for you, so don’t let yourself fall into relationship limbo if you’re serious about getting back on track with your S.O. You’ve probably felt what it was like to be stubborn and headstrong and want to push that person away; instead of doing that, channel all of that energy and focus into the commitment of rebuilding the relationship. Commit fully to whatever it is you want to do. Once you’re both there, putting change into action will become easier.
