The Signs of Someone Who Is Emotionally Unavailable

There’s no denying that dealing with an emotionally unavailable person can be exhausting. Oftentimes, they’ll leave you at arms length so you can tiptoe around their emotional boundaries, while you’re trying (and failing) to get closer and closer to them. It’s an emotional roller coaster ride that often leaves you wondering whether or not you’ve done something wrong or you’re the problem (spoiler alert: you’re not).

According to Women’s Health, an emotionally unavailable person has a hard time receiving love and other deep emotions from others. They have major difficulty even acknowledging what’s going on in their own head—never mind acknowledging or attempting to empathize with what’s going on in someone else’s. Rather than open up and form a real connection, they’ll shrink away instead.

Decoding whether or not you’re with someone who’s emotionally unavailable can be tricky. Thankfully, there are a few telltale signs that can help give you clarity on your situation. Keep on reading to learn then 7 signs of someone who’s emotionally unavailable, and how to deal.

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7 signs of someone who’s emotionally unavailable:

1. They’re inconsistent

People who are emotionally unavailable often send mixed messages and are hot-and-cold when following through with plans. There may be one day where they’re fully present, involved, and reliable, and another where you can barely get a word out of them or have extreme difficulty reaching them.

2. They frequently use the word “timing”

It’s true that many people meet their forever person and don’t get together with them right away. Sometimes it’s because one or both of them is currently in a different relationship, they live on opposite ends of the country, etc. However, when they do have the opportunity to be together, though, they take it.

Someone who’s actively pursuing and spending time with you shouldn’t be referencing “timing.” It’s fine if they’re not ready to be in a relationship, but they shouldn’t be wasting your time. It’s unfair to both of you.

3. They avoid commitment

Although there are many reasons why someone won’t define the relationship, at the end of the day, if someone truly cares about you, they’ll want to be with you. They’ll want to show you off to the world and they will, proudly.

4. You’re the one who’s always reaching out

If you’re the one who’s always reaching out, take that as a warning sign. Solid relationships are all about give and take, and you can’t be the only one giving while they take, take, take. Someone who isn’t comfortable with being vulnerable will be more prone to doing this.

5. They blame their ex for everything

We all have baggage, but someone who’s mature and healed from whatever happened in their past will not bring that baggage into a new relationship. Any time someone references and/or blames their ex for their current state of mind, it’s a major red flag, and a sign they’re emotionally unavailable.

6. They’re defensive

Emotionally unavailable people tend to get defensive over everything because they hate feeling exposed. If any part of them or any emotion seems to be out in the open, they’ll blow up and lash out at those around them. They do this instead of confronting and dealing with how they truly feel.

7. They’re not there when you need them

Emotionally unavailable people tend to be just that—unavailable—when you truly need them. They tend to put physical distance between the two of you—like being conveniently away from their phone when you call them, ignoring your texts for hours on end, and so on and so forth—in order to mask their emotional distance.

Additionally, they also tend to have difficulty dealing with topics they consider “heavy” because they lack the ability to deal with their own challenging and confusion emotions. When you’re in a relationship you should be able to lean on your partner. An emotionally unavailable person will tend to either avoid difficult emotions altogether, or struggle to empathize with you and how you’re feeling, and ultimately end up brushing you off.

Related: Big Ego? Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

What to do:

It is not difficult to fall for someone who’s emotionally unavailable. Being with this kind of person tends to leave you feeling hurt, frustrated, and sad. You often find yourself confused over the relationship and their actions, and whether or not their behavior is a reflection on you—which it absolutely is not.

How to deal with someone who’s emotionally unavailable:

The most important thing to remember is that it is not your job to make someone open up and love themselves enough to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Most of the time, if someone’s emotionally unavailable, they’ve been that way long before they met you, and it will take some deep, hard work to overcome that. Again: it’s not your responsibility.

If you truly love them and want to try and make it work, consider seeking couples therapy. A therapist will be a good buffer for the two of you, and make it easier for your partner to open up. It’ll also give you both more insight into each other.

At the end of the day, though, keep in mind that sometimes stepping away is the best option. Will it be difficult? Yes. Will it hurt? Yes. But will it be worth it in the end? Absolutely. Make a clean break and cut ties so you can protect yourself.

How to avoid someone who’s emotionally unavailable:

Knowing the signs mentioned above, as well as potential dating red flags is a good place to start when navigating the dating scene. Of course nothing is foolproof and there will always be exceptions to the rule, but knowing what to look for will help you make better decisions overall. Being upfront with someone after a few dates can also be helpful and give you more clarity and insight as to what the other person’s looking for.

Love can be confusing and sometimes challenging, and relationships take work, but neither one of them should hurt. They shouldn’t leave you feeling unsettled and questioning your self-worth. Stay confident in yourself and know your worth when dating, and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.

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DISCLAIMER:

The information in this article is intended for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical or professional advice. Always consult a physician or any other professional health care provider regarding any health, relationship, or wellness questions or concerns you may have.

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