When it comes to talking about sex, even the most outspoken, confident person can get tongue-tied. This is especially true in romantic relationships: We want to ask our partner for what we want in the bedroom, but we want to do so without hurting their feelings or having them perceive it as criticism.
It’s natural to be intimidated by the thought of broaching this subject with your partner—regardless of gender and sexual orientation. After all, sex is an extremely intimate and vulnerable act; the idea of having your S.O potentially reject your wants or desires can be a scary one. However, communication is key in all relationships, and the more you practice discussing sex-related matters with your partner, the easier it’ll become over time.
Everyone deserves to feel sexually satisfied in their lives, and there’s no reason you or your partner shouldn’t feel that way. You should be able to ask your partner for what you want in the bedroom without a problem, and vice versa. Keep on reading to learn how to ask for what you want in the bedroom without hurting your partner’s feelings.
How to ask for what you want in the bedroom:
1. Figure out what you like
Getting a clear picture on what you like will make it easier to ask for it. Think about your sex life—is there anything your partner does that you love? Is there something they do that you enjoy but just want to try tweaking a little to gain maximum pleasure?
Also think about what turns you on when you’re alone. How do you pleasure yourself? Maybe there’s a certain movement or touch you enjoy that your partner can try to mimic.
2. Pick the right time
As important as open and honest communication is, talking to your partner in the right tone and setting is equally as important. Trying to discuss what you want in bed after your S.O has just walked in the door after a bad day at work will make them less likely to hear you out. On the other hand, though, if you were to broach the subject when your partner’s feeling good and isn’t busy, you’re more likely to get a positive reaction.
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3. Be positive, direct, open, and honest
Keeping the conversation positive, direct, open, and honest is also key. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner what they like or need from you in the bedroom, either. Doing this will help create an open dialogue between the two of you, and allow for more room in the conversation. This will also make it feel like less of an attack or criticism on your partner’s sex skills because it’ll be about pleasing both of you.
4. Use your words or body language as a guide
If you like something your partner’s doing, tell them! If you’re uncomfortable with talking, try using body language as a guide for your partner to follow.
Moaning is one of the most obvious signals of pleasure, but certain movements—like leaning in, arching your back, etc.—can also be huge signals as well. You can also use your hands to guide your partner to places you’d like them to touch you, areas you want to touch them, and so on and so forth. Foreplay is also a great time to do this, since you can use it as a way to set the tone and gently guide your partner.
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5. Check in with each other regularly
Check in with each other and make sure both of your needs are being met regularly. You can do this immediately after sex if you’re both comfortable, hours or days later, or even randomly. This will help ensure that you’re both prioritizing each other’s needs, and you’re both making an active effort to make sure they’re being met.
This is especially important for those in heterosexual relationships, since women typically have a harder time speaking up for themselves and asking for what they want in bed. A partner who opens up the discussion about sex and can help a women feel comfortable in their sexuality can help release any shyness or inhibitions surrounding the topic of sex. (Side note: ladies, you do not need a man to validate your sexuality, and you should embrace the sh*t out of it, despite what anyone says.)
Additionally, talking to each other about your fantasies will also make asking for what you want in the bedroom easier. Getting real about both of your desires will also amp up the anticipation for your next rendezvous. Remember: A healthy sex life is part of a healthy relationship, and strong communication surrounding the topic of sex will only bring you and your partner closer together and strengthen your bond.
DISCLAIMER:
The information in this article is intended for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical or professional advice. Always consult a physician or any other professional health care provider regarding any health or wellness questions you may have, and before beginning or trying a new health, lifestyle, or wellness regimen.
