First Dates: 13 Red Flags To Look Out For

It doesn’t matter how social you are, dating can be exhausting. Between the swiping and matching, buildup, and actual date, there’s no denying that it can be a lot. Sadly, we don’t have the ability to wave a magic wand make our ideal partner appear. So, we have to date, and learn what red flags to look for on them.

In truth, dating takes time. And sometimes you have to keep putting yourself out there until you find the one. In the meantime, however, learning the major warning signs to look out for can help you successfully navigate the dating scene.

Learning how to spot red flags and take them into account can save you a lot of time and a major headache in the long-run. Keep on reading to learn the 13 red flags you should be aware of on a first date.

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13 Red Flags To Look For on a First Date:

1. They spend the entire time talking about themselves.

First dates are all about getting to know each other, but that’s basically impossible if the entire convo is one-sided. Plus, no one really enjoys hanging out with someone who’s completely self-absorbed. This could be a narcissist red flag, or a sign that they have some insecurities they need to work on overcoming.

2. They talk about their ex a lot.

Beware of someone who talks about their ex a lot during the date. This could be a sign that they’re not completely over them. While there is absolutely a time to discuss the past—including exes—a first date is not the time or the place.

3. The conversation is boring.

First dates can be nerve-wracking, but you’ll often know whether or not the two of you click. While the conversation might not flow easily—especially if one of you is shy or particularly nervous—you’ll likely feel if the spark is there. When it comes down to it, healthy relationships thrive on communication. So it’s important that your partner is someone you can easily talk and listen to.

4. They have bad manners.

Chewing with their mouth open, checking their phone left and right, interrupting you, not saying “please” and “thank you,” talking with food in their mouth, being impolite, and just being downright rude are all big red flags. Bad manners show a lack of respect for people, and if your date is exhibiting this sort of behavior now, chances are they’re not going to give you the kind of respect you deserve in the future.

5. They’re very late and have no explanation for it.

Things happen—you hit a traffic jam, work runs later than anticipated, etc.—but it’s rude to show up late somewhere without a heads-up or explanation. If your date runs late for any reason whatsoever, they should be courteous and let you know they’re running behind with a brief apology. After all, if your date shows up very late without warning or explanation, it might be a sign that they don’t respect your time.

6. They insist on ordering for you.

This may be endearing to some, but it can be a red flag if your date comes right out of the gate and orders for you without asking if you’re OK with it first. It shows that they want and expect things a certain way. Also, they’re likely very set in their ways. Healthy relationships involve decision making from both parties, and someone who doesn’t stop to consider your feelings before doing something is probably thinking on their own.

7. They’re pushy and get personal too fast.

You can’t learn everything about a person on a first date. Which is why first dates shouldn’t be spent talking about deeply personal topics (like finances) and past traumas. It’s too soon. It’s a date, not a job interview! Likewise, getting too deep too quickly is also a sign of extremely pushy behavior and shows a lack of respect for personal boundaries.

Additionally, talking about sex, trying to convince you to go to their place or drink more, getting extremely touchy-feely in a way that makes you uncomfortable, and pressuring you to go along with whatever they want are also examples of pushy behavior, and red flags you shouldn’t ignore.

8. They one-up everything.

Chances are, you’ve come across a one-upper at some point in your life. One-uppers always have a more outlandish thing to add after you finish telling a story. For example, if you mention that you went skydiving, they’d likely tell you that they went skydiving out of a plane after the engine caught on fire. In all honesty, being around someone like this is exhausting. Likewise, it also makes you question how authentic they’re truly being.

9. They refuse to answer questions about themselves.

First dates shouldn’t consist of one person asking all the questions and one person answering. It should be back-and-forth! It’s always a red flag when a date deflects and avoids answering anything about themselves; it makes you wonder what they’re hiding.

10. They have an excuse for everything.

Part of being an adult means taking responsibility. If your date seemingly has an excuse for everything—it’s someone else’s fault or they’re simply the victim in every story—it’s very likely they still have some growing up to do. If they’re still acting childish, they won’t be able to make a real commitment to you and the relationship.

11. They take you to their favorite spot.

We all have places we like to frequent more than others, but a first date should be on a level playing field. Bringing you to their favorite spot for your first date is a major red flag. Sure, it’s comforting being in familiar territory, but it’s good to step out of your comfort zone every once in awhile—it’s a driving force in self-growth. If they’re unwilling to step out of their comfort zone for even a little bit for the first date, they’re probably not ready for a relationship.

12. They constantly mention the prices.

Let’s be real: It’s not fun being around someone who whines and moans about money. Plus, most dates involve spending money! I firmly believe that if someone can’t afford something than they shouldn’t be going somewhere they can’t afford. It’s not a good time. Plus, this may be indicative of an unhealthy relationship with finances.

So, while everyone is different, it can be a red flag if your date constantly mentions the prices of everything on the menu. Not only is this a bad look, but it’s also unnecessary—money shouldn’t be a topic of discussion on a first date.

13. They leave you to foot the bill.

Everyone handles finances differently, so there really is no “right” and “wrong.” However, it can be good to discuss who’s paying for ahead of time. Or, both of you should offer to pay when the bill comes. It’s unfair to expect one person to foot the entire bill and leave them to do so. And offering to pay or chip on shows that you’re grateful and vice versa.

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that you need to do what you feel comfortable with in all aspects of dating. Know your boundaries ahead of time and what your major deal breakers are; make sure you go to places where you feel safe. Try to go in with a positive mindset, and be open to new experiences. Just be yourself! And remember: if it doesn’t go well, at the very least, you’ll have a great story to tell.