Ah, relationships. Probably one of the only things in life that still remains a mystery to us all. What makes the perfect relationship? How do you know you’ve found the one? When should you compromise or hold firm in your beliefs? What amount of sacrifice is too much? All these questions about what happens in the actual relationship itself, but none about how to actually land the relationship you want.
Let’s be clear: there is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and refusing to settle for less. Yes, relationships require compromise and communication. Yes, no one is ever going to be perfect, and creating unattainable expectations won’t find you Prince Charming or Cinderella. All of this is true, but there is someone out there for everyone, the question is now how to find it.
Below I’ve broken down how to land your dream relationship. Use these tips to help the universe send you that special someone, and to finally land the relationship you want.
Be clear on what you want
Before you can find what you’re looking for, it’s important that you get clear on what it is you want. Figure out what matters to you the most. For some that may be having religious beliefs that line up with their own, or having similar interests/hobbies. How does someone’s work ethic factor into the equation? What do you want out of a partner? Is a bad sense of humor a deal-breaker? Don’t worry too much about looks because, 1) looks may go away, but that emotional connection will always be there, and 2) there’s a good chance you’ll be attracted to someone because of certain physical attributes, as well as spiritual ones.
In my case, the men I’ve always been drawn to are the ones with a truly confident demeanor—the opposite of someone with a try-hard, insecure demeanor, who walks around with a massive, narcissistic ego because they feel bad about themselves (gag)—but real confidence that’s silent. I’ve also always loved a really good sense of humor, and a very strong work ethic, someone full of big dreams and aspirations. I’ve also always loved light eyes and big arms, but looks were always secondary to me because I knew that in the end, it was what was underneath that mattered. You could be People Magazines’ sexiest man alive and I still wouldn’t of cared if you had the personality of a dead cat. The funniest thing of all, though, is the fact that my boyfriend of nearly seven years now fits every single personality and physical trait I just named, but I didn’t fall in love with my man because of his gorgeous green eyes and big arms, I fell in love with him because of the way he carried himself, the way we could laugh and chat together for hours, and the way he made me feel.
Be upfront with someone about what you want
In a recent post covering the relationship department, I talked about how honesty is a major turn-on. It’s unfair to both you and someone else if you aren’t upfront about what it is you’re looking for, and what you want out of the relationship. For example, if you want to have a big family one day and your partner isn’t looking for any offspring, you have a problem. Be clear and specific on what the relationship deal-breakers are, communicate these to your new or potential partner in a way that doesn’t make them feel attacked, and also give them a chance to reciprocate the sentiments. Having that open line of honest communication with yourself and another will prevent you both from wasting your time.
With that being said, when it comes to things that aren’t major deal-breakers (i.e marriage, children, how you envision your life playing out), you’re going to want to let go of control. No one is perfect, and until you are yourself, you can’t expect perfection from anyone else. Don’t rule someone out because they can’t fit extreme, unattainable expectations; again, as long as they’re not deal-breakers. You’ll know when you’re being too picky and looking for something to be wrong, versus when there actually is a problem.
Related: Why Playing Hard to Get Is Seriously Overrated
Know your self-worth
Going off of what I mentioned above, if you want to land the relationship you want, knowing your self-worth is key. Don’t settle for someone or mold them to fit your idea of the ideal relationship. In Ariana Grande’s song “in my head,” the singer belts out: “my imagination’s too creative/they see demon, I see angel.” What she’s really singing through this is that she’s only seeing what she wants to see out of her partner, while everyone else around her can see the truth of it all. You may see the good in someone and believe you can mold them to to fit your expectations, but it’s going to be a losing battle in the end. You won’t get the kind of relationship you want if you settle for less than you deserve.
Additionally, landing the relationship you want requires you to be yourself—flaws and all. If a new or potential partner is trying to change who you are, they don’t really love you anyway. Harsh, I know, but it’s something that needs to be said. Much like you shouldn’t try to mold someone else to fit your needs, you shouldn’t try to mold yourself to fit another’s.
Don’t look for it
Patience is key in landing the relationship you want. Think about it: how often do things come to us or begin falling into place once we stop stressing and obsessing over it? Too many times to count. When the time is right, the universe will send you your soulmate, someway, somehow. When my boyfriend and I got together, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and nor was I really interested or concerned with having one. Needless to say, my man came into my life and changed it in the best way possible when I least expected it. The universe opened the door for our relationship when the time was right. Neither one of us forced it, it happened naturally.
Take the right steps in your day-to-day life
The universe won’t send you someone if you keep wasting your time with people who don’t line up with what you want, so it’s important that you cut any negative or toxic ties out of your life. If you’re wasting your time with men or women who aren’t what you’re looking for, you need to let them go. It actually makes total sense when you think about it—the universe can’t give you what you want until you show it that you’re willing, ready, and open for it. This doesn’t mean that you have to be afraid to put yourself out there, have fun, or try new things—you’re certainly entitled to all of that—but after you go out and have your fun and realize a person isn’t what you’re looking for, don’t keep wasting your time. Life is way too short to put your energy into something you’re not fully invested in anyway. Also, try being mindful and spiritual in your daily life, however that may be for yourself. Raising your consciousness will also help attune your senses to the right person.
Know that it starts with you
In the end, landing your dream relationship starts with you. You can’t love someone else until you love yourself, and baggage from the past has no place in a new relationship. Don’t jump into something new when you haven’t healed from your previous relationship, you won’t get the relationship you want if you’re not truly healed and ready. Jumping into a relationship when you’re at war internally with yourself and aren’t ready will probably cause you to destroy the relationship in the end. (We humans can be so self-destructive sometimes.) You can’t move on with your life until you heal yourself from the inside-out.
Related: How to Heal After A Breakup
In the end, the best thing you can do to ensure you find your soulmate and get the relationship you crave deep-down, is keep the relationship with yourself in good standing. Make an effort to work on growing as a person, practice using self-love affirmations, and get comfortable loving yourself. After all, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one of all.
Related: Are You Ready For A Relationship?
