Putting on rose-colored glasses is all too easy when it comes to finding love. This is especially true when you’ve invested time into someone, regardless of whether it’s been six months or six years. You want to land your happily ever after, after all, and don’t want to leave when the going gets tough. Which begs the question: What are the warning signs that mean your relationship isn’t working?
Every relationship has its ups and downs, and no two couples are the same. But one thing all healthy relationships have in common is that both partners wake up and choose each other everyday without hesitation. And the bad outweighs the good.
If you’ve been questioning whether you’re with the right person, you’ve come to the right place. No matter how badly you might want to ignore it, you can’t act like nothing’s wrong; and it’s important to address what’s going on before it’s too late. Here are 10 common warning signs your relationship isn’t working anymore:
1. You fight all the time
Contrary to popular opinion, conflict can actually be a good thing; it teaches couples how to work through their disagreements using communication, patience, understanding, and respect. And they end up arguing less as a result. This is why fighting all the time is a red flag. Never-ending conflict and fighting disrespectfully (think: insulting each other, etc.) are signs of dysfunction. Likewise, arguing about the same thing over and over again is also problematic. Ultimately, conflict in a relationship should lead to more empathy, understanding, and intimacy between you. So it’s a warning sign if it doesn’t.
2. You never fight
On the other hand, never fighting at all is also a bad sign. While some couples are able to quell disagreements before they arise, this typically points to something deeper, like being avoidant or scared of what the other person will do or what will happen if you get into a fight. Similarly, this also might indicate that, despite sharing your life with them, you have nothing to argue about anymore because you’re checked out; your indifference suggests a lack of interest.
3. You’re cold and distant with each other
Being cold and distant with each other is also a red flag. Although everyone expresses love differently, there’s always a sense of warmth there. While this sense of love and warmth can ebb and flow during times of stress and busyness, it should never disappear completely. If anything, you should lean onto each other for comfort during hard times.
4. You want a relationship—you don’t want them
Wanting a relationship is not the same thing as wanting them. Trying to convince yourself and others that they’re the one is a red flag; if you have to tell everyone that they’re the one, chances are they aren’t. Similarly, publicly flaunting the relationship instead of your partner is also a bad sign; if you’re doing this, you might be seeking external validation. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of being happily coupled, but that’s not a good reason to stay with someone.
5. There’s no trust or communication
It goes without saying, but trust and communication are vital components of a healthy relationship. And it’s hard to keep a relationship alive when both of them are missing. If you find yourself questioning their loyalty, motives, and whether they’ll stay faithful, don’t trust them to support or take care of you, and can’t talk to them about anything, it might be time to say goodbye.
6. Physical intimacy is unappealing
PSA: It’s perfectly healthy (and normal) to experience highs and lows with your libido, but the thought of being physically intimate with your partner shouldn’t repel you completely. If that’s the case, consider why you’re feeling this way. Sometimes, loss of attraction has more to do with an external factor, like something they did or past trauma, and less with the actual person. However, if there’s nothing external going on and physical intimacy is still unappealing, it’s time to examine what you’re doing in the relationship.
7. You’re the only one making sacrifices
Whether it’s moving to a different state, getting a new job to support your family, or something else entirely, making sacrifices is a no-brainer when you love someone; you want what’s best for them and the relationship, after all. This is why it’s a major red flag when you’re the only one sacrificing and compromising. Not only does this make your partner selfish, but it’s also completely unfair to you. Relationships should be equal, after all, and you shouldn’t compromise for someone who isn’t willing to do the same for you.
8. You both want different things
Having the same goals and values is key to a lasting and successful partnership, which is why wanting different things is a major red flag. Whether it’s having children, getting married, religion, or your career, making it work with someone who isn’t on the same page as you and wants something different out of life will be practically impossible; neither one of you will ever truly be happy, and you’ll always be wondering if you’re missing out on something.
9. You don’t have their back
Having your partner’s back prevents letting outsiders into the relationship. And supporting them publicly comes naturally when you’re in love. So if you’re not sticking up for them or fighting the world as a team, there might be deeper issues going on.
10. You’re unhappy
Above all else, feeling unhappy is the biggest warning sign that your relationship isn’t working. Although you should never rely on someone else for happiness, your partner should make you happier—not the other way around. So if you can’t remember the last time you laughed or felt at ease, it might be time to break things off. Life is short, and you deserve to be in a relationship that adds more to your life rather than taking away from it.
