Communication is key in a relationship, but what happens when you need to broach a tough subject that may lead to a fight? It’s okay, we’ve all been there, but I’m here to tell you that there are ways to have open and honest discussions about those tough subjects without causing a rift between you and your S.O. It’s also important to keep in mind that both you and your partner individually need to take accountability and stay grounded, open-minded, and calm when you’re communicating. Now, with that being said, let’s dive into my tips on how to best to start a conversation without starting a fight!
Address the topic openly
When you start the conversation, it’s helpful to go into the discussion with an open-mind, unopinionated, and most definitely not stubbornly. Likewise, your partner should listen with the same attitude.
By going into a discussion openly, you’re already clearing a potential barrier that could be put up between the two of you. If you go into a discussion closed-minded and absolutely set in your ways, there’s no way it’s going to end well. On the flip side, if you’re going into it openly, you’ll find you’re more grounded and able to think clearer.
Start with a question
One of my biggest pet peeves in life is when someone starts a conversation with me by saying things like “you need to do this,” or “this is why you’re wrong,” or even “you need to listen to me.” Newsflash: no one needs to do anything in life!
When you start a conversation with an abrasive statement, you’re already shutting the door for a mature discussion and solid communication. Most people don’t enjoy being approached about anything in that way. Instead, when you want to talk to your partner about something, try opening up with a question. Something I’ll sometimes say when I want to start a difficult conversation with my boyfriend is: “I want to ask you this, and I really want to have an open discussion about it and not fight at all, but I really would like to know…” Starting a conversation with a question like this lays it all out there and leaves no room for confusion moving forward.
Hear them out
One thing that makes me cringe when I see couples fight (which is equally cringe worthy, let’s be real), is when I see one person get so defensive they zip up and the conversation goes nowhere. You and your partner should both be willing to hear the other one out. Don’t assume someone is attacking you simply by stating their opinion or trying to have a real, honest discussion with you. Take your ego out of the equation and don’t allow yourself to get defensive.
Never insult them
Fighting dirty and going for low-blows isn’t anything new, it happens in all sorts of relationships. (Anyone else remember that epic showdown between Kim and Kourtney over the family Christmas card on KUWTK?) When you have a discussion with someone you’re close to, if you feel they’re being difficult, the idea of insulting them may be enticing and seem like the easiest option. But if you’re thinking of doing that, I have to tell you one thing: DON’T!
If your S.O is having a bad day and they’re not really up for talking or seem like they’re not hearing you out, try taking a step back and ending the conversation before it can escalate any further. You don’t want to get worked up and say something you may regret later on. You can only control your actions, so take accountability for yourself and take the high road. Chances are your S.O will hear you out eventually.
Do it privately
There is absolutely no reason you and your S.O should be having a tough conversation in public because 1) no one wants to see that, and 2) talks of that magnitude should stay between only the two of you.
Sometimes people may feel more comfortable addressing a topic around close friends or family, but one rule of thumb to keep in mind is that if you can’t say it privately, don’t say it publicly. My boyfriend and I never discuss anything without anyone else and it’s made our lives a million times better. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, and some things are meant to stay private. Your deep talks with your better half are one of them.
