Despite claiming to be the most wonderful time of the year, the holidays seem to be one of the most stressful times for many people. Instead of a time filled with joy and cheer, it’s a time filled with tension and negative energy. This stress is felt by people individually. Now, factor in travel plans, splitting up time between two families, not going over your holiday budget, and dealing with family members, and it should come as no surprise that the holidays can cause a lot of tension between couples.
On top of all of that, it’s also a time where people can feel pressured to take the next steps in their relationships—like marriage or kids. It’s a significant time of joy, yes, but also change. The new year is rapidly approaching, and everyone feels like it’s time for them to get their lives in order and together.
Navigating the holidays as a couple can be tricky enough when it comes to figuring out to how to split up time between two families, and adding in the extra stress of warding off extra pressure, difficult family members, and money can really take a toll on your relationship. What once seemed like a problemless relationship can suddenly seem problematic.
But the holidays don’t have to be tough for you individually and as a couple. In fact, there are plenty of things you can to do to ensure that this time of year is spent in happiness and doesn’t take a toll on your relationship. Here’s how.
What to remember:
- You’re a team. This is probably one of the most important things you can remember during the holidays. Remember that you and your S.O are a team, which means that you’re capable of navigating this time together, and weathering things like difficult family members, etc. This will also help you maintain a united front during all gatherings, thus making it harder for anyone to worm their way into the relationship.
- Keep discussions in your comfort zone. One of the keys to navigating any and all gatherings in your life is keeping discussions in your comfort zone. Remember, you’re not obligated to talk about anything you don’t want to. My boyfriend and I have dealt with this a lot from outsiders who seem desperate to know what our plans are for marriage. Him and I are on the same page so much so that we end up filling in each other’s responses, or I’ll usually come right out and ask the person why they’re dying to know and care so much about our marriage plans (that usually does the trick). Regardless, it’s important that both you and your partner talk about what your boundaries are for discussions ahead of time. Not only will this make both of you aware of the other’s boundaries, it’ll allow you to be on the lookout and able to come in and save the day should the need arise. Also, don’t forget to remind your partner about any potential surprises or subjects to avoid. My boyfriend and I do this and it always helps keep discussions in our comfort zones.
- Have a game plan. If there’s a family member that’s particularly difficult, talk with your partner ahead of time about how you two will navigate them. The same is true for avoiding certain subjects that most of the time end in a heated explosion, like politics. (Remember when people would steer clear of subjects such as politics and religion? Oh, those were the days, lol.) Subjects like politics allow people to discharge their anger without having to confront and deal with it; it’s basically their scapegoat and gives them permission not to deal with themselves. If you know there’s a topic that’ll get someone riled up, try your best to steer clear of it, and make sure your S.O knows to do the same. Additionally, be sure to talk over time frames with your partner ahead of time. If you have more than one stop to make, this will help the day run more smoothly.
- Make your S.O feel welcome. There’s nothing worse than feeling like an outsider at any event, but this is especially true for a family one. If you’re in a newer relationship, make sure that your S.O feels welcome and is included in conversation. Don’t ditch them and go off and talk for hours with another family member. Also, make sure that your family members are welcoming as well. If they’re typically not, talk to them ahead of time about how you’d appreciate them making your partner feel welcomed. For example, if they have food allergies, try to make sure that there’s something there that they’ll be able to eat. This will help ease a lot of tension between you and your partner as well.
- Don’t let this time change you as a couple. Regardless of how you feel or what you have to do, it’s important that you and your S.O enjoy this time, because it’s such a magical time, especially as a couple. Don’t miss out on making amazing memories together because you’re stressed, stay positive! Choose to be happy, and don’t give in to the pressure of the holidays; at the end of the day, it’s all superficial anyways.
