The word “fetish” tends to evoke images of masks, whips, latex bodysuits, and the Red Room from 50 Shades of Grey. And while that’s not exactly incorrect, the truth is sex fetishes are very common. In fact, there’s a strong chance you’ve already played around with them on some level. That being said, diving into and safely exploring the world of sex fetishes can be overwhelming and intimidating, to say the least.
A fetish is sexual excitement in response to an object, body part, or item of clothing. Typically, fetish is used interchangeably with the term kink, which is an activity or behavior in the bedroom that exists outside the “norm” or “traditional” sex. A kink will get you aroused, but a fetish is something that needs to be present in order to experience arousal. Some common fetishes include but are not limited to:
- Feet
- Lingerie
- Bondage
- Latex
- Body Piercings
- Balloons
The truth is that what turns you on is nobody’s business but your own, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of any of your fantasies, and keeping a fetish repressed can really take a toll on your sex life and relationships. In fact, expressing your desires is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself and your sex life. So, if you’re ready to take the sexy steps to dive into this world, you’ve come to the right place. Keep on reading to learn how to safely explore the world of sex fetishes.
How to safely explore sex fetishes:
1. Communicate ahead of time
Before you can dive into the hot world of fetishes, the first thing you need to do is talk to your [sexual] partner. Two big, important keys to exploring new sexual activities are communication and consent. Everyone needs to be on the same page before you can get busy.
Admittedly, opening up to your partner about your desires and fantasies can be a wee bit intimidating, to say the least. To make things easier, have this conversation outside the bedroom, when the time is right. It could be over a dinner with just the two of you, or after a couple drinks (not too many—neither one of you should be tipsy during this very important convo!).
Discussing this in the right setting and when you’re both in a good mood will make it easier for you to communicate, and your partner will be more receptive to what you have to say because they won’t feel ambushed and the timing will be right.
2. Keep it positive
You should feel absolutely zero sexual shame about your fantasies and desires, and talking about them should be a positive and exciting thing. Explain what turns you on and why you think it’d be hot to try together. Talking about what excites you may also excite your partner even more, and they may be more inclined to try it out. Try opening with something along the lines of: “There’s something new that I want to try that I think would be really hot, and we’d both enjoy.”
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3. Be truthful
When it comes to a sex fetish discussion, it’s better to overshare than under-share. Be truthful about all of your desires; you don’t want to surprise your partner or make them feel uncomfortable at any point. Having an honest conversation about everything you want to explore is key to figuring out how to try it out.
If you’re having a hard time fully expressing yourself, don’t be afraid to use some visual references. It could be a steamy scene from a movie, a magazine or website article, a book, or even porn. You could also encourage them to check out sites, forums, and group chats if they’re interested in learning more or want to talk to others about the same fetishes. Of course, you can do any of these things alone or together.
4. Keep the discussion open
It’s important that your partner also has a say in the discussion. Ask them how they feel about exploring your fantasies and if they have any of their own. Hear them out, and be open to what they have to say. Being receptive to their wants is only going to make the entire experience more enjoyable for both of you.
5. Be willing to compromise
As nice as it would be to live in a world that completely revolves around you, when it comes to the bedroom, it’s imperative that you’re both comfortable and secure. If your partner isn’t 100% on board with your entire fantasy, that’s OK—it doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t explore your fetish.
Try to come to a compromise you both feel comfortable with that still incorporates elements of your fantasy. This will be especially helpful in the beginning, and may eventually lead you and your partner to exploring fetishes more deeply, which could be a win-win for both of you.
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6. Make a plan and start slow
Finally: what you’ve been working up to all along. Once you’ve finally discussed everything and come to a compromise, you can then make a plan to carry things out. Starting slow is a good idea to ease you and your partner into this new territory. Don’t be afraid to enlist the help of some aphrodisiacs or cocktails to loosen you up if you’re a bit nervous.
Establish what both of your boundaries are, and have a safe word that can be used if things get a little too overwhelming. Having a plan you’re both comfortable with will make you both feel safe in the bedroom, which is key to successfully exploring fetishes and kinks.
