Living with chronic pain is tough. It takes a toll on you both mentally and physically. It impacts your relationships, and can even affect your self-esteem and outlook on life. It’s very difficult living in debilitating pain that hinders your day-to-day life and everything in it and having that be “normal.” On top of that, life still happens, so there will always be those added stresses to deal with as well. Truthfully, though, chronic pain alone is enough to drive anyone insane.
Everyone handles everything in life differently, and pain is no exception. Some people become miserable from their chronic pain, while others take it in stride. Some people allow themselves to become helpless victims from it, and others spend all of their time running in circles searching for ways to fix the problem. None of these are necessarily right or wrong, but the one thing they all have in common is that they’re all examples of ways chronic pain can take over your life. I speak from experience. The minute I was rear-ended on August 5, 2017, I knew something was wrong with my neck. My shoulder injury didn’t present itself until about a month later (which is standard), but from that day forward, my neck has never been the same. My life hasn’t been the same—everything about it has changed.
I’ve spent the time looking for answers from medical professionals; I’ve been given the run-around by doctors. I’ve felt like a prisoner to my own life because of my chronic pain. I’ve been so let down by news about my neck at times that it’s taken everything out of me completely. Quite frankly, it’s exhausting. It is exhausting trying to carry the weight of living with chronic pain and feeling hopeless, wondering in the back of your mind if this is it for the rest of your life, while juggling the rest of life’s normal stresses. It can be frustrating when you go to do something like jump on a trampoline and realize that you can’t, or that you can’t watch your nieces or nephews because you physically cannot pick them up. Anyone living with chronic pain knows what I’m talking about; they’re (sadly) familiar with the loss of all normalcy.
All of this brings me to this question: how does one stay sane when living with chronic pain? I’ve had people ask me how I stay determined and keep moving forward, and I’ve broken down that answer truthfully below. In all honesty, it’s been a long road to get to the point I’m at now, and I still have a way to go, but I finally feel grounded in my day-to-day life, living as someone who suffers from chronic pain. I hope I can help anyone else out there’s who’s suffering from chronic pain because I know how debilitating and defeating it can feel. Here’s how to stay sane with chronic pain.
How to stay sane with chronic pain:
- Surrender. There’s going to come a point when dealing with chronic pain where you’re just going to have to let go. You’re going to have to finally throw your hands up and say, “I surrender.” This doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re giving up when it comes to getting better or dealing with chronic pain, it simply means that you’re surrendering to the circumstances of your life. When it comes to chronic pain, people so often try to force things—finding answers, getting better, fixing it, etc.—and it can be exhausting, it really takes a toll on you. Surrendering to chronic pain is kind of on the same idea as the acceptance stage of the 5 stages of grief; you’re accepting your chronic pain for what it is and finally letting go. This will be the most freeing thing you can do for yourself; you’ll no longer feel chained to your chronic pain.
- Adjust your life accordingly. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing how your life used to be and how it is now with all these new limitations; I know because I’ve been living with this for nearly 4 years. I’d be lying if I said there were never times I’d catch myself thinking about how my life used to be, how active and athletic I was, to now. When you’re suffering from chronic pain, you need to remind yourself that that was then and this is now, and you must adjust your life accordingly to the limitations you are currently experiencing today.
- Stop making comparisons. To further the point mentioned above, all comparisons in life are bad and unproductive, and this is especially true for when it comes to those suffering from chronic pain. Again, it’s easy to get caught up in comparing your life with how it used to be vs how it is now, and it’s also easy to get caught up comparing yourself to other people and the lives that they lead—something all humans are prone to doing regularly. It’s imperative that you don’t allow yourself to get caught up in any comparisons—especially with other people—because it’s going to drive you absolutely insane. It’s going to inadvertently make you think about your pain and all of your limitations more. You don’t want to dwell on your pain. Additionally, you need to remind yourself that no one else is in your shoes; no one else in the world is going through exactly what you are, so trying to compare your life to someone else’s is silly because it’s not an accurate or fair comparison. The same goes for comparing your life to what it used to be and how it is now. Essentially, what it comes down to, is you’re comparing apples and oranges.
- Exercise regularly. It’s important to stay active in life for overall general health purposes, and chronic pain shouldn’t stop you from exercising regularly. Sure, you may not be able to workout the way you could before (*silently looks around and raises hand*) but you need to do what you can—even if it’s something as simple as walking to the mailbox every day. Exercising, despite your chronic pain, will make you feel stronger, more in control, and not totally helpless.
- Block out outside noises. All outside noises in life are distracting and, at times, frustrating. When it comes to chronic pain, having multiple people in your ear about what you should try, what would probably work for you, what they recommend, what course of treatment they think will work best and so on and so forth, is enough to push you to your breaking point. First of all, it’s annoying hearing someone who isn’t in your shoes tell you what you should do. Second, it’s going to make you second guess yourself and everything you’re doing. I’ve learned from experience that blocking out all outside noises is an absolute must in order to keep your sanity. When you’re suffering from chronic pain, you’re already dealing with enough thoughts, questions, and changes on your own, and you don’t need it from anyone else. A lot of people will do this because they think they’re helping; they don’t realize that all they’re doing is harping on something that’s out of your control more, and that you most likely spend the majority of your day dealing with and thinking about. Stay firm in your limitations; you know what your body can handle. Most people who suffer from chronic pain also usually have an idea of what might work and what might not, and also what might make their pain worse, etc. For me, when it comes to dealing with outside noises, I’ll usually just smile and nod along (in one ear and out the other), I’ll stay firm in my beliefs and where I stand, or I’ll say that I don’t want to talk about my neck anymore because I don’t want to dwell on it.
- Find healthy distractions that bring you happiness. Chronic pain doesn’t go away, and it’s nearly impossible to ignore because it’s always there, reminding you. This is why it’s so important to find healthy distractions that bring you happiness. Truthfully, you probably won’t ever fully escape chronic pain or being reminded of it, but if you can find a healthy distraction that lets you forget about your chronic pain even if for the briefest of moments, that’s everything. My temporary escapes are meditating (which is amazing because I can detach from everything going on in my life and just be during that time), walking, playing Sims, laying out in the sun, and reading.
- Don’t sit around and wait for someone else to fix you. Sitting around and waiting for answers or someone else to fix you is the worst thing you can do for yourself. Sure, if necessary it’s important that you seek out doctors and professional medical advice, but I know firsthand that waiting for answers can be the biggest waste of time and will drive you absolutely insane. You’ll feel like you’re running around in circles and are perpetually stuck in limbo, and trust me when I say that feeling like you’re stuck in limbo and that your life is on hold is going to make you to feel like a prisoner to your own life. This is something I’ve learned only recently, but it’s an absolute must that you control what you can control. You can’t control the doctors or the answers they give you, but you can control what you do here and now. Sitting around and saying, “I just need someone to give me an answer and help fix me so I can get my life back on track and back to normal again,” is one of the most toxic things you can do for yourself psychologically. Doing this creates a helpless narrative in your head that you in turn live by. You can’t expect other people to help you, you have to help yourself. Adjust your life accordingly to your chronic pain, stop comparing your life to others or how it used to be, stay active even if it’s just in little ways, find things that bring you a genuine happiness, and most importantly, don’t wait. Nothing in life is guaranteed, and if you’re sitting around waiting for someone else to fix you, you’re going to be unhappy and have your life on hold for a very long time.
