Absence makes the heart grow fonder–or so they say. In truth, when you’re in love with someone, spending a lot of time apart isn’t all that appealing. It’s completely normal to want to spend as much time with your S.O as possible, to have the chance to wake up next to them, go on dinner dates, new adventures, and more. Having that special someone within close distance can also give you an extra sense of security, knowing that if you need them they’ll be there, and vice versa. In a perfect world, there would be no obstacles–no circumstances that take one away from the other through things like jobs, school, or the military; there would be no money problems or travel difficulties, no family emergencies, basically, just no life to pop up and throw a wrench in your plans.
But we don’t live in a perfect world, and sometimes life does happen, and through certain circumstances, we find ourselves miles and miles away from the person we love. Suddenly, we find ourselves in a long-distance relationship–LDR for short.
Being far apart from the person you love can seem like a major threat to the relationship, but it doesn’t have to be. Although LDRs can be difficult and challenging, they can survive. It is possible to make them work, and with technology, it’s actually easier than ever for a long-distance relationship to survive. Of course it may be easier to navigate an LDR for some people than others based on circumstances, but regardless, there are many things both you and your partner can do to prevent distance from ruining your relationship.
Below I’ve broken down all the tips to make a long-distance relationship work. Keep on reading to learn how your LDR can survive, and how you can use the time apart to strengthen your bond.
Tips to make a long-distance relationship work:
- Be fully committed to each other and the relationship. Like anything in life, a LDR is all about commitment. In order for the relationship to succeed, you both need to be 100% committed to each other and making it work, regardless of the circumstances. This means that you both are willing to try and put 100% of your effort forward, and you will treat each other and the relationship as if you’re not separated by distance. If you’re not committed, you’ll end up second-guessing the relationship and starting fights over every little thing, which will only put a strain on the relationship.
- Establish and maintain trust. No relationship can survive long-term without trust, so it only makes sense that in a long-distance relationship, trust needs to be established. Much like not being fully committed, not having that sense of trust will cause fights, tension, and ultimately put a strain on your relationship. Both of you should show that you’re worthy of being trusted by being honest with each other about the details of your life and day, and reminding one another how much you care.
- Schedule and prioritize time to talk to one another. It’s very likely that your schedules will vary, so it’s important that both of you talk about and work through scheduling and prioritizing times to talk to one another. Discuss how often you should be texting–do you like little check-ins throughout the day, or would you prefer longer and deeper texts at night? Realistically, how often do you think you’ll be able to talk? This will lay out the expectations both of you can have when it comes to communicating going forward. Whatever decision you come to, it’s important that you’re both satisfied with the level of communication. Additionally, when it comes time to talk to one another, honor that. Don’t blow off or make excuses as to why you can’t do it; both of you should be making the time you communicate, video chat, etc. a priority.
- Be flexible. You can’t plan for everything in life, and though you should be prioritizing time you talk with each other, there will be times where that schedule gets thrown off. Life will happen, and when it does, it’s important that you’re both flexible. Try to go with the flow, and remember that this is only one time. If it isn’t an isolated incident and becomes a pattern over time, you may want to reevaluate the relationship and where you stand.
- Do things together apart. Thanks to technology, so much of the world is at our fingertips. Try finding a show you can watch or book you can read alongside each other; or you can both try cooking a new recipe at the same time over zoom and enjoy the dish together afterwards. The possibilities are endless! Doing things together apart will not only give you something in common, it’ll give you a shared activity to talk about and discuss.
- Focus on connecting rather than just talking. Anyone can ask the mundane, “how was your day?” or, “what did you eat for breakfast?” type of questions. Instead of making small talk, focus on really connecting with each other. Share the most intimate parts of your day, talk about your feelings, what’s on your mind, what your goals and dreams are. Don’t be afraid to have deep talks or stimulating debates and discussions. All of this will help you become more connected even though you’re farther apart, and will only strengthen the relationship. Also, when you are talking, make sure you’re both present; being present will also help you connect.
- Be vulnerable with each other. Opening up will help strengthen that emotional intimacy, and ultimately bring you closer together. Be honest with each other; open up about your innermost thoughts and feelings, uncertainties, insecurities, and doubts. This will give your partner a chance to be there for you (without actually being there), hear you out, and support you going forward, and vice versa. It’ll be reassuring for both of you to know that no matter the distance, you can still have each other’s back.
- Keep that physical intimacy alive. Just because your miles apart doesn’t mean that your sex life has to die. There are numerous ways to keep your sex life alive in a LDR, and with the help of technology, it’s become even easier. You can start off by penning and sending flirty texts, emails or letters to one another talking about your feelings, fantasies, and desires; sending nudes is also a fun option too. Phone sex is another great way to embrace your sex life in a LDR. Get creative and do sexy video chats, or take it a step further and record sexy videos and/or audio recordings and send it to your S.O. There are also a lot of sex toys that can be controlled via apps, so your partner can still get you off electronically. Just make sure you’re doing what you feel comfortable with; over time, doing this kind of stuff will probably get easier, and you’ll both get a lot of enjoyment out of it.
- Try to see each other IRL whenever possible. This may be easier for some than others based on circumstances, however, if it’s posible to meet up IRL, make plans to do so when possible. Make it a priority and follow through with it. If you need to save money in order to travel, set aside some dough each week so that in time, you’ll be able to. Whatever the case may be, prioritize spending time with your S.O in-person whenever possible. Schedule times to see each other and stick to them.
- Try to stay positive and look forward to the end. The good news is that LDRs aren’t forever. Recognize that this is only temporary, and make the most of it! Enjoy time with your friends that you normally wouldn’t have if your S.O was in town; take up new hobbies and try new things. Although it’s hard, neither one of you will want to be continually reminded of how much being apart sucks, and neither one of you will want to hear any negativity when you do talk to each other especially since it’s not a regular thing. Make the best out of your situation, and try your best to stay positive. It’s OK to tell each other that you miss the other, but don’t let that longing become a sore subject and overshadow everything else. Talk to each other about the end, make plans for what you’ll do when you’re finally together again. Most importantly, get excited about your future together, and look at this as an opportunity to appreciate each other more when you finally are together again.
