Everyone knows that the first few months of a relationship are pure bliss: The excitement of something new, feeling like you’re floating on cloud nine, the intense and insane attraction to one another. But once the honeymoon phase fizzles out and reality sets it again, you’re then tasked with navigating the obstacles of everyday life together, as a couple. And navigating the hurdles and stresses of daily life together is one thing, but doing it all while keeping the romance alive is another thing completely.
This is something I’ve found myself thinking about a lot recently. On June 25, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 9-year anniversary (which is just mind-blowing to me, lol). Leading up to the milestone, we were talking about our relationship and how much it, along with our day-to-day lives have changed over the course of our entire relationship. The things we were doing nine years ago are wildly different than the things we’re doing today (thank God for that); we’re no longer traveling the way we used to, our goals look slightly different, and both of our careers have changed completely. We’ve navigated big life changes, dealt with injuries, moved in together, and grieved the loss of our grandparents.
And yet somehow, we’ve managed to grow closer and keep the spark alive—which got me thinking: How have we managed to keep and continuing keeping the romance alive in our relationship? I’m sure there’s no perfect, secret recipe for it because every relationship is different, but I am confident that what works for us can work for or at the very least help others as well. Keep scrolling for my biggest tips on how to keep the romance alive in a long-term relationship.
How my boyfriend and I keep the romance alive:
1. We do weekly date nights
I feel like this is one of the biggest reasons we’ve been able to keep the spark alive for all these years. From the beginning, we’ve always made time for each other, whatever that looked like. Now that we both work from home and have the weekends off (usually), we always reserve weekly date nights for Saturday; if there’s some other big event penciled in on a particular Saturday, we’ll try to make sure we fit it in somewhere else during the week. We’re huge fans of at-home date nights, especially during the winter, but we also love to go out and have a chat over a nice meal, too.
That one-on-one time is so vital to all relationships; having the time to be alone together as a couple without any other distractions helps deepen and strengthen emotional intimacy. It serves as a good reminder of why you fell in love in the first place.
2. We laugh together
E.E Cummings once said “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” I couldn’t agree more with that sentiment. Laughter is vital to life, and I believe that everyone needs to laugh in order to be the most liberated, happiest version of themselves. My boyfriend and I laugh every single day. I’ve lost count of the amount of inside jokes we have at this point, but no matter what’s going on, we can always make the other one smile on a daily basis. We’re the best of friends, and lovers, too. Life is too short to be anything but happy, and a relationship that isn’t filled with light and laughter isn’t a fun one.
3. We make time for physical intimacy
We’re still insanely attracted to each other, but make no mistake about it: There are undoubtedly times where physical intimacy takes a backseat. That’s life, and it’s totally normal. We do, however, try to make time for it so it doesn’t fall by the wayside completely; the longer you go without it, the less you crave and want it and lose that connection.
Related: How To Ask Your Partner for What You Want in the Bedroom
4. We have strong, healthy communication
When it comes to talking about things in my relationship, no topic is off-limits. My boyfriend and I can talk about anything and everything, and I’m grateful for that because it’s made it so we can go to each other during a tough time or low point and lean on the other for support if need be. We always give each other the respect and space to talk or vent and hear each other. We’re there for each other no matter what, and we make sure the other knows that we have their back.
5. We share things
I feel like being able to share things with your partner plays a major role in keeping the romance alive. For us, we share common interests, so we can enjoy things and activities together, like swimming in the ocean or binge-watching a TV show. Every night, we watch usually one-two episodes of whatever series we’re currently bingeing. Our life goals are also aligned, too.
That said, despite the fact that we share things, my boyfriend and I also have a lot of things for ourselves. We both work in creative fields, but my boyfriend has always done visual work—like videography for his YouTube channel or sketching—and I’ve always been a writer at heart. We’ve done similar work in the past (like YouTube and social media), so we can relate to each other on that level, but our identities and who we are isn’t tangled up with the other one; our careers are completely separate. The same also goes for hobbies.
6. We’re a team, through and through
At the end of the day, we’re a team. All relationships take work, but we both believe that that work should be equal. Neither one of us puts in more effort than the other when it comes to maintaining the health of our relationship, and I believe that that’s the way it should be. If one of us is down, the other will be there to help lift them up or just be there if they need someone. We balance each other out well.
