I’m not going to lie, I don’t have very many friends. Funnily enough, my boyfriend doesn’t have very many friends either. You may read that and think, “OK, so that means they’ve both alienated themselves from their old friends and only hangout with each other,” and while yes, we really do genuinely enjoy hanging out with each other, we’ve discussed this topic a lot, and we’ve come to the same conclusion every time: it’s because where we live, there isn’t anyone we can relate to.
In life, we naturally gravitate towards people for a reason, it just so happens that some people are more conscientous of it than others. I’ve grown to learn and understand why I have trouble relating to people especially where I’m from because their dreams and goals in life never ever line up with mine. If you feel as though you’ve become stagnant in your life or everything has been bringing you down, it might be time to reevaluate the people in you’re surrounded by. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to cut certain people out of your life completely and never see them again, this just means that you should pick and choose your time around them wisely and carefully. You have to look out for yourself because no one else will.
Below I’m going to break down the signs that the people you’re surrounded by are bringing you down, and what you can do to change it to better yourself and your life.
Signs you’re negatively affected by the people you’re surrounded by:
- They bring you down. If you leave someone and feel as though you’re both physically and mentally drained, you definitely need to limit your time with them. This is a huge indicator I use in my own life to determine whether or not I should keep someone around constantly or limit my time spent with them. If I leave someone’s presence and the following two days I don’t feel like myself, then I know what I have to do. This doesn’t mean I love or care about these particular people any less, it simply means I’m putting myself first. People who negatively impact your life bring you down to their level and ultimately suck the life right out of you.
- Their goals and dreams don’t line up with yours. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go ‘round, which is why it’s important to surround yourself with people who get you and understand your aspirations—not belittle them or put you down. For example, say you’re working towards becoming a successful entrepreneur one day and living out your dream life, you’re not going to enjoy being around people who’s biggest goal is to have four kids and dog; and vice versa. Whenever I hear people talk about the finer things in life and say something along the lines of: “Oh, that costs more than I’ll ever be able to afford in my lifetime,” I make sure to keep my distance because I don’t ever want to surround myself with people who limit themselves and their potential. To me, nothing is too far out of reach.
- Everything is negative. When you’re around people who never look at the bright side in life, you’re going to end up thinking the exact same way. You’ll suddenly find yourself complaining about everything; the time you spend being miserable will outweigh the time you spend being happy, and so on and so forth. No one wants to be near a negative Nancy 24/7, which is why it’s important you take a step back before it seriously impacts you and your life.
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” – Kurt Vonnegut
As I said in the beginning, this doesn’t mean that you have to cut these people out of your life completely. The best thing you can do is limit the time spent around them, however you see fit. Maybe you start off by spending less time with them, and gradually, over time, you begin seeing them just a little bit more because you’re equipped to handle their energy. You’ll know in your heart when it’s time and that you can handle it. None of this by any means means that we shouldn’t love and accept people as they are, as a society we should do that–but we still need to look out for ourselves and find a way to make sure the people we’re surrounded by are bringing out only the best in us. Now, let’s get into how to surround yourself with the right people.
How to surround yourself with the right people:
- Find people who’s goals and aspirations line up with yours. The best thing you can do for yourself is to find people who understand you and what you want out of your life. If my boyfriend and I didn’t have the same kind of dreams, we’d never be able to be together because we wouldn’t be compatible. If you make sure you and your S.O are compatible, you should make sure you and your friends are as well.
- Find people who are able to understand you. This one is easier said than done, because a lot of times people will pretend they understand you and what you want out of life, yet underneath it all they have no idea. For example, my best friend and I have two totally different life aspirations, yet when we talk to each other we’re still able to understand where the other one is coming from, and we don’t ever mock or put the other one down. When I talk to her, I feel like her and I are on the same level. Find people who can relate and understand you no matter what. These are the people worth holding on to, and the kind that won’t ever bring you down or drain you.
- Find people who are smarter and more successful than you. In life we’re always learning, which is why it’s important you find people who are both more knowledgeable and successful than you in the desired field you want to be in. You won’t ever get anywhere if you never expand your knowledge. Successful people are there for a reason, and learning from them is extremely beneficial. Use your alone time as opportunity to learn more about what you want to do and how to succeed.
Aligning yourself with the right people is key to lifting yourself up. All in all, it’s better to have one or two people that you can always rely on, who will lift you up and put you in your place when you need it most, than to have a bunch of people who will only bring you down.
