It’s time. You’ve healed from your last breakup, you’re feeling good about yourself, you’ve finally met someone—this could be it, they could be the one—but are you really ready for a relationship?
While there are no set guidelines to follow when it comes to new relationships and everything they come with it, it’s important to know whether or not you’re truly ready to be with someone again. In order to have a successful relationship, you have to know both where you and your heart stand; you don’t want to go into a new relationship blindly, you want to go in with your eyes wide open.
Answer these questions below to find out whether or not you’re ready for a new relationship, and how to handle the results.
Have you healed from your last relationship?
You can’t move forward if you’re still stuck in the past, so if you want to be with someone new, you have to make sure you’ve made peace with the ending of your former relationship. Have you dealt with it properly? Have you forgiven your ex? The last thing you want to do is enter a new relationship still scarred from your old one, that’s how things get ugly and go south. It usually takes time to truly heal from a breakup, and you want to make sure you’ve given yourself enough time alone. People who are meant to be in your life will find a way in eventually, everything happens for a reason and works out in the end. Don’t let the idea of missing your fate scare you because fate will always work out. The most important thing you can do for yourself is make sure you’re truly healed from your former lover.
Have you gotten rid of your own baggage?
The last thing you want to do is bring old baggage into a new relationship. Your new partner shouldn’t pay for your ex’s mistakes, and you don’t want to project your ex’s mistakes onto your new beau, either. Also, watch out for circumstances that may have left a mark on you as you were growing up. Those scars are usually the deepest and hardest to get to, but you have to get to the root of it all if you want to start a new, successful, healthy, and loving relationship. The events in our lives shape us into who we are, but we should let them shape us in a positive way. If you’re going to allow the past to bring you and your new relationship down, you more likely than not need more time alone.
Do you know what you want out of your partner?
You can’t plan for everything in life, and no one is ever going to be absolutely perfect, but it’s important that you have a good idea of what is important to you in a partner. For example, I know I need to be with someone who works hard. I don’t care about how much money my S.O makes, it’s the work ethic that really counts IMO. I can’t stand laziness, so it would be unfair of me to go into a relationship with someone who’s on the lazier side because I wouldn’t be happy and my partner wouldn’t be either.
Figure out what’s important to you. Do you prefer someone who’s introverted or extroverted? What kind of values do you want them to have? Does religion factor into it at all? Ask yourself these types of questions to get a clearer picture on what you want. Once you’re able to answer all these types of questions, you’ll be able to find your match.
Do you know the kind of partner you want to be?
As important as it is to know what you want out of someone else, it’s equally important that you know what you want to be for someone else. What kind of S.O do you see yourself as? Do you see yourself as someone who hangs in the background because that’s where they feel comfortable, or do you see yourself as the bolder, more brazen one? It’s good to know where you stand personally because it’ll help you find the right one.
Are you able to accept someone as they are and let go of control?
Going off of the two questions mentioned above, this is also an important thing to ask yourself. You’ll never change someone—only they can do that themselves—so don’t go into a relationship thinking that you’ll be able to to make them a “better” person and fit your mold better. To be blunt: that notion is childish and foolish. Someone else’s personality, life, actions, etc.—it’s all out of your control. If you truly want to be with someone, you’ll accept them for who they are, flaws and all. You’ll be able to deal with any of their small annoyances from time-to-time, and you won’t want to change them.
Is your relationship with yourself in good standing?
If you’ve grown as an individual and allowed yourself time to heal from your last relationship, you’re probably going to have an amazing relationship with yourself. Being in touch with your feelings, who you are, and why you do the things you do will give you the ability to truly be with another and have your best relationship yet. If you don’t have a good relationship with yourself and are unaware of your emotions or reasoning behind your actions, you won’t be able to build a new healthy, strong, and successful relationship. How could you give yourself to someone else when you’re unsure of who you are? Short answer: you can’t. Humans are complex, we have many layers, and familiarizing yourself with all of yours will give you the confidence you need in your next relationship.
If you answered ‘yes’ to all of those questions…
You’re ready for your next relationship when it comes! Don’t rush it, enjoy the time being single and growing as an individual, you’ll be that much better for the right person!
If you answered ‘yes’ to some + ‘no’ to others…
Give yourself more time. The last thing you want to do is go into a relationship and have baggage from your past ruin your chance at a good one. You may feel ready in certain areas and unsure in others, which is totally normal and more common than you think. You won’t be able to heal yourself if you’re with someone else, but you’re close. Soon enough, you’ll be ready, and you’ll know when the time is right.
If you answered ‘no’ to everything…
Don’t go anywhere near a potential new partner—you’re not ready. As I mentioned before, there is no set guideline or timetable you have to follow when it comes to getting over a breakup and saddling up for the next one. Take your time, be gentle and patient with yourself. You want to make sure you’re okay with yourself and who you are before you open up to vulnerability and heartbreak again. There is no shame in taking time for yourself or in being alone, and you will probably find strength in that time by yourself. Be honest with yourself. If you’re not ready, don’t lie to yourself; deep down, you’ll know that it’s all wrong. Take the time and make sure you’re ready before you dive into a new relationship, your future self will be grateful.
