6 Ways to Effectively Deal With Stress as a Couple

UPDATED FEB 28, 2022

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As nice as it would be, stress is simply unavoidable. It’s a part of life, and we all have to learn how to deal with it. The effects of stress, however, are very real, and the effects stress can have on a relationship are equally real as well. All of this raises one question: how can you effectively deal with stress as a couple, and prevent it from poisoning the relationship?

Dealing with stress on your own is one thing, but dealing with it in a relationship is another. Stress can sometimes come from one person in the relationship who may be dealing with troubles at work, with family and friends, or even dealing with an injury, and that stress may spill over into the relationship. In other instances, stress may come from experiencing problems as a couple, such as arguing, money problems, feeling neglected, etc. No matter how you break it down, though, there’s no denying that when dealt with poorly, stress can put a serious strain on the relationship. This is why it’s so important for all couples to learn how to work through stress together, and deal with it in a healthy and productive way. Keep on reading to learn the 6 ways to effectively deal with stress as a couple, and prevent it from poisoning your relationship.

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How to deal with stress as a couple:

1. Communicate and unload

No matter what’s going on or how you’re feeling, it’s important to unload so you don’t hold it in and lash out later on. That being said, stress can skew our perception, so in times of difficulty it’s not uncommon to want to hold everything in for fear of bothering your S.O and causing them stress; it can make you fearful of their reaction. When I’ve been stressed in the past and have wanted to retreat inward, I’ve opened up to my boyfriend with something along the lines of, “I don’t want to bother you because I feel like a burden, and I know that’s on me and has nothing to do with you, but I’m really stressed about this.” I didn’t blame my boyfriend for my hesitation, and he reacted in a positive and helpful way. When it comes down to it, dealing with something and moving forward starts by communicating. Talking about stress with your S.O also reminds you that you’re a team, and you’ll want to tackle it together.

2. Listen

Sometimes all we need is to just talk and vent to someone who’s willing to listen. It’s important both you and your partner are that for each other. Both of you should be listening to each other, and neither one of you should be minimizing the stress or brushing the other one off. Having someone you can talk to without judgment or interruption will make both of you want to open up to each other more, which will then allow you to work through the stress in a productive manner.

3. Make a plan of action together

Once the talking and listening is done, you can begin working through the stress. Maybe you can make a list of what can be tackled, or help clean around the house to take the load off your partner, etc. It’s good to make a plan of action together because it’s also another reminder that you’re a team and supported. Also remember to be mindful of your tone—make suggestions, don’t force.

4. Be supportive

There’s nothing worse than feeling like your partner doesn’t have your back. The truth is, sometimes there may not be a solution to a problem, and in those times it’s important to say to your S.O that you’re sorry they’re going through a tough time and you can’t help them at the moment, but that you’re here for them. Be encouraging; tell them they can get through this and that you’ll be there with them every step of the way. Ask them if there’s anything you can do to help; give them what they ask for if you’re able to without it costing you. Remind each other that whatever happens, you’ll work through it together.

5. Don’t take on each other’s stress

It can be hard to not take on your S.O’s stress, especially when you’re aware of it. No one wants to see someone they love suffering, and a lot of times our human reaction is to take on their stress to try and alleviate some of their pain. This is counterproductive and toxic in so many ways. You’re going to cause more stress on yourself, which will in turn cause more stress on your relationship, and you’ll be more likely to turn inward because you won’t want to cause your S.O more pain. It’s going to be bad all around. Learn how to listen and be there without taking on your S.O’s stress. Recognize that their problem doesn’t directly affect you, and all you can do is listen, be there for them, and try to offer up a solution should one arise.

6. Check in with each other

If your S.O seems off, ask them about it. The longer you’ve been with someone, the easier it is to recognize the signs that they’re stressed. Regardless of how long you’ve been together, check in with each other regularly. This will remind both of you that you have a partner who’s willing to listen without judgment and that it’s OK to talk to them. It’ll make both of you want to open up more. If your partner’s closed up and are retreating into themselves, try to gently coax out whatever’s bothering them. It’s better for everyone involved that stress doesn’t get held in, and talking about it will make them feel better in the end.