It’s 2020, and somehow, we’re all still a little confused when it comes to the relationship department. Who’s to say what’s right and wrong? Well, no one, really, because every person and relationship is different. However, there are undeniable traits that you and your partner should have if you want your relationship to be successful. Implement these traits into your life to strengthen your relationship, or use these when you enter your next one–either way, you’re bound to make it your most flawless one yet.
Vulnerability
I can’t stress enough the importance of allowing yourself to be vulnerable in a relationship. A lot of us are terrified to be vulnerable because we don’t want to get hurt (again), or because we don’t want to be made a fool of.
Egos and walls have no place in a relationship. For so long I had walls up that I didn’t even know I’d put there. It took a lot of personal growth and building up my confidence to finally see the protective layer I’d built around my heart and soul. I put walls up because of how many times I’d been burned in the past. I was used to people leaving me, disappointing me. I’d come to believe that I’d never be good enough, could never do anything right, and was going to be heartbroken in the end. I’d felt ready for a relationship when my boyfriend and I started dating, too, so this fear of being vulnerable was purely subconscious. The difference in my relationship when my walls came down was night and day. I can’t imagine keeping my guard up now. I wasn’t safekeeping my heart by putting up this protective barrier around me, I was slowly destroying and dismantling my relationship with the only person who’d ever been good to me.
Your partner doesn’t deserve to pay for the mistakes or hurt from your past. They are not the people who have hurt you. Not allowing yourself to be vulnerable is also ego based as well. Egos are a waste of time–plain and simple. When you allow your ego to get the best of you, you’re the one who’s going to get hurt in the end because your relationship probably won’t succeed. If someone hurts you that’s on them, not you. Some people are just bad people and you will never ever change that. People may hurt you, but so what? It may take time, but you’ll get over it and move on eventually. Open yourself up to strengthen your relationship.
Confidence
Self-confidence also plays a key role in successful relationships. When you truly love yourself, you’re able to love someone else. I know, I know, it’s so cliché I’m cringing too, but it really is true! When you’re confident in yourself, you’re able to be confident in a relationship. People who are confident aren’t scared of getting hurt and letting themselves be vulnerable. Confidence also strengthens the trust in a relationship. When you’re confident, you don’t feel worried if your S.O has to travel or go to a party without you; and vice versa.
Communication skills
You can’t be afraid to communicate anything and everything to your S.O, and you always need to talk to them with respect. I always try to think about how I’d talk to a friend, and then I talk to my boyfriend the same way. You wouldn’t demand anything from your best friend, so why would you demand something from your S.O?
Good communication skills are important to have for everything in life, but especially when it comes to a relationship. Don’t be afraid to express your emotions; just be kind and calmly tell your partner what’s really on your mind. Any decent human being with decent communication skills won’t shut you down or invalidate your feelings.
Unconditional love
When I had my shoulder surgery my boyfriend took care of me every step of the way without any hesitation. He didn’t look at me any differently during the first few days when I needed help doing everything, or when I couldn’t change my clothing without help; even when I couldn’t go to the gym and had lost almost all of my muscle mass he still looked at me the same. About a year and a half post surgery, I asked him how he felt during the whole thing. He told me: “I didn’t feel any differently about you. I love you, and all I cared about was you getting better. I always love you and find you beautiful no matter what, you know that.” I guess his answer shouldn’t of surprised me, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t catch me slightly off guard. How wonderful it is to know that in all scenarios–good and bad–my partner will still love me. That’s the difference between conditional love and unconditional love. True love doesn’t have any conditions and will thrive in the most difficult scenarios.
Unconditional love also equates acceptance in a relationship—acceptance of your partner’s past, their flaws, their quirks, hobbies, etc. Accepting someone for exactly who they are is what true love is. You shouldn’t want to change your partner or think that by them changing you’ll be happier or love them more.
Being able to love someone unconditionally comes with the three other traits mentioned above. All of those traits equate to happiness, and can only bring you success in your relationship.
