There’s no denying that breakups are tough. Healing from, moving on, and closing the chapter on that part of your life and relationship takes time, and time heals all—but what are you supposed to do when you just can’t get over your ex?
People can be stuck on their ex from many reasons—not giving themselves the chance to mourn the relationship, staying in contact with their ex, and so on and so forth. Whatever the case may be, there’s nothing more frustrating than being hung up on a past love, unable to move forward.
That said, if you’re currently feeling like this, you’ve come to the right place. Now’s the time to pause, re-evaluate, and implement some new tactics to heal from the heartbreak. Keep scrolling to learn how to get over your ex for good.
How to get over your ex for good:
1. Let yourself grieve
It’s important to let yourself grieve for losses in life, and breakups are no exception. If you’re still stuck on your ex, it may be because you haven’t allowed yourself to grieve properly. Stifling and shoving down what you’re feeling, or turning to distractions like partying or a new relationship is only going to band-aid the situation. The longer you prolong your facing your grief, the harder it’ll be to deal with when it finally come to the surface—because it will eventually; nothing stays buried forever.
No matter how hard or uncomfortable it may be, give yourself some space to grieve on your own. Allow yourself to feel everything, take some time to sit with your emotions. If you don’t do this, you’ll stay stuck on your ex longer than you need to.
2. Disconnect from social media and block them
Social media only makes breakups harder. No matter how curious you are to see what your ex is up to—if they’re hurting the same way as you, if they’ve moved on, if they’re enjoying themselves, etc.—nothing good is going to come out of knowing. Seeing your ex is only going to cause inner turmoil, anxiety, and distress. Disconnecting from social media will help prevent and stop you from obsessing, thus making it easier to move on.
Additionally, it’s definitely a good idea to block them on all social media platforms you’re active on, as well as their number in your phone. You don’t need to be reminded of them, and if they’re not blocked, the temptation to check and see what they’re up to will always be there. Doing this is going to be the best thing for you mentally, and help speed up the healing process. Be mindful of your exes friends, too. It may be a good idea to block them as well so you don’t have to see your ex or what they’re up to.
3. Sever ties or set boundaries
The idea of remaining friends with your ex may be nice in theory, but in reality, it’s going to keep you chained to them even longer. If there’s nothing linking you and your ex—like children—it’s time to cut the cord. There’s no need for you two to stay in contact, and you’ll never be able to fully move on if they’re still a part of your life in any capacity.
For some, severing ties may not be possible if there are factors such as children involved. If that’s the case, make sure there are set boundaries between the two of you. You can still be polite to them while having set boundaries. Keep the communication to a minimum, and the topics of conversation to only what’s necessary. Setting boundaries and creating as much distance as possible is going to help solidify the breakup even more, and make it easier to move on. If it’s too much of a challenge to talk to your ex while you’re trying to move forward, consider getting a third party involved. You can have the communication go through them until you’ve fully healed and gotten to a place where you can talk to them.
4. Try new things
It’s important that you let yourself grieve, but you shouldn’t wallow in your sorrows forever. Now’s the perfect time for you to try some new things and establish new routines! Pick up a new hobby or learn something new, or try changing your morning or nighttime routine to fit your new life. Not only will this will be a physical representation of moving on, but it will also keep your mind busy and give you the chance to rediscover yourself and what makes you happy.
5. Get rid of reminders of them
Any little reminder of your ex—whether it be a perfume or cologne they gifted you, a shirt of theirs, a piece of jewelry they bought you, photos of the two of you together, etc.—is going to make it much more difficult to move on. You don’t have to throw away stuff that reminds you of them, but you should at least set it aside until you’ve gotten over them. Out of sight, out of mind. You can create an “ex-box” to store reminders of them to have and look back on one day if you’re the nostalgic type.
6. Let go
If your ex wronged you, you may still be stuck on them because you’re holding onto feelings of anger, bitterness, or resentment. In order to move on, you need to let those feelings go. As hard as it may be, you need to accept that there’s a good chance you will never get an apology from them, that they will never acknowledge what they did or how they hurt you, and that they will never take responsibility for their role in any of it. And you know what? That’s OK. You don’t need to spend the rest of your life waiting for an apology or acknowledgement from them.
Forgive them and let go. Doing this doesn’t invalidate your feelings or minimize what they did to you, but it does give you the chance to finally heal and move on. You deserve peace, and holding on is only going to prolong your suffering. Give yourself permission to let go and forgive, and remember that closure can only come from within yourself.
7. Commit to moving on
Only once you’ve fully committed to something can you actually make it happen. Commit to moving on from your ex—if you commit to it, you can do it. Sure, it may take time, but what doesn’t? If you really want to move on for good, it’s imperative that you stay focused on healing and moving forward. Commit to moving on. If you don’t, that lack of commitment is only going to prolong the hurt you’re experiencing now. You don’t have to stay stuck on your ex forever, and you have the power within you to finally let go, heal, and move on once and for all.
8. Get your feelings out
One of the worst things you can do is keep your emotions in, which is why it’s important that you get them out. You can do this through things such as journaling about or meditating on your feelings, or confiding in a trusted loved on. Releasing what you’re feeling inside will make it easier to let go and get over your ex for good.
However, with that being said, the truth is that, sometimes, no matter how much or how hard we try, our emotions are too tangled for us to untangle on our own. This is where the help of a professional can be beneficial. A trained professional (like a therapist or counselor) will be able to help you work through and untangle any complex emotions you’re struggling with, and help you move on. Remember that there’s absolutely no shame in seeking help from an expert, and doing so may speed up the healing process and lead you to bigger and better things faster than if you did it on your own.
