Most of us can pinpoint painful moments from our childhood. Regardless of how big or small these experiences may seem, they leave a mark and help shape who we are as adults. The same goes for the good moments. Everything that happens during adolescence has a lasting impact; it’s the natural order of things. The problem with this? Most of us are unaware of these consequences, and more often than not, our inner child needs healing in adulthood.
The truth is, we all have sh*t we have to deal with from childhood and even young adulthood. But unprocessed wounds, trauma or emotions can seriously hold you back in life. Which is why I tapped spiritual mentor and soul navigator Marissa Lane for her expert insight.
What an Inner Child Is, and Key Signs You Need to Heal Yours:
“The inner child is the embodiment of our younger self, representing our connection to childhood and its beautiful bridge to our memories, good or bad,” Lane told me. “At times, our inner child drives without our conscious awareness. This is why it’s so very important to heal, develop and understand the inner child—because we all have one.”
For example, you might react in a “childlike way” (think: silence, yelling, etc.) whenever you feel ignored because you were constantly ignored as a child. Whatever the case may be, this childlike part of your personality will react like a child when triggered. And according to Lane, some key signs you need to heal yours include:
- A lack of boundaries. This means saying “yes” when you really mean “no.”
- Constantly putting yourself on the back burner. Although being blindly selfish isn’t the best thing, people pleasing and hiding your true self to try and placate others isn’t a good sign.
- Constant emotional exhaustion. While everyone experiences burnout, you shouldn’t always feel like your mental and emotional resources are depleted.
- Self-sabotaging relationships. This often stems from trust issues, fear of intimacy, commitment and more.
- Feeling “stuck” in life. We all have good days and bad, but feeling like you’re on a never-ending merry-go-round or that life isn’t enjoyable is a red flag.
Now that we’ve broken that down, let’s get into it. Below, I’m sharing Lane’s expert tips on how to heal your inner child so you can live your best life. Keep scrolling to learn more.
How To Heal Your Inner Child and Live Your Best Life:
1. Acknowledge your inner child
Acknowledging your inner child is the first step to healing. In addition to admitting and accepting that it’s there, this also means saying “I see you” to this part of yourself whenever it pops up—something Lane lovingly refers to as the child version of you “driving the bus.” She then went on to explain that understanding that the little wounded version of you acting out is so vital, and having compassion for yourself is key.
Take some time to sit with yourself and think back on your childhood and the unpleasant experiences that have stayed with you into adulthood. Once you understand how these moments might’ve affected you, you can begin the process of healing your inner child once and for all.
2. Cultivate a relationship with your inner child
“Initiate conversations with your inner child and inquire about their wants and needs,” Lane explained simply. “It’s imperative to avoid discrediting your inner child. Instead, assure them of your care and support. Allow yourself sufficient time and patience to foster this relationship, and give yourself grace.”
Creating a safe space to have this dialogue is key here, and Lane recommends doing it during moments you’re alone, like in the shower (her personal favorite). Doing this will help you get to know your inner child better and cultivate a deeper relationship with that part of you, which in turn will open your eyes to what wounds need to be healed.
3. Move your body
PSA: the body holds trauma—it remembers every experience even when we consciously don’t. “Our bodies serve as energetic libraries that retain every experience we encounter throughout our lives,” Lane explained. “When we engage in physical activity, we release the energy that has been stored within us.”
For this reason, moving your body regularly is imperative. “Engage in physical activities such as taking a walk or run, working out, or grounding yourself in your backyard with bare feet,” Lane said. “Tapping is one of my favorite ways to move energy as well.”
4. Journal about and meditate on your inner child
If you’re trying to incorporate more mindfulness into your life, you’re in luck. According to Lane, meditating on and journaling about your inner child is a great way to work through the pain and trauma so you can get to the root cause and finally heal.
To do this, Lane suggests setting aside 20-30 minutes three times a week to take some simple deep breaths. Don’t be afraid to hug yourself while you do this—physical touch can be so comforting, reassuring, and soothing for your inner child. Likewise, you can also sign up for Lane’s free Rituals for Freedom and Wealth Expansion to get meditations, journaling prompts, frequency shifts, and a chanting video.
Questions to ask yourself to pull back the layers and help you with your journaling:
- What do I remember about my life when I was a child?
- Was there something specific that happened that hurt my inner child? Did this happen in more than one instance?
- What does my inner child need to hear?
5. Ask for help
This may sound like a no-brainer, but Lane swears it’s crucial for growth and healing. “We’re so used to being brave and independent that we forgot to actually ask for help,” she said. “Working with a therapist (did it [myself] for 10 years) or Spiritual Mentor (Quantum leap the healing process) are great ways to heal and propel you forward in this journey.”
