On June 25, 2020, my boyfriend and I will celebrate 7 years together. Yes, seven years together, and no ring in sight. *gasp* Yeah, try not to have a heart attack because I won’t be there to save you and having a heart attack over someone else’s relationship would be really stupid.
In my very first confessional, I talked openly and honestly about why my boyfriend and I waited over five years to move in together. I mentioned how often people would ask us when we were going to finally move in together, I talked about how no one could comprehend why we were waiting so long. (I’d recommend reading that one first if you haven’t already and coming back to this one after, the timeline will make more sense!) Flash forward, we’ve been living together for almost a year now and have loved it every step of the way. But now that living together is out of the way, there’s one string of questions that we still can’t seem to escape from…
“When are you getting married?”
“When is he going to put a ring on it?”
“Why aren’t you guys married yet?”
“Why are you waiting so long?”
MARRIAGE!! ALL WE EVER HEAR ABOUT IS MARRIAGE!!!
But what’s even more frustrating than constantly hearing strangers, family members, relatives, and friends (pretty much everyone in the entire world) ask about marriage is the fact that everyone thinks it’s my boyfriend’s own doing. Like he’s the one holding out and I’m just sitting here waiting for him to pop the question. I see the way people look at him when I tell them we’re not married or engaged and have no plans to be anytime soon. I hear the disdain laced in their unnecessary questions. I’m actually getting pissed off right now while I’m writing this because it’s so unfair to him, and actually a mild slap in the face to me, also.
My boyfriend and I have had long discussions about our future together, and when I say future together, I really mean future together. We have no intentions of ever breaking up, no doubt in the back of our minds that we might not work out—which is exactly why we’re waiting until we feel like the time is right. We have seen way too many couples rush into marriage because they feel like they “have to” or it’s “the right thing to do,” and they end up regretting it later on. They can’t afford the wedding and put themselves in debt, they’re stressed about planning it—the list goes on and on. I’ve seen firsthand how stressful weddings can be when done wrongly. Now, answer me this: why would I want to be stressed during a time that’s supposed to be one of the happiest ones of my life? I would be out of my mind if I thought that sounded fun.
2018 
Nick’s 26th bday, 2017
Both my boyfriend and I want to get married, but marriage is not our number one priority. Our careers are. That’s always been our number one driver. See, the fact of the matter is this: marriage will always be there, there will always be engagement rings for sale along with the dresses, tuxedos, venues—opportunities in our careers may not. Marriage is not going to change the relationship my man and I have, and if it was going to, then we probably shouldn’t be getting married anyway. Marriage shouldn’t change your relationship, it should just solidify the bond of two people and represent them coming together as one, IMO.
We’ve told many people this logical explanation, laid it all out, and yet they still cannot fathom it. Everyone still somehow thinks it’s my boyfriend’s doing and I’m sitting here twiddling my f*cking thumbs, waiting around to get a ring on my finger. It’s 2020, everyone talks about equality and is all for it, yet when it comes to marriage, everyone assumes it’s the man who’s holding out. Oh, there’s no possible way it could be both people or maybe even the woman. No, that’d never happen! Right?
Years ago, when my boyfriend and I had only been together for almost three and a half years, someone said to me: “If you’ve been together this long and you still haven’t gotten a ring, you have to think about what he’s doing. That’s a sign. It means he’s not seriously committed to you.” What the f*ck? He was lucky I didn’t punch him in the f*cking face. I have to think about what he’s doing? How about YOU f*cking think about what the f*ck YOU’RE doing?! You’re being an as*hole by assuming it’s my boyfriend’s own doing! (You know what they say about people who assume things.)
Here’s the deal: I’m only 24 years old, and I have an impeding neck injury that’s only recently been diagnosed. No way in hell do I want to plan a wedding while living in pain daily. Imagine trying on a wedding dress or getting bridal hair and makeup done while being unable to move your neck! I wouldn’t even be able to take photos because I can’t turn my head! Oh, and forget having any sort of fun honeymoon because physically, I can’t do sh*t! I’m already stressed out because of my injuries, and it’d be extremely idiotic of me to add planning a wedding on top of all of that.
2018 
2019 
2015
Additionally, my boyfriend is at a crossroads in his career right now. Social media businesses can be scary and stressful because they’re not guaranteed, and he’s trying to step outside of his comfort zone at the moment. Why would he want to add the stress of asking my father for his blessing, locking down the right ring, and creating the perfect proposal on top of all of that? He’d also be an idiot for adding that extra stress, too! We also want to make sure we can pay for the entire wedding ourselves because we want to go big—like, fantasy dream wedding big. We actually could do it now but, like I said, it’d be another added stress factor. Neither one of us wants that. It also irritates me when people ask about marriage because now, my intial instinct is to fire back: “How do you know I want to get married?” Again, you know what they say about people who assume.
The funniest thing about all of this? We’ve actually talked about a timetable for marriage. We’ve discussed timing, age, all of it. I’m not going to share it right now because that’s something I want to keep between us, but we’ve had multiple long discussions about this.
It’s upsetting seeing my boyfriend get discouraged sometimes because people make him feel like he’s doing something wrong. His life is already scary enough as it is, he questions whether or not he’s making the right decision every day, he doesn’t need people around him adding onto that. My life has bigger problems than whether or not I have a ring on my finger.
People really need to learn that no two relationships are the same. I applaud couples who do things for themselves and live by their own rules. Everyone wants to rebel against the system and yet can’t break out of the traditional relationship box. There is no right or wrong answer, and you can’t really set a time limit when it comes to life. If you asked me years ago where I thought I’d be by 24, I would’ve told you wrestling all over the world every single night. I wouldn’t of told you living with a broken neck and shoulder surgery because of a drunk driver. I wouldn’t of told you that I’d still be living in my home state. I didn’t plan for this, and yet it still happened, because that’s life. If I can have an entire career change because of a drunk driver, what makes anyone think that there’s still a time limit when it comes to steps in a relationship?
I don’t mean this in a shady or negative way at all, but if I’m speaking very honestly and bluntly (as I always do 😉 ), my boyfriend and I are happier than almost all of the married couples we know. We don’t regret anything in our relationship. We’re both happy and proud of ourselves for moving at our own pace and always doing what’s right for both of us. Had we listened to people about moving in together sooner, we probably wouldn’t still be together today; and over our dead bodies will we listen to anyone else about marriage.
Check out my confessional on why my boyfriend and I waited so long to move in together here.
Check out my confessional on how my boyfriend and I navigate a relationship on social media here.
Check out my confessional on what I learned from letting myself be vulnerable here.
