Almost every rom-com or beloved celebrity, TV, or book couple has an on-again, off-again relationship. You know what I’m talking about—Rachel and Ross from Friends; Carrie and Big from Sex and the City, and Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. Everyone loves a good love story, but all of this begs the question: How do you correctly get back with an ex?
Make no mistake: Rekindling an old flame isn’t a bad thing. And it happens very, very often. However, reconnecting with an ex is not as easy as it looks.
That said, if you’re currently thinking about or in the process of getting back with an ex-lover, you’ve come to the right place. With these 8 tips, you can correctly get back with an ex and make the relationship last. Keep scrolling to learn more.
How to Correctly Get Back With an Ex:
1. Consider why you broke up
Hindsight truly is 20/20, and it’s easy to dismiss or excuse things your ex did after you’ve been broken up for a while. So, the first thing you should do is consider why you broke up in the first place. Was it over something fixable, like lack of communication, or something darker and toxic? If it’s something like the former, you have a better chance of successfully rekindling the relationship.
On the other hand, if it’s something like the latter, you should probably stay away. It’s easy to romanticize and remember only the good times, but the truth is, breakups sometimes happen for a good reason, and you need to fully consider and remember why you broke up in the first place before moving forward.
2. Think about why you want to get back together
It’s also important to consider why you want to get back together. Is it simply out of jealousy or because you’re feeling lonely? Or, have you both gone the distance, healed, and have now found your way back to one another? Take the time to really think about why you want to get back with your ex. This will help ensure you’re making the right decision for you.
3. Address any old issues
It may not feel good to pick at old wounds, but it’s something that needs to be discussed if you’re serious about moving forward. You have to lay everything out on the table to prevent past things from popping up once you start the relationship again. Doing this will give both of you the chance to get some clarity on why or when the relationship may have crumbled previously, and what you can both do to prevent it from happening again.
4. Make sure you’re both fully healed
By now, you probably know that you should 100% be alone after a breakup, and that taking time alone is the only way to heal. Before you get back together, make sure you’re both fully healed, and that you’ve forgiven each other for any hurt from the relationship and breakup. Talk to each other about that hurt; be vulnerable with why it was so impactful. Doing this will help lead you to a place of forgiveness and prevent resentment from bubbling up over time.
If you find that either one or both of you is having difficulty letting go and forgiving so you can move on, consider talking to a therapist alone or together. A professional will help you get to the root of whatever is going on much faster.
5. Discuss expectations
There should be no surprises in your new relationship. Talk about your expectations together and what you both want. Be honest and open with one another. Now’s the time to lay it all out and get everything out there, and also the time to potentially come to any necessary compromises.
6. Go into it with a new mindset
Getting back with an ex is all about starting fresh, so the relationship will never work if someone’s holding onto the past. Now’s the time to start on new adventures together and make new memories as a couple. This is also true for dealing with any new arguments or issues; don’t bring up past arguments or issues in your new relationship (re: make sure you’re both fully healed).
7. Take it slow
It can be easy to fall into old habits, which is why it’s a good idea to take things slow with your ex. Although there’s no set time frame for this, use this as an opportunity to rediscover and fall in love with each other again. You’ll get to experience those initial butterflies again, learn more about each other, and make new memories. Taking it slow will really make it so you’re starting anew.
8. Maintain your independence
The one silver lining about breakups is that they give your the chance to rediscover yourself. Which is why it’s so important to maintain your independence as you enter you new ‘ship. Don’t stop any hobbies or activities you fell in love with during your time apart. And having things for yourself outside of the relationship will only make your time together more special.
At the end of the day, you’re not defined by your relationship. So, be sure to maintain your independence no matter what. You’ll feel more confident, which in turn will make you more confident in your partner and the relationship.
