The holidays are going to be a little different this year–and I don’t mean in some small ways, no. The holidays this year are going to be different in some major ways. I’ve been mentally preparing myself for the past month and a half for the first holiday season and celebrations without my grandma. That alone is a massive change from what I’m used to. I know it’s going to be tough–especially this year and next–but knowing that I still had my other family members by my side to experience this new normal with me made me feel like everything was going to be OK. It’d be weird, yes. Hard yes, and maybe even a little sad, but at least we’d have each other. Together, we’d get through it.
And then suddenly COVID numbers shot up in Rhode Island, the amount of cases the highest ever, and last week the governor put forth new and tougher restrictions. Last Thursday, it was announced that social gatherings are now limited to one household, which really made everyone pump the brakes on and rethink their Thanksgiving plans. I know some people don’t care or believe in COVID or about following the guidelines, but everyone in my family does, and no one wants to take a chance and get sick. So, I found out the other day that Thanksgiving is now officially cancelled. The first Thanksgiving without my grandma, and none of us can celebrate together, like we always have. Something in particular about this happening now, this year, makes everything feel so ominous.
The sad part is that I know I’m not alone; everyone around the world’s been affected by this. The fact that it’s affected the world like this is exactly what makes it so crazy. It’s not limited to one country or continent–it’s worldwide. The guidelines in my state are currently in effect until December 13. If the numbers can somehow stay controlled, then some of the restrictions may be lifted. God only knows what’s going to happen.
After my family made the decision about Thanksgiving, my aunt called me to talk about it. We both agreed that as painful as it is not to be together on the first Thanksgiving without my grandmother, she’d want us to be safe. Our health and safety would be her first priority, like it always was. As we were talking we segued into Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Every Christmas Eve my grandma always hosted a big celebration, it was the best time ever, and something all of us equally cherished and looked forward to. Christmas Day was more quiet and intimate, a small dinner in the early evening with the immediate family. Either way, we all ended up spending a lot of time together on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My aunt told me that she really hopes and prays that we’ll all be able to be together on Christmas. That would seem like the cruelest twist of fate of all: not being able to carry on the tradition that started before I could even remember. We both ended the conversation with a positive outlook on what’s to come, and knowing that we’re not alone in this.
Afterwards, I found myself pondering that phone call. Yes, I already knew that the holidays were going to be weird because they’d be the first ones without my grandma. No, I didn’t anticipate COVID coming in and once again blowing up my plans, taking away the comfort found in the fact that my family and I could still be together. All of this got me thinking about how utterly weird the holiday season is going to be for everyone around the world. There’s no point in getting upset about it because we have no control over it–which is why we all have to make the most of it. I’m wholly prepared for the holidays to be unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. It’s why I’m trying to make the best of it, and test out new things I’d normally never do.
For example, I’ve always waited until after Thanksgiving to put my Christmas tree up. I absolutely love having the tree up (I ended up keeping it up until March this year, and right after taking it down the entire country went on lockdown, lol), but that’s just what I’ve always done, what I’m accustomed to. And yet because I know right now I could really use some positive vibes in my life, I put my tree up already. It probably sounds silly–after all, it’s not that big of a deal, lots of people put their tree up before Thanksgiving–but it’s different, and nothing about this year has made sense anyway. I’m going to try making some new desserts for both Thanksgiving and in the days leading up to Christmas. I just want to enjoy this magical time of year and make the most of it despite all that’s happened. I’m focused on staying positive in spite of all of it. I’m shifting my energy to being grateful for everything I have in my life. I hope everyone else in the world can make the most of this time as well, because it’s time none of us will ever be able to get back. I think it’s important we all find joy in little things–putting up a tree, lighting candles, cooking a nice meal or baking some fun dessert, listening to holiday music–because it’s time to be happy, and there’s so much happiness to be found everywhere we look, we just have to know what we’re looking for.
Lastly, the biggest and most helpful thing I’m going to do is this: I’m not going to compare this year with previous ones because the circumstances are totally different. As my grandma liked to say, “it is what it is.”
