7 Ways To Survive Your Partner’s Family During the Holidays

The holidays are notoriously stressful, and more often than not, they bring out the family drama. Navigating the probing questions, ignoring the inappropriate remarks, and trying to stay calm when you feel like you want to rip someone’s head off is challenging enough on its own—but to then add your partner’s family into the equation? Well, the holidays suddenly become an olympic-level event that needs to be survived.

However, while this chaotic time of year can put a strain on your relationship, you really shouldn’t let it. After all, sharing the holidays with someone you love is magical, and that magic shouldn’t be tainted my familial tensions.

At the end of the day, no family is perfect. And the good news is that it is possible to get through the holidays with your partner’s family without losing your mind. Keep on reading for the 7 effective ways to deal with your partner’s family during the holidays.

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How to Survive Your Partner’s Family During the Holidays:

1. Talk about your concerns beforehand

Unless this is your first rodeo, you probably have an idea of what to expect from your S.O’s family. So, if something’s on your mind or worrying you, talk to your partner ahead of time. Talking things out beforehand will help relieve some of your stress and anxiety.

That said, it’s important to note that the discussion should still be respectful. You may feel a certain way, but it’s still your partner’s family at the end of the day. Of course, you shouldn’t hold back, but saying something rude is not going to be productive. We’re all connected to our families in different ways, and sometimes those ties run deeper than we think. Disrespecting your partner’s family may offend them and inadvertently create more tension. Remember: It’s not what you say, but how you say it.

2. Stay neutral

If conflict arises that doesn’t directly affect you, it’s a good idea to stay out of it. Planting yourself firmly in neutral territory will keep you in everyone’s good graces. Besides—who really wants to deal with family drama during the holidays? If it’s not your battle to fight, don’t fight it.

3. Be there for one another

Be honest about what you both need from each other, then figure out the best way those needs can be met ahead of time. For example, if there’s something that your S.O’s family has done in the past that’s made you feel awkward, discuss the best way you can try and avoid it going forward. Maybe your partner speaks to their family about their behavior, maybe you sit next to each other during meals, steer clear of upsetting topics, etc. Knowing that you each have the other one’s back is going to ease some of your anxiety.

4. Make a game plan

Going into something knowing how you’re going to deal with it can help calm your nerves. After talking out your concerns and the ways you can be there for one another, make a game plan together. Entering the holidays feeling like a united front is also going to make everything feel easier, and knowing that you’ll get through it together, as a couple, will be reassuring.

5. Know your triggers

Steering clear of emotionally charged topics such as religion, politics, and finances during time periods when emotions are already running high is a good idea. If a triggering topic comes up and tension in the room seems to be rising, try injecting some humor to divert the conversation.

If you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation or getting gassed up, physically remove yourself. Go to the bathroom and take a couple minutes to splash some cold water on your face and do some deep breathing; run out to your car for something you “forgot,” etc. Pay attention to your heart rate—it never lies. Whenever we’re anxious, our heart rate will increase.

Additionally, telling your S.O ahead of time about your triggers will also make them aware of when you may be uncomfortable. They may be able to change the subject or step away with you if you need a moment to calm down.

6. Try to set aside any hard feelings

The holidays only come around once a year, and you don’t want to miss out on the experience because you’re harboring hard feelings. For now, try your best to set aside any negativity or resentment until after the holidays so you can enjoy this time. You can always come back to and dissect your feelings after the holidays have passed.

7. Focus on the positive

Go into the holidays and social interactions with a positive mindset. Whenever you think of something negative, try to think of a positive to counteract it. Maybe you have to deal with some annoying family members, but you can get through it with your partner. Maybe you have to mingle with people you don’t particularly care for, but you and your S.O can still spend time with other people you do care about and get along with. At the end of the day, there is always something good to be found. You have the power to deal with your partner’s family in a healthy way, and that includes taking back your power and not allowing them to mar your experience.