Is the Pandemic Putting a Strain on Your Relationship?

A lot of people in the world are agitated right now. “Normalcy” seems like a distant thing of the past, and the future doesn’t hold the promise of “normalcy” returning anytime soon. It’s upsetting; no one could have predicted this. But here we are.

The pandemic has made tensions run high, emotions go into overdrive, and relationships seem fraught. It’s no secret that it’s put a strain on everyone and everything, and it shouldn’t come as a surprise that most couples have been feeling the agitations of the pandemic seep into their relationship.

So, how do you know if the pandemic is putting a strain on your relationship? Below I’ve broken down the signs that it is, some of the reasons why this could be happening, and what you can do to get your relationship back on track.

---

Signs it is:

• You’re bickering more. This is one of the most obvious signs that the pandemic is putting a strain on your relationship. As for why you’re bickering more, there could be a multitude of reasons, but take that as a sign that the pandemic is getting to both of you.
• You’re annoyed at your S.O more now. Things you once found endearing or didn’t mind at all may now seem like the most aggravating thing in the world to you. Maybe before the fact that you had to remind them to take the trash out didn’t bother you, but now you want to scream every time you have to remind them. Whatever it is, no matter how big or small, this is another sign that the pandemic is putting a strain on your relationship.
• You’re spending less time together, talking less, and intimacy isn’t as frequent. All of these signs together or separate point to the pandemic straining your relationship. This is probably coming from the fact that you’re spending more time than ever before with your S.O, tensions and emotions are running high, and you don’t have any ways to discharge that energy.

Reasons why this could be happening:

When COVID first hit the world and everyone had to go into lockdown, it was a big blow to all normalcy of life for us all. It was such a big change that happened all at once, and coupled with fear of the virus, I think made it easier for everyone to adjust very fast. We had to adapt because we had no other choice.

All sense of normalcy has been erased for nearly a year now, and I think a lot of people are itching to get back to the way things were before, and they’re scared and agitated about the fact that there’s no end in sight. You go from going to work on your own and doing your own thing, going out to dinner or grabbing drinks with friends, hosting get-togethers and going to parties, to being cooped up in the house day in and day out. Any major change in life has the potential to put a strain on your relationship, so it’s not surprising that a change as big as this one may be causing tension between you and your S.O as well. Mix that change with spending all of your time with the same person 24/7—especally if you didn’t before—and it’s a lot. The massive change and loss of any previous form of escape is probably one thing that’s getting to either one or both of you, and in turn, adding stress to your relationship.

Another big reason why the pandemic could be putting a strain on your relationship is because of money. Thanks to COVID, everyone’s pockets have taken a hit. People are losing jobs, the economy is suffering, people don’t want to go out and spend money in case they’re out of work or business is slow, and this is true for people who work online and in-person. Money is a huge stressor in general, and coupled with the pandemic and the reality of just how fragile everything can be, it’s bound to put a strain on your relationship.

What to do:

The good news is that even if the pandemic is putting a strain on your relationship, you can take steps in order to get it back to normal again. It’s fixable. Here’s what to do:

• Give each other space. If you’re both working from home or out of work right now, you’re going to want to try and give each other space as much as possible. This will help you feel like you’re not breathing down each other’s neck constantly, and will make you feel like you’re still in your own bubble. My boyfriend and I worked from home before the pandemic hit and shared an office, but after, when we stopped going out altogether and his gym was closed, I moved my work stuff downstairs into the kitchen. I did this mostly because I love being able to look out the slider onto my deck and see the outside, but also because the energy is just better overall. We always vibed well together before, but for some reason, creating that distance has given us both more breathing room and has led to more productivity. Try to create some distance between you and your partner if you’re spending almost all your time at home—even if you just have to go into another room. It’ll make a world of difference. This will also be good if you’re working from home, as it will mimic a normal workday.
• Establish a healthy routine. Having a healthy routine is important in general, but establishing one for your day-to-day life as far as your relationship’s concerned will also help strengthen it. In my relationship, my boyfriend and I mostly do our own thing during the day (we’ll still talk to each other randomly throughout) until after 5:00 when we’re both done working. We’ll still usually do our own leisurely activities, but when it’s time for supper, we sit down and eat together and watch TV, then get ready for bed and read together. Try establishing a healthy routine in your relationship.
• Learn how to get agitation and pent-up energy out in a healthy way. So often we take pent-up energies and frustrations out on those closest to us, and this behavior is bound to put a strain on anyone’s relationship after a while. If you’re feeling any pent-up energy or agitation, find and utilize healthy discharges instead of taking it out on your partner. Plus, you’ll feel better too. These discharges can be anything from journaling, mediation, exercise, therapy, and more.
• Find and do things on your own. It’s important for all of us to have hobbies or things that we do for ourselves, that give us little mental escapes, and this is true even more so now. This goes beyond doing things like watching TV; I’m talking about other things that will occupy your mind and give you time to yourself. (After awhile TV will get old.) You can’t rely on your S.O to entertain you, and your life shouldn’t revolve around them—that’s not healthy for anyone—and this will drive both of you crazy; it won’t allow for any breathing room. Find ways to occupy your time on your own. This will make the time that you do spend with your partner even more special.

• Make date nights happen. Even if you can’t go out, make date nights happen in your home. Doing this will help keep the spark alive, and also breaks up the mundane day-to-day routine. If you spend most of your time dressed down, take the time to get dressed up for date nights even if they’re at home, and vice versa! I typically stay dressed down and don’t wear any makeup during the week, but on Saturdays (when mine and my boyfriend’s date night is) I’ll take the time to get dressed up and put on my makeup the same way I would if we were going out, and my boyfriend does the same. We also did this on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day even though we were just staying home, and it made the biggest difference! Doing this will make the night feel special for both of you.
• Make an effort with intimacy. The longer you go without anything in life, the less important it becomes. This rings true when it comes to intimacy between you and your S.O. If you don’t make an effort with it and make it a priority, the more easily it’ll fall into the background. Intimacy is a huge factor in relationships, and of course life will happen and get in the way sometimes, but during those times that life isn’t happening, it’s important you make intimicay a priority. Doing this will keep the bond between you and your partner strong, and also bring you closer together.
• Be conscious of spending. Money is a huge stressor and can cause tension between couples all on its own, never mind adding that stressor into the midst of a pandemic when people are out of work and money is tight. It’s important that you and your partner talk about money, your budgets, and spending habits openly and honestly, and that you both make a conscious effort to be more mindful when it comes to spending. Doing so will help alleviate so much stress, even more so than you probably realize.