If splitting the holidays between two families is a stressful affair, you’re not alone. After all, breaking away from traditions you’ve grown up with isn’t always easy, and trying to come to a compromise that works for you and your partner can be challenging. Needless to say, it can put a damper on what’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of year.
Truthfully, I wish I could tell you that there’s a perfect solution to this problem. But alas, I cannot. However, I can tell you that there’s tips and tricks to make splitting the holidays between two families way easier.
If you’re in a new relationship, a long-term one, or just trying to juggle more families than before, you’ve come to the right place. Below are 5 tips for successfully splitting the holidays between two families, and ways you can make it work as a couple this season. Keep scrolling to learn more.
Tips for Splitting the Holidays Between Two Families:
1. Talk it out together
Start by discussing what each holiday would look like in a perfect world for both of you. What does a holiday look like without stress? Whose house would you go to, and what would you do? It’s important to be fully transparent with one another so you each have a clear idea of what the other one’s looking for. Doing this will give both of you an idea of what the other one is looking for, which will make it easier to compromise.
2. Make a plan and be willing to compromise
As you get older, holiday traditions naturally start to change. Some people have children they want to start their own traditions with, others may have a new job or work schedule that requires them to work on the holidays, some people move away, etc. If you’re in a serious relationship, a good goal to have would be to formulate a plan together as a couple. This will also help you both feel and seem more like a team, and make it easier for both you and your respective families to get used to these new traditions.
However, making a plan might not be so simple. This is where you’re both going to need to compromise a bit. If you’re going to every holiday event together, it’s important that you both recognize that it is highly unlikely either one of you will get 100% of what you want. Again: compromise—it’s all about compromise. This is where knowing what holiday traditions are most important to each of you and which ones you can be more flexible with will come in handy. Whatever you decide, make sure you’re both open and honest with each other during this process so that you both can find a place where you’re equally happy.
3. Split the time as evenly as possible
When it comes to the fairest solution, splitting the time as evenly as possibly is your best bet. That way, you’ll each feel like you’re sacrificing the same amount. For example, you might spend Christmas Eve with your family and Christmas Day with your partner’s. Likewise, you may head to one house for Thanksgiving and the other for December holidays. Or, maybe you alternate every year. Someone will have to sacrifice something regardless of what you choose, but this will likely be the best solution for all.
4. Be upfront with your family members
Leave the surprises for the gifts and tell your families ahead of time how you’ll be spending the holidays. Not only will this help remove extra tension, but it’ll also give everyone time to work out any kinks in their plans.
If you’re feeling anxious about talking to your family, remember you can’t please everyone. Chances are, though, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how they handle it. However, some people may be disappointed or upset initially and that’s OK; it’s likely emotional for them as well. If that’s the case, gently remind them it’s nothing personal and you’re trying to do what’s right for you and your partner. At the end of the day, they’ll come around and understand if they want what’s best for you.
5. Don’t be afraid to start new traditions
Breaking away from old traditions may be hard, but the good news is that you can create new ones of your own. Life is ever-changing, and it’s perfectly fine to change and adapt along with it. Your new traditions don’t have to be anything crazy—they can be as simple as exchanging gifts one-on-one—but they’ll be the ones you carry with you into the future as a couple.
Ideas to Help You Get Started:
If you’re unsure of what to do, here are some ideas for ways you can split the holidays between your families:
Divided down the middle
This is likely going to be the best solution for you and your partner, and it can mean many things. You might opt to see both families in one day, alternate, visit every house for the same amount of time, and so forth. Whatever you decide, compromising is key here.
One for dinner, the other for dessert
If one family eats earlier than the other, try heading to one house for dinner and the other for dessert. You’ll get to see both families in one day, which is a win for everyone.
Alternate
If you have to travel for the holidays, consider alternating between each family. For example, you may spend Thanksgiving with one and Christmas with the other. Or you may opt to see one family in December one year and the other one the next.
Visit everyone
Admittedly, this is probably the most exhausting option. However, it’s the only way to keep every single tradition alive. If you’re up for it, try visiting everyone on the holidays. This will help you gauge how you feel and give you a better idea of what to do the following year.
Host it yourself
If you’re able to, try hosting the holidays in your own home. It’ll save you and your partner a lot of running around, and you’ll be able to bring everyone together.
How My Fiancé and I Do It:
When my fiancé and I first got together 10 years ago, the holidays were a disaster. They mostly consisted of running around like chickens with our heads cut off because we tried to see everyone and keep old traditions alive. Thankfully, though, we’ve finally figured it out.
This year, we’ll be spending Thanksgiving with my family and heading to his for a casual dinner the following day. For Christmas, we’re dividing everything up. My family always does a traditional Italian celebration on Christmas Eve, so we’ll be spending it with them. We’ll have brunch with his family Christmas morning and spend that night at home with our own tradition. Christmas night will be spent in comfy pajamas, exchanging gifts, and watching The Polar Express and drinking hot chocolate before enjoying lasagna.
At the end of the day, it’s all about figuring out what works best for you and your relationship. It’s normal for holiday traditions to change as you get older. Don’t be afraid to start some new traditions with your partner. Chances are, your family and friends will understand. Try your best to not stress; it’ll only ruin all the joy this magical season has to offer.
