I don’t know about you, but I rarely think of self-pleasure as an act of self-care. For me, taking time for myself usually means running a bubble bath, lighting a few candles and settling in with a good book. But after watching Season 5, Episode 7 of Emily in Paris, I realized it might be time to rethink that.
In the episode, leading sexual wellness brand LELO and its top-selling sex toys, the SONA 2 Cruise and SORAYA Wave, make a surprise cameo at a PRIDE celebration in Paris. “The appearance marks a fun, organic moment for the brand within the show’s bold and empowering world,” says LELO, “reinforcing the brand’s mission to make people more comfortable and confident in their sexuality.”
Seeing a sexual wellness brand woven so naturally into a pop‑culture phenomenon like Emily in Paris reminded me that pleasure is a normal part of everyday life—and it’s time we treat it as a meaningful part of self‑care. To explore where self‑pleasure and self‑care intersect, I spoke with LELO sexpert, certified sex therapist and licensed psychologist Dr. Laurie Mintz, Ph.D. Keep scrolling to learn why solo sex is the new partnered sex, including why self-pleasure counts as self-care
Why does self-pleasure count as self-care?
It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship, “self-pleasure enhances sex and life,” Dr. Mintz said. She explained that taking the time to pleasure yourself allows you to learn and stay attuned to your body. This includes discovering what you need to experience pleasure and have an orgasm—both of which can fluctuate and change over time due to factors such as age, stress, and so forth. Plus, learning what you like makes it easier to speak up during partnered sex and have a more satisfying sexual experience all around.
Additionally, masturbation has some serious health benefits. Dr. Mintz says self-pleasure—especially self-pleasure that leads to an orgasm—releases “feel-good hormones that decrease stress and help you sleep.” Likewise, pleasuring yourself can also decrease pain and tension in your body. Plus, giving yourself an orgasm or simply taking the time to indulge and touch your body can feel empowering AF. Unsurprisingly, all of these things, together, can not only help improve your mental and physical health but also boost your confidence.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, taking the time to indulge in solo play emphasizes that you and your needs matter. “Psychologically, self-pleasure is a way to say to yourself that your needs and pleasure are important and that you are taking time to care for and love yourself,” Dr. Mintz explained. To put it in layman’s terms, it helps shift your mindset and makes it easier to get on board with making time to pleasure yourself.
“…solo sex is still sex; it’s a deeply intimate act that should be conducted carefully and respectfully.”
How to get comfortable with solo play
1. Educate yourself
According to Dr. Mintz, educating yourself is the first step to claiming your pleasure and sexuality. Thankfully, there’s tons of resources for this. As far as online platforms go, Dr. Mintz recommends omgyes.com; the website contains key findings from a massive study into women’s pleasure, along with tutorials and tips on how to please yourself. Dr. Mintz says that understanding the science alone can make you feel more comfortable having sex with yourself, and knowing how others pleasure themselves can make you feel more secure about your preferred pleasure method.
Additionally, Dr. Mintz says reading self-pleasure books—like like Sex for One by Betty Dodson, For Yourself by Lonnie Barbach, and DIY by Eric Sprankle—can also help. Likewise, Dr. Mintz’s book, Becoming Cliterate, offers a detailed “how-to” chapter about self-pleasure. And according to Dr. Mintz, “studies show women who read the book become more orgasmic and feel more entitled to pleasure.”
2. Set boundaries around solo play
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but solo sex is still sex. It’s a deeply intimate act that should be conducted carefully and respectfully. This starts with setting boundaries around solo play. Sure, quickies are great and all, but squeezing self-pleasure into whatever five-minute window you can gets old quick. Worse, it’s hard to have a fulfilling solo session when you’re pressed for time. So, indulge in self-pleasure during time blocks when you’re least likely to be interrupted. This will not only make it easier to stay present and get aroused, but it will also let you to fully sink into the experience. This, subsequently, will help you become more comfortable pleasuring yourself.
Additionally, try to create an environment that ignites your senses. This includes lighting candles, using soft, ambient lighting, playing music in the background, and so forth. Sparking your senses and luxuriating in the right environment will make it easier to relax. And this will subsequently get your body primed and ready for arousal.
3. Ease into the experience
Furthermore, let yourself ease into the experience. This will get your mind, body and spirit ready fully ready for what’s to come and leave you more satisfied and fulfilled in the end. So, don’t dive into stimulating your genitals right away. Instead, try taking some deep breaths, caressing your body, reading erotic, and so forth. Also, don’t make climaxing your number-one goal. Letting go of this expectation will reduce the amount of pressure you’re putting on yourself. And this, in turn, will make it easier to stay present.
4. Ground yourself with a vibrator
If you’re having trouble staying present, try bringing a vibrator into the mix. While this might sound counterproductive, it is actually anything but. Case in point: A study conducted with college students revealed that vibration therapy can promote relaxation and reduce anxiety.
“Vibration therapy can help encourage relaxation and reduce anxiety-like behaviors,” Naima Karp writes in a blog post for LELO. Karp then says this is because vibrators also double as full-body massagers, meaning they can be used externally to relax your body and release tension. Plus, the vibrations they emit provide sensory stimulation that can help you stay grounded and present. (This can also work for partnered sex, too).
5. Have sex with yourself regularly
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have overhaul your schedule or lifestyle to make self-pleasure a normal part of your self-care routine. Like the classic Nike slogan, Dr. Mintz says to “just do it”—and don’t wait until you’re horny, either. After all, libido tends to dip when you’re going through a dry spell. So if you haven’t been having sex regularly, diving in is the perfect way to get yourself back into the swing of things. Likewise, Dr. Mintz also suggests scheduling self-pleasure into your calendar. This might look like having standing weekly dates with yourself, masturbating before bed or after you wake up, and so forth.
“Women who use clitoral vibrators have easier and more frequent orgasms.”
– Dr. Laurie Mintz, Ph.D
Toys and accessories for your self-pleasure journey
1. Lubricant
According to Dr. Mintz, using lubricant during solo play is non-negotiable. She explained we typically associate wetness with being horny, and lube mimics that sensation. This, in turn, can make you feel more turned on and subsequently heighten the experience. Plus, Dr. Mintz says the vulva shouldn’t be touched dry. So no matter how you spin it, using lube will make solo sex better.
LELO
Personal Moisturizer
As far as lubricants go, you can’t go wrong with LELO’s Personal Moisturizer. It has a water-based formula and is made without parabens or glycerin, so it’s safe to use on sensitive skin and with condoms or sex toys. Plus, you can also use it as a vaginal moisturizer whenever you’re feeling dry down there.
2. A clitoral vibrator
Furthermore, Dr. Mintz is also a huge fan of clitoral vibrators. She explained that this type of vibrator typically lets you orgasm more easily and more frequently. Plus, using a vibrator can increase pelvic floor health and consequently decrease pain during sex.
LELO
MIA™ 3
Reminiscent of a tube of lipstick, the MIA™ 3 has a sculpted tip that’ll precisely target the clitoris and give you an out-of-this-world climax. Plus, it’s waterproof and travel-friendly, and safe to use with condoms.
LELO
SMART WAND™ 2 Medium
Made for all-over pleasure, this vibrating wand emits 10 different rumbling sensations to all your external erogenous zones. What’s more, it also doubles as a full-body massager. It can reduce tension and promote relaxation for sex.
LELO
SONA™ 3 Cruise
The perfect clitoral vibrator for beginners, this toy uses three patented LELO technologies to deliver air pulsations from the vibe directly to the internal clitoris. More importantly, it increases in intensity gradually and naturally; that way, you can orgasm quickly without feeling rushed and like you didn’t give yourself enough time to warm up.
Meet the Expert
MEET THE EXPERT
Dr. Laurie Mintz, Ph.D, is a LELO Sexpert, licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and a Fellow of the American Psychological Association. She is also an Emeritus Professor at the University of Florida and has published over 60 scholarly works and authored press books, including Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex, In 2023, she was named one of Forbes’ “50 over 50” women innovators.
