Struggling With Intimacy? This Will Help

Intimacy is such an important part of all relationships. Most people think of sex when they hear this, but the truth is, it goes way beyond that—even in sexual relationships. That special bond is both mental and physical, and when one or both partners are struggling with intimacy, it can be detrimental to their relationship.

Fear of intimacy is a fear of closeness. This is typically subconscious and can stem from things like childhood trauma, trauma in general, parental neglect, and so on.

Additionally, this fear can also manifest in many ways. Someone may long for closeness yet turn around and sabotage their relationships; others may find comfort in serial dating because they’re scared of commitment. Likewise, some struggle with sex and physical closeness, while others crave it incessantly. Whatever the case may be, someone struggling with intimacy will have difficulty exposing their true self and getting close to their partner.

Regardless of the reasoning, fear of intimacy can be overcome even if you’re in a relationship. In fact, if two people are willing to work together and overcome this challenge, they’ll be better for it. And the good news is that overcoming a fear of intimacy goes way beyond the bedroom. Keep on reading to learn how to overcome a fear of intimacy with these 7 steps.

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Struggling with intimacy? This will help:

1. Come to terms with your circumstances

You can’t begin to work through anything if you’re in denial, so if you, your partner, or both of you are struggling with intimacy, the first step to breaking free from that fear is coming to terms with the circumstances and accepting them as they are. Think about your upbringing and any life-changing events you’ve experienced to try and pinpoint where this fear of intimacy may stem from. Look at your behavioral patterns in relationships; have you unknowingly sabotaged them? Do you crave the feelings of security and love that a relationship can offer you? Do you have a hard time accepting those kinds of emotions?

That being said, though it’s OK to look back on your past and try to figure out where this fear might stem from, it’s important not to get lost in the blame game. At the end of the day, as an adult, you are ultimately responsible for your life. Your past doesn’t have to define your present or your future, and coming to terms with your current circumstances is the first step in finally moving on.

2. Communicate openly and often

Words open us up to emotional connections and give us glimpses into another persons’ psyche. Make sure you’re both taking the time to talk each day, even if it’s about something as trivial as discussing how work went that day. If your partner is struggling with intimacy, this will show them that you’re invested in their life and care about them, no matter how large or trivial the subject may be.

Additionally, communicating openly and often about small, day-to-day things will make it easier to open up about more important, serious topics. It will also help you break down walls and learn how to work through things together with communication. No matter what you’re talking about, try to be mindful and present, and always talk to each other with respect and love.

3. Show affection

Touch plays a major role in helping us feel loved, secure, and safe. Make sure that you and your S.O are being affectionate with each other daily. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures or PDA—you can start slowly with a kiss on the cheek, a hug after you get home from work, a quick kiss goodbye, etc. This is especially helpful for someone struggling with physical intimacy, as it shows them that their partner’s love and desires aren’t purely sexual. In addition to that, doing this will also slowly allow the person struggling with intimacy to open up, which will eventually translate to the bedroom.

4. Take things slow and be patient

Isn’t it funny that we live in a world where it’s totally normal to open ourselves up for a one night stand before showing someone who we really are? When you stop and think about what a hookup entails, the gesture is shockingly intimate; yet it’s something that we all do with such carelessness and ease.

Be patient with one another; give the party struggling with intimacy time to feel comfortable before taking things to the next level, regardless of whether or not you’ve already been or are currently being intimate together. Try to go on a sex cleanse and take things back to basics. Establishing a safe environment for someone struggling with intimacy is going to give them the kind of security that will allow them to open up eventually.

5. Spend one-on-one time together

One-on-one time is what’s going to help give you that special connection and ultimately bring the two of you closer together. This will also help reignite any passions that may have become dormant, and remind both of you why you fell for each other in the first place.

6. Prioritize sexual satisfaction

Prioritizing each other’s wants and needs and meeting them in the bedroom will make both of you feel loved and important. No one wants to feel discarded or like their needs don’t matter, nor do they want to feel like they’re just going through the motions during and after sex. Taking all the steps mentioned above in addition to prioritizing sexual satisfaction will help establish a good, strong, and healthy connection mentally and emotionally will then translate to the bedroom as well.

7. Seek professional help

If intimacy is something that you’ve been struggling with and tried to overcome but haven’t been able to, consider seeking professional help. This can be done on your own or with your partner. Someone trained to deal with a fear of intimacy will be able to go deeper and give you the tools to overcome this fear. Your future self will thank you for taking the time to heal, as you’ll eventually be able to open yourself up intimately, both mentally and physically.

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DISCLAIMER:

The information in this article is intended for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical or professional advice. Always consult a physician or any other professional health care provider regarding any health or wellness questions you may have, and before beginning or trying a new health, lifestyle, or wellness regimen.

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