I’ve been thinking about love a lot this week, trying to get into the romantic spirit, since Valentine’s Day is Sunday. I’ve been caught up in how exactly my boyfriend and I should celebrate, if we should do it a day early and go all-out, and so on and so forth. In recent years, we always celebrated at one of our favorite restaurants. Unfortunateley, this year that won’t be happening because COVID restrictions have made it so the idea of going out just isn’t enticing at all, and this particular restaurant closed for good a little over six months ago (thanks, COVID!). Admittedly, in the past, I always thought Valentine’s Day was a lame holiday, probably because I never had a boyfriend during this time of year, or if I did, he was a POS who didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with me. It wasn’t until I started dating my boyfriend that I finally understood what all the cliches were about; how nice it is to get a little spoiled and treat your S.O.
My boyfriend and I were talking about what we should do this year for Valentine’s Day; this will be our 7th one together. As we were discussing what we should do, I started thinking about what the day actually means. It’s a day of romance, a day for lovers to express their feelings with cute gifts and flowers. All of this led me to a bigger question: what is love—specifically the romantic kind of love—and what have I learned about it?
The craziest thing is that love is all subjective. The word “love” will bring to mind something different for everyone, and takes on new shapes and meanings from person to person. Love looks different for everyone based on your relationship status, the kind of relationship you have or have had in the past, where you’re at in life, and the life experiences that have shaped you into the person you are today. Life isn’t black and white, and neither is love.
One thing I’ve learned about love is that it has flaws because all humans have flaws. I’ve leaned the love will have ups and downs because life has ups and downs. Every relationship will have its highs and lows, and that’s OK; love isn’t perfect and it shouldn’t be, because life isn’t perfect. When your relationship has its low points, that doesn’t mean that your love is fraying at the seams or isn’t what you thought it was, it simply means you’re human. When you have true love, it will be unconditional, and it won’t change or diminish in the face of challenges.
I’ve also learned that love isn’t wanting to change someone else. It’s seeing someone’s little imperfections and loving them in spite of them. It’s about the ability to be yourself comfortably, not feeling like you have to cover up in any area.
True love isn’t something you have to think about. It’s something that will both come naturally and feel natural to you; it won’t feel forced. I think we all know deep down when it’s the real thing because we won’t have to think about it. We won’t be weighing out the pros and cons of the relationship, or trying to make someone else see our worth.
Love is forgiving, it doesn’t hold onto the past; it doesn’t put blame solely on one person, and it certainly doesn’t carry baggage longer than it needs to. This is perhaps one of the most mind-boggling things about love because most people believe that when something bad happens the love is permanently tainted. That’s not necessarily true, though it will reshape it a little bit, make you look at things differently. I really believe that when two people truly love each other and are made for each other, they will always find their way back to one another, despite all the road blocks that stand in their way. Maybe I’m biased because this is what happened in my own relationship, but I really believe that’s true.
I’ve also learned that love is about wanting the best for someone and their happiness; wishing and hoping for the most success they could ever have in their life. We even see this with family and friends, the ones who root for us in life. Love is the same, 100 times over. Another thing I believe is that real love doesn’t ask more of you than you can give. I don’t believe love forces you to pick and choose, make unnecessary sacrifices and decisions that make you unhappy. Sure, there may be times in love when you have to make a difficult decision—e.g: your career and traveling and spending half the year away from your S.O—and it will be hard, but I think when there’s true love there, it will not ask more than you can give. You will be given hard choices in love because you will be given hard choices in life, but in the end you’ll find that love will not ask more of you than you can give.
Love is about vulnerability and sharing yourself with another. One of the most empowering things you can do for yourself is fully open yourself up to another and allow yourself to be completely vulnerable. Vulnerability may seem scary to most, but it is truly the most freeing and powerful feeling in the world. There’s something so empowering about baring your soul to someone else and not fearing the consequences. Love can’t thrive and grow without vulnerability; instead, it will simply hinder the love and relationship.
Love is calm, it is stability. I feel like my boyfriend is my home. In the midst of chaos, when I feel ungrounded, he is the one I’m able to find comfort and stability in. Love is a strong foundation. Now, that doesn’t mean that there will never be ups and downs and times when you feel like you’re spinning out of control, it simply means that you’ll be able to find calmness in your life in the midst of all of that. True love doesn’t hold you up on shaky ground.Love is also quiet. Sometimes in life, there will be no words to fill the silence, to make you feel better, and that’s OK. In those silent moments, you will still feel love. Love is something you can feel unconditionally, it doesn’t need to be said out loud.
Contrary to popular opinion, love isn’t scary—it’s the idea of love that stems from our own fears and insecurities that is terrifying. But when there’s something real, it might be the most normal, natural feeling in the world.
Lastly, what I’ve learned about love is that it grows stronger over time. Sure, relationships take work and effort, but when done right, the love you share with someone else will eventually become unbreakable.
