Solo Is the New Partnered: Why Self-Pleasure Is Self-Care

I don’t know about you, but I rarely think of self-pleasure as an act of self-care. For me, taking time for myself usually means running a bubble bath, lighting a few candles and settling in with a good book. But after watching season 5, episode 7 of Emily in Paris (“Second Chances”), I realized it might be time to rethink that.

In the episode, leading sexual wellness brand LELO and its top-selling sex toys, the SONA 2 Cruise and SORAYA Wave, make a surprise cameo at a PRIDE celebration in Paris. “The appearance marks a fun, organic moment for the brand within the show’s bold and empowering world, reinforcing the brand’s mission to make people more comfortable and confident in their sexuality,” says LELO.

Seeing a sexual wellness brand woven so naturally into a pop‑culture phenomenon like Emily in Paris got me thinking: Is self-pleasure a vital part of self-care? I tapped a certified sex therapist to find out.

Keep scrolling to learn whether self-pleasure is actually a form of self-care. Plus, tips on how to get comfortable engaging in solo play, along with the best toys and accessories for your self-pleasure journey.

Is self-pleasure a form of self-care?

TL;DR: Yes. Regardless of whether you’re single or in a relationship, “self-pleasure enhances sex and life,” says Dr. Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a certified sex therapist, licensed psychologist and LELO sexpert. This is because taking the time to pleasure yourself allows you to learn your body and stay attuned to it. Learning what you like not only makes your sexual experiences more satisfying. It also makes it easier to navigate sexual changes from hormones, age, stress and so forth.

Additionally, masturbation has serious health benefits. Self-pleasure — particularly self-pleasure that leads to an orgasm — releases “feel-good hormones that decrease stress and help you sleep,” Mintz explains. Beyond that, pleasuring yourself can also decrease pain and tension and feel empowering AF because you’re taking the time to indulge your senses and touch your body. Together, all of these factors can not only help improve your mental and physical health but also boost your confidence.

Ultimately, self-pleasure is a form of self-care because it underscores that you and your needs matter “and that you are taking the time to love and care for yourself,” says Mintz.

How to get comfortable with self-pleasure

Knowing the mechanics of self-pleasure and why it’s beneficial is one thing — being comfortable masturbating is another thing entirely. Feeling weird about masturbation is incredibly common, and the beliefs behind that feeling often run deep. You don’t have to rewrite these beliefs overnight, or at all. If you do want to get more comfortable with solo play, however, these steps can help, and you can take them at your own pace in a way that feels right for you.

Educate yourself

Educating yourself is the first step toward claiming your pleasure and sexuality, says Mintz. Luckily for us, there’s tons of resources for this. For online platforms, Mintz recommends omgyes.com, where you can discover key findings on women’s pleasure and tips and tutorials on how to pleasure yourself. Mintz says understanding the science behind pleasure and the various ways others pleasure themselves is vital; it can make you feel more comfortable masturbating since it affirms you’re not alone.

Additionally, Mintz says reading self-pleasure books, like Sex for One by Betty Dodson, For Yourself by Lonnie Barbach and DIY by Eric Sprankle, can also help. Likewise, Mintz’s book Becoming Cliterate offers a detailed “how-to” chapter about self-pleasure, and “studies show that women who read the book become more orgasmic and feel more entitled to pleasure,” Mintz explains.

Engage in self-pleasure regularly

The saying “use it or lose it” exists for a reason. Libido tends to dip when you’re going through a dry spell, but having sex with yourself regularly can prevent this from happening. The key, according to Mintz, is to “just do it” — and don’t wait until you’re horny. Instead, try scheduling self-pleasure into your calendar. This might look like having weekly dates with yourself, masturbating before bed, after you wake up and so forth. Having this designated chunk of time will ensure you’re making self-pleasure a regular part of self-care. Just make sure you carve out enough time to pleasure yourself fully. Quickies are great and all, but it’s hard to have a fulfilling experience when you’re pressed for time and constantly looking at the clock.

Additionally, creating an environment that ignites your senses will enhance desire. This might look like lighting candles, laying on a velvet blanket or silk sheets, or putting on a sexy playlist. Whatever you decide, sparking your senses and luxuriating will make it easier to relax and will subsequently prime your body for arousal.

What do you need for self-pleasure?

Of course, using your own devices (read: hands) for self-pleasure works. But using the right sexual wellness tools will seriously transform solo sex. First up? Lubricant. Mintz stresses that the vulva shouldn’t be touched dry. And doing so can cause unnecessary pain, friction and micro-tears in the delicate tissue down there — which are headaches you don’t need. Luckily, using a lubricant during solo sex (and partnered) can prevent this from happening. Plus, lube can also make you feel more turned on because we typically associate wetness with being horny, and lube mimics that sensation, explains Mintz. No matter how you spin, using lubricant during self-pleasure is non-negotiable.

Mintz is also a huge fan of clitoral vibrators because they typically let you orgasm more easily and more frequently. Per the Kinsey Institute, 99% of women rely on some form of clitoral stimulation to orgasm during masturbation. This is hardly surprising considering the external part of the clitoris contains 10,000 nerve endings alone.

Beyond enhancing arousal and increasing your chances of having an orgasm, clitoral vibrators give you a variety of vibration patterns and speeds to experiment with. Experimentation can make solo play more fun because you’re not doing the same song and dance every single time. It gives you something to look forward to and the opportunity to discover new feelings and sensations you like.

Toys and accessories to help you along your self-pleasure journey

If you’re ready to explore, these picks can make your self-pleasure journey a little easier — and a lot more fun. A quick note: These are affiliate links, so Flawless World may earn a small commission if you buy through them, at no extra cost to you. If it’s not group-chat-worthy, it won’t make the list. 💌

Water-based formulas are the gold standard for lube, largely because they’re safe to use with condoms and silicone sex toys. This option from LELO does not disappoint. The formula is gentle enough for sensitive skin, and it won’t stain your sheets or leave a greasy finish. Plus, it doubles as a full-body moisturizer that leaves skin silky smooth.

Tiny but mighty, the MIA™ 3 is the perfect travel buddy. It’s discreet enough to tuck into your carry-on, and its lipstick-inspired shape means anyone who spots it will be none the wiser. More importantly, the sculpted tip is designed to precisely target the clitoris for fast, intense orgasms wherever, whenever.

A toy that does it all? Meet the SMART WAND™ 2 Medium. This full-body massager has 10 massage patterns made for sore muscles and satisfying sex alike. And since it’s waterproof, you can easily take it from the bath to the bedroom.

Meet the toy that listens to your body. LELO’s SONA™ 3 Cruise uses sonic wave technology for contact-free stimulation, and its Cruise Control™ feature automatically increases intensity when you press harder. It’s also waterproof, and a partner can control it from anywhere through the LELO app.