I have always been drawn to the ocean. For as long as I can remember, it’s always been my happy place. Water is the most powerful thing in the world, and it’s something I have always admired and respected. Whenever I find myself in need of strength, I’ll imagine a swell rising from the middle of a calm sea—that image of power, of strength, being conjured, drawn together, and rising, is a powerful one. Nonetheless, the ocean has always been the most calming force in the world for me; whenever I’m near it or in it, I feel grounded. I suspect that my love for the ocean stems from the fact that I’ve spent my entire life in Rhode Island—aka the Ocean State—surrounded by 400 miles of coastline and beautiful beaches; or perhaps it’s the rising Aquarius in me that’s always made me drawn to the water. Either way, I digress.
I spent the majority of my childhood summers at the beach. The summer I was going into third grade, I’d been outside at the beach so much that my brown hair ended up getting natural blonde highlights from the sun. Most of my beach days were spent with my brother, best friend, and her sister (and our moms, we did have supervision), and us kids would often spend most of our time in the water boogie boarding or swimming until it was time to eat or go look for sea creatures like crabs, starfish, and periwinkles. Those days spent at the beach are some of my happiest childhood memories.
My boyfriend and I bonded over our shared love for the ocean immediately at the start of our relationship. He had a similar upbringing that involved lots of time by the ocean. His grandparents have a double oceanfront beach house, and he started staying there annually every summer with them and his cousin from the time he was 11 until about 18. In 2018, my boyfriend and I started going to the beach house more, and we spent so much time swimming and chatting in the water with his grandmother. She, too, had an immense love for the ocean. I was dazzled by the beach house. I couldn’t believe a property like that existed; it felt unreal. 2020 was the first year my boyfriend’s grandparents didn’t come down for the summer, and the beach house was left vacant. It was so strange to see this once bustling home full of laughter and love empty. His immediate and extended family would frequent it usually on the weekends, but it was a massive change. One night, late into last summer, my boyfriend said that if the house was going to be empty again this year, he’d love to rent it out from his grandfather for the summer and keep it open for the rest of the family the same way his grandparents always had. It was a brilliant idea, but we weren’t sure if it would actually be feasible or not.
Fast-forward to spring 2021, and we manifested it: we got the OK from his grandfather to go ahead and live there for the summer. The goal was to keep it the way his grandparents always did, with an open-door policy for all family, and keep up or work on specific chores around the house that needed doing. That was that, and we moved into the beach house on June 16, 2021.
There were a lot of new challenges we faced this summer. We had to pay for two houses, deal with my recovery from my radiofrequency ablation, and coordinate different events for his family members that we were hosting at the beach house, as well as coordinate dates for family members to come down and stay. We’re used to running our own household, but hosting people frequently was something new, and sometimes juggling everything (especially with my recovery factored in there) proved challenging at times. There’s an added pressure when trying to live up to someone else’s standard; there’s something different about running a household that you don’t own and technically isn’t yours. It was weird for me at first because it wasn’t my family’s beach house—it was my boyfriend’s, and in the beginning I felt like an outsider playing pretend. We both knew going into this that it was important to honor the way his grandparents always ran it, and we were (and still are) fully aware of how blessed we were to get this opportunity, and we wanted to make sure that we did it right. Interestingly enough, these few curveballs proved invaluable in their teachings. They indirectly forced my boyfriend and I to step out of our own comfort zones and grow individually and as a couple.
Perhaps biggest thing I learned this summer is the importance of communication and having your partner’s back. Seriously—there is nothing more important in a relationship than being a team. I’ve always considered my boyfriend and I a strong team, but this summer definitely tested us in ways we’ve never been tested before. Neither one of us have ever really hosted multiple people at multiple different times, and that was definitely a learning curve. I had to learn how to navigate family, my neck recovery, and Flawless Word. It’s so important to communicate with your S.O and be on the same page as them when either one of you or both of you are doing multiple things at once. Knowing exactly where the other one stands and what’s going on helps eliminate the element of surprise as much as possible. If we weren’t so good about communicating and being on the same page, I know for a fact there would’ve been tension between us. It’s easy to take your stress out on your partner, but doing so repeatedly will only create a fissure in the relationship. We’ve always been good at communicating, but being able to talk to one another and admit when we were struggling mentally or physically was crucial to staying sane.
Another big thing I learned was the importance of self-care, and what it truly means to take care of yourself. I was able to stay grounded and handle everything thrown my way better than I could’ve ever before thanks to my morning ritual. I also turned to the ocean for healing and growing. Every time I went into the salt water I felt like I was cleansing myself and getting rid of any negativity or worries plaguing me, and I would emerge anew. I love swimming (and the salt water was really good for swimming with my neck because of the buoyancy), but whenever I wasn’t doing swimming or snorkeling, I would be floating. I would close my eye’s, spread my arms, kick my legs up, and lean back, and I would then let the ocean carry me to wherever it needed to go. That time spent floating is like a metaphor for life: you cannot fight the current of the ocean, all you can do is simply float along with it; in life, you can’t control everything, so the best thing you can do for yourself is to surrender and go along with the ride. Whenever I was feeling all out of sorts, simply letting myself float in the Atlantic Ocean would ground me tremendously. I swear the ocean has naturally spellbinding powers.
I enjoyed having so much company and spending so much time with my boyfriend’s extended family since I don’t get to see them very often. The beach house is a house meant to be filled with people, with love and laughter; the house felt emptier when it was just my boyfriend and I. It was such a cool experience being able to share the magic of that place with others. I wouldn’t change this summer for the world. It was hands-down my favorite summer ever. Waking up by the place I find so calming and grounding every single day was amazing; being able to walk outside and jump in the ocean felt like a dream. We were so blessed to be able to do this and make so many new memories along the way. We had access to the best sunsets, and we got to watch the most beautiful sunrise in a rowboat early one September morning. I got to play in the ocean with my boyfriend and two brothers (we really love the game jackpot, lol). It was 108 days in paradise, and words can’t even begin to express how grateful I am that I was able to experience all of that and grow at the same time. I guess it’s only fitting that I would have so much self-growth by the ocean.
