9 Helpful Rules for Meeting the Parents During the Holidays

The holidays are a magical time, and having someone to share them with makes them all the more special. Of course, spending the holidays with someone else often means spending it with their family members as well. And in a new relationship, the holidays serve as the perfect opportunity for your S.O. to introduce you to their family. That said, no matter how much festive cheer is in the air, meeting the parents for the first time—especially during the holidays—can be stressful.

Admittedly, feeling like your every move is being evaluated to see whether or not you’ll measure up can be unsettling. It’s natural to want to make a wonderful first impression, and that desire can sometimes create more anxiety.

Thankfully, meeting your partner’s parents for the first time this holiday season no longer has to be no longer nerve-wracking. With these rules, you’re bound to make a great first impression. Keep on reading to learn the 9 rules for meeting the parents during the holidays.

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Rules for Meeting the Parents During the Holidays:

1. Go in as a team

Talk to your partner beforehand about how you can look out for one another. Get clear on what you need from them to make the visit less nerve-wracking and vice versa. Whatever you decide, going in with a game plan and knowing you’re a team will help calm your nerves. Plus, knowing that your partner—who has the home-field advantage—won’t hang you out to dry will make everything easier to navigate.

2. Dress your best and appropriately

They say you should never judge a book by its cover, but as humans, we’re prone to doing so subconsciously. How you dress often impacts the way people perceive you, which is why it can be stressful trying to find the perfect outfit to make a phenomenal first impression.

Ask your S.O. what kind of clothing is appropriate for their family and go from there. Once you’re aware of this, you can find an outfit that you both look and feel your best in. The more comfortable you are in your clothing, the more relaxed you’ll feel naturally.

3. Bring a small gift

If you want to make a good first impression, you definitely don’t want to show up empty-handed. Bring a small gift with you—like a bottle of wine, flowers, a box of chocolates, etc.—to show your gratitude. Ask your partner ahead of time what their family likes and appreciates. Just make sure the gift isn’t too showy; you don’t want it to look like you’re trying to win them over with lavish gifts.

4. Be polite and well-mannered

Being polite and well-mannered goes a long way when it comes to making a good impression on someone. One of the best things you can do is say “thank you” whenever appropriate—like immediately after you get there and are welcomed (“thank you for having me!”), after receiving gifts, when you’re leaving, and so on. Those two words show that you’re considerate and grateful, as opposed to entitled and spoiled.

Additionally, chewing with your mouth open, talking with food in your mouth, swearing, spending a lot of time on your phone, and basically just being straight-up rude are all big no-no’s. Bad manners show a lack of respect for others. Remember to also be mindful and respectful of any family rules that your partner tells you about ahead of time.

5. Offer to help wherever needed

Asking: “Is there anything I can help you with?” Whenever someone’s cooking or cleaning will get you far. It’s a thoughtful gesture that, again, shows you’re not entitled and spoiled. It’s always polite to offer to help even if you’ve been told to sit back and relax. Make sure you ask before jumping in and doing something; you want to make sure you’re actually being helpful and are doing something that’s needed.

6. Talk to everyone

Making conversation while your S.O. is around is always easier because they can help steer the conversation and open up places for you to speak, but it’s important that you make an effort to talk to everyone on your own as well. This will give you the chance to connect with your partner’s family, and give both you and them a chance to get to know each other better.

If talking to strangers makes you feel uncomfortable, get some background information–like what they do for a living, their hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc.—about everyone who will be there ahead of time from your partner. This information will give you some conversation starters, and knowing that you have them will help ease some of your anxiety.

Staying away from controversial topics such as religion and politics is another good rule of thumb to follow. Having open discussions isn’t a bad thing, but these specific topics can be triggering and emotional for a lot of people, and the holidays aren’t a time to bring them up. Save those discussions for down the road.

7. Don’t drink too much

It can be tempting to try and calm your nerves down with alcohol, but it will backfire in the end. The last thing you want to do is get wasted your first time meeting your S.O.’s family or wake up with hangxiety—the feeling of being overwhelmed and anxious after drinking—wondering what you did or said the previous night. If you’re going to drink, take it sloooooow; sip water throughout the entire night, and eat something filling (preferably with carbs).

8. Take opportunities to sit back and observe

People give away a lot about themselves without meaning to. Their behavior and how they interact with others can be very telling. When you have the opportunity, sit back and observe everyone. How are they interacting with each other? How do they speak to one another? Do they roll their eyes when they think no one is watching? This could be a big indicator of how they may treat you and regard your relationship going forward. This will also give you the chance to learn more about everyone’s likes and dislikes.

It’s also good to remember that despite the fact that you’re trying to make a great first impression, your S.O.’s family should also make you feel welcomed. If your partner’s family isn’t warm or inviting, it might be a bad sign.

9. Be yourself

It’s okay to want to put your best foot forward, but that doesn’t mean you should completely alter your personality to make others happy. It’s okay to cover up a bit more, cut back on the curse words, and make sure you’re on your best behavior, but you shouldn’t change who you are.

At the end of the day, just be yourself! The truth is, everyone resonates with genuine energy. Be polite and gracious, steer clear of triggering topics, make conversation with everyone, offer to help, respect the family rules and dynamic and, most importantly, be your authentic self. When you’re true to who you are, you can’t go wrong.