Why They Won’t Define The Relationship

We’ve all been there—being unable to give a solid yes or no when someone asks whether we’re in a relationship or not. Are we seeing someone? Technically. Are we exclusive? I guess? Is the relationship official? No. Why not? They don’t want to put a label on it. Let’s be real: there is nothing more frustrating than being with someone who “doesn’t want to define the relationship.”

It’s easy to fall into this kind of “relationship.” We get the promise of possibility dangled like a carrot stick right before our very eyes, and we think of all that could and should be, all the good we see in them, the connection we feel. Who wouldn’t want to take it? After all, it seems like it’s right there—why shouldn’t we give it a little more time? And yet most of us who have ever been in this situation probably know all too well that someone who doesn’t want to put a label on things now, never does in the future.

It can be hard to wrap your mind around this, especially when you’ve been acting like a couple already. Not only that, but it can be even more challenging to come to terms with this because we often think it’s a reflection on us; we think that we’re the ones with the problem, that there’s something wrong with us that’s making them not want to define what we are to them and what we’re doing.

The truth is, no matter how good or logical their reasons may seem for not wanting to put a label on it, they’re all excuses for what’s really going on underneath—and life is too short to be stuck in relationship limbo and jerked around by someone who won’t commit to you. Keep on reading to learn the real reasons they won’t define the relationship, and how you can deal with and avoid relationship limbo.

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Why they won’t define the relationship:

1. They see you as something temporary

Someone may see you as something temporary for many reasons such as just getting out of a relationship, wanting someone to talk to so they’re not lonely, and so on and so forth. However, the biggest reason of all is because they’re not in it for the long haul. Chances are, they’re emotionally unavailable, and may be dealing with some commitment issues.

2. You’re a rebound

If someone’s just recently broken up with their ex and they’re suddenly in your orbit 24/7, warning signs should be flashing loud and clear in your mind. If you’re someone’s rebound, they’re looking at you as a quick-fix so they don’t have to deal with their own uncomfortable emotions.

3. They’re not over their ex

Sometimes people choose to not put a label on things because they’re still stuck on their ex. This is even more true for someone who’s newly single. Beware of those who say things like: “I’m just not ready yet,” or: “I just really want to take things slow. Why should we rush it?”

4. They haven’t dealt with their own issues

No matter how hard we try to suppress things and push them down, they always find their way back up again. Someone who’s dealing with emotional turmoil won’t know how to deal with commitment and a relationship, thus applying the “let’s not put a label on it” mantra into their love life. Plain and simple? They’re not ready for commitment, and it shows.

5. They’re keeping their options open

Sometimes someone may choose not to define the relationship because they want to keep their options open. You know the saying “they want to have their cake and eat it too?” That applies here. They want the best of both worlds—to keep you all to themselves while they leave their options open. They want the freedom to explore what else is out there while keeping someone on the back burner as their safety net. When someone does this, they’re essentially making sure they’re available in case something better comes along.

How to deal with + avoid relationship limbo:

Relationship limbo is not a fun place to be. It leaves you feeling confused, hurt, angry, and sad. And the truth is, at the end of the day, being stuck there isn’t fair to anyone. However, it isn’t always so easy to spot and avoid, and once you’re in it, it can be even more difficult to deal with.

How to deal with relationship limbo:

Once you’re in relationship limbo, it can be very hard to get out of. It’s challenging because this person keeps promising that in time they’ll change, that things will get better and that it will all work out—and yet that time never comes. You sit there waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and … Nothing. But you’re already invested in them—why else would you have stuck around for this long? You care deeply about them—possibly even love them—and you want to make things work. You believe, deep in your heart, that there is a way to your happy ending from here.

Sadly, there is not.

As cold as it may seem, the best thing you can do is cut your losses and sever ties with them completely. Will it be difficult? Yes. But will it be worth it in the end? Absolutely. Despite all the promises they make, all the happy memories you share together, the connection you share, there is nothing good that can come from staying in this situation. It’s unfair to you, and you deserve a partner who will proudly show you off and call you their significant other. Remember: if someone won’t define the relationship, it is absolutely not a reflection on you—they’re the ones with their own issues that they need to work out, not the other way around.

How to avoid relationship limbo:

Dating can be exhausting, but keeping yourself out of relationship limbo doesn’t have to be. Being upfront after a few dates with someone with a simple: “What are you looking for?” should do the trick. If they respond with something along the lines of: “I’m not looking for anything serious,” heed that sentiment—it’s a warning sign that they are going to put you in relationship limbo and drag you around if you continue seeing each other. There’s nothing wrong with looking for anything casual or being upfront if that’s what you’re after, but if you’re dating in hopes of finding a partner, then casual is not going to work for you, no matter how you may feel about them. The right person won’t make you wait.

Additionally, learning some of the major dating red flags can also be helpful when it comes to weeding out those who aren’t serious or won’t be a good match for you. It’s also important to remember your worth when you’re navigating the dating scene. It can be easy to fall victim to someone’s charm and good looks and start compromising your values and beliefs. Know what you’re looking for, stay confident in yourself and what you have to offer, and don’t settle for anything less.