We all have rough patches in life, it’s inevitable. Sure, we’re all capable of handling and getting through these times on our own, but why do it all on your own if you don’t have to? Contrary to popular opinion, letting someone in and being there for you when you’re going through it isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. A strong person will be able to open themselves up when it’s most difficult. Now, you may have friends and/or family that are there for you when you need it most, and you may even find some comfort in that; but when you’re in a a relationship, your partner should be the one that you can rely on most. I can’t imagine what it’d be like if my boyfriend didn’t have my back.
What do you call a S.O who’s not there for you when you need it most? Someone who’s not really a S.O at all.
Admittedly, watching your partner struggle can be difficult and leave you feeling unsure of how to help. You may even feel that you want to help them out but have no idea where to start, which is why I’m here today to tell you all the ways you can be there for them; your partner doesn’t need to go through a difficult time alone. Here’s how to be there for your partner when they need it most.
How to be there for them:
Don’t invalidate their feelings
One of the worst things you can do to someone else is make them feel invalidated. When it comes to feelings, there is no right or wrong—there just is; so it’s important that as a S.O, you make sure your partner feels OK for feeling the way they do. We sometimes doubt ourselves and our emotions, oftentimes too worried whether or not we’re overreacting, our feelings are warranted, or if we’re just going crazy.
When your partner’s going through something, make sure you ask them how they feel. Your knee-jerk reaction may be to help them scale down the situation so they’re not so overwhelmed with emotions. You may tell them, “I think you may be overreacting a bit, it’s not as bad as you think it is,” thinking that you’re helping them calm down, but you’re only going to make your partner feel worse, more alone, and as if they can’t talk to you openly. Instead, listen to them and make sure they know that it’s perfectly fine for them to feel the way they do. We all need a little reassurance from time to time.
Ask questions, pay attention, + retain
Show your support for your partner by making an effort and asking them questions. Ask them how they’re feeling throughout the day. Ask them how their day was; really listen to them and retain what they say. If they tell you they’re having a bad day and it’s making the situation worse because of x, y, and z, when you talk to them later on, ask them if they were able work through things and how they’re feeling now. This will make your S.O feel better because it’ll show that you actually care and are invested in them. Feeling as though your S.O doesn’t pay attention to you or retain anything you tell them is not a fun feeling, it makes you feel unimportant. When your partner needs you, showing your support by making the effort, paying attention, and retaining the information will make it easier for them to get through it.
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Remind them you’re there for them
As corny as it may sound, simply saying, “I’m here for you,” can make all the difference in the world. In a relationship, it’s crucial that your partner knows you have their back. Reiterate this fact to your S.O by telling them you’re there for them. When faced with challenges, it’s nice knowing that someone will be there to catch you when you fall.
Learn what they respond to
I find myself going back to this from time to time because knowing your partner and what snaps them out of a slump is important in a relationship. When things go south, being able to anticipate how your S.O is going to react, and what you can do to help them out of it is going to make all the difference in the world.
With that being said, people usually fall in two generalized categories: those who respond better to tough love, and those who respond better to a little bit of coddling. If you’re unsure of which one to use, try a little bit of both (little being the key word!) and see how your partner reacts. This will help you better determine how to handle your partner, as well as help them out of a slump when they need it.
Tell them you’re going to get through this together
Last but certainly not least, make sure you tell your partner that the two of you are going to get through this together. This solidifies the fact to your partner that the two of you are a team, and that you’re committed and invested in the relationship. This doesn’t mean that you have to take on your S.O’s problems, it simply means that your partner doesn’t have to struggle alone.
