5 Ways Wedding Debt Can Ruin Your Marriage

It’s finally time. You’re engaged to the love of your life, and wedding planning has begun. And of course you want to make all of your wildest dreams come true on your big day, who wouldn’t? So, you plan the wedding of your dreams and make it an unforgettable night for all—only to find that once the glitz and the glam has worn off and the high from the day subsides, you’re left with a pile of wedding debt.

Make no mistake: Wedding debt isn’t for a select few. With the average wedding cost being $30,433, it’s unsurprising that a reported 56 percent of newlyweds went into debt for their nuptials.

The truth is, things add up quickly, but the last thing you want is to start your new life together with your finances in the red. That’ll only create unnecessary stress in this chapter of your lives together. In the spirit of looking out for you and your betrothed, I set out to learn all there is to know about wedding debt, including how it can ruin your marriage, the crucial questions to ask yourself and your partner while planning, and how to avoid wedding debt without sacrificing the wedding of your dreams. Keep scrolling to learn more.

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5 ways wedding debt can ruin your marriage:

1. It creates stress right off the bat

It’s no secret that finances are a common point of contention for all couples. It’s not surprising. After all, money issues are stressful. Starting off your life as newlyweds with your money and bills already in the red is going to lead to immediate stress, tension, and problems. That debt will always be in the back of both of your mind’s, and will weigh on both of you and make you more likely to lash out at one another. It’s also going created an added layer of stress to any problems you might encounter.

2. It can build resentment

This is especially true for couples who don’t completely agree on wedding expenses and end up going into debt over it. I’ve talked to people who have admitted that they were stressed because their wedding added more debt into their relationship. It was a pretty bold and honest statement, and it paints the picture of how easily resentment can build up over time from wedding debt.

3. It strains communication

Open and honest communication is key in all healthy relationships, and when money problems arise, it’s not uncommon for that communication to decrease or, worst-case scenario, cease altogether. Once you stop talking to one another, that’s when you start drifting apart.

4. It starts your life as newlyweds at a disadvantage

If you start off your marriage in debt, you’re already starting at a disadvantage; you’re going to spend a good amount of time trying to catch up. You’ll forever be behind, and the debt will only continue to grow. Unsurprisingly, this can create a lot of unnecessary stress in your life as newlyweds.

5. It puts a strain on the relationship

With everything mentioned above, it’s not surprising that wedding debt can easily put a strain on your relationship. It’ll also make achieving your goals more difficult. For example, if you want kids one day but want to have your finances in order first and foremost, wedding debt is going to make it harder for that goal to come to fruition.

At the end of the day, wedding debt is only going to cause unnecessary problems in your marriage. That said, though, if you want to go ahead with the wedding, there are some things you can do to make sure you stay on track.

The questions you need to ask yourself and S.O:

If you’re set on planning a wedding but don’t have an abundance of funds to do so and are struggling to come up with a way to make things work, ask both yourself and your partner these questions:

• Why are you doing this?
• Why is it important to you?
• Will this change your relationship?
• Is this something you’re willing to compromise on?
• Can you wait?
• Are all your other finances in order?
• How much will you be leveraging yourselves if you go through with this?
• Do you want to start your marriage in debt?
• Why can’t you wait or compromise when it comes to the wedding?
• What’s the worst that could happen if you wait until you’re more financially secure?

How to avoid wedding debt:

1. Create a realistic budget

Having a realistic budget–and sticking to it–is what’s going to keep you in line when it comes to spending. Together, figure out what you can afford. Once you have that figured out, it’s important that you both follow it and stick with it to a T.

2. Figure out where you can compromise

Make a list of essentials together and be willing to compromise with one another. For example, if the venue and food/drinks are the most important things to both of you, allot for more room from your budget in that specific area and cut the cost down on something else.

3. Be flexible

You may have your heart set on a particular day or venue, but if you’re trying to be smart and eliminate as much debt as possible, it’s important that you’re both willing to be flexible. Obviously some venues will be more affordable than others, and sometimes certain times of year will either raise or lower the cost of the venue and/or amenities. Be willing to explore other options and be flexible before settling on one; who knows, you may stumble upon something even better for a fraction of the price.

4. Practice smart spending habits

If you know you’re planning for a wedding, start saving now. Set aside some money every week that will be used towards the wedding expenses, cut back on takeout and drive-thru coffees, don’t buy things for yourself unless you absolutely have to, etc. Planning ahead and practicing smart spending habits now will be helpful for the future. Plus, you’ll get a lot better at budgeting and managing money.

5. Focus on yourselves

At the end of the day, all that matters is that you and your partner are happy. This day isn’t about anyone else but the two of you. Don’t let outside factors get in your ear and influence your thoughts; keep your communication with each other open and honest to prevent outside distractions from getting in, and make sure the day and planning is all about the two of you and your wants and needs.