7 Telltale Signs a Relationship Is Toxic

Relationships can bring on intense feelings such as euphoria, joy, and love. Love in itself is a complex emotion that has many forms. Experiencing extreme feelings can be a dizzying experience, and it can blind us to seeing things clearly for what they are. All of this makes it easy for the line between a healthy and unhealthy relationship to get blurred, and makes answering one question all the more difficult: Is this normal, or am I in a toxic relationship?

Spotting toxic behavior isn’t always so simple. The signs are often subtle, and easily fly under-the-radar because there are heightened emotions involved. If you’ve been having thoughts about the behavior of your partner, the state of your relationship, and whether or not everything is normal and healthy, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate the situation for what it is. Even though no two relationships are ever the same, there are clear red flags that all unhealthy relationships have. Keep on reading to learn the 7 telltale signs a relationship is toxic, and what to do to fix it and help yourself.

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7 signs of a toxic relationship:

1. You’re changing yourself, your lifestyle, and habits for them.

In a healthy relationship, both partners love and accept each other for who they are; they don’t want to change the other because they fell in love with everything about them just as it is in the first place. In an unhealthy relationship, one person may want to change the other one to fit their idea of what is “acceptable” and “likable.”

Altering your appearance, clothing choices, mannerisms, daily routines, and overall lifestyle in general for your partner are all red flags, and signs of a toxic relationship.

2. Controlling behaviors.

One of the biggest signs of a toxic relationship is one that is filled with controlling behavior. In addition to forcing someone to change who they are, controlling behavior can also include demanding to know where their S.O is and who they’re with at all times, getting upset when they don’t receive a response right away, tracking their partner’s phone, telling them what they can and can’t do, threatening to leave if their partner goes against their wishes, and advising their S.O on what to wear, how to think, and how to act. These are all red flags in a relationship.

3. Hostile communication and constant fighting.

Communication is everything in relationships, and when it becomes hostile, it turns toxic. Sarcasm, name-calling, insults, put-downs, yelling, giving the silent treatment, punching a wall, or breaking dishes are all examples of hostile communication. Eventually, this typically leads to both people avoiding all forms of communication with one another. Constant fighting and turning everything into a fight are also signs of unhealthy behavior.

If you’re always at odds with your S.O, or find that talking to your partner is difficult, leads to a big blow-up, or is something that you avoid altogether, you’re probably in a toxic relationship. Admittedly, communication is something many people struggle with. If you’re having trouble starting a conversation with your partner and feel as though your communication skills may need work, check out this guide for helpful tips.

4. You’re always stressed.

No relationship should ever leave anyone in a state of constant inner turmoil and emotional distress. When your relationship is stressing you out, it can manifest physically and mentally in many different ways. Weight loss or weight gain, insomnia, disturbed sleep patterns, anxiety, depression, loss of appetite, fatigue, muscle tension, and sickness like feeling like you have a stomach bug are all examples of relationship-induced stress.

Experiencing any of the symptoms mentioned above or anything resembling them are clear indicators that a relationship is toxic, and signs that it needs to come to an end. A relationship should not cause stress or sickness, and one that does is more than just toxic—it’s borderline abusive. Staying in a relationship like this is only going to get worse over time, and hurt you more.

5. There’s a constant feeling of guilt.

In a toxic relationship, one person typically feels guilty 24/7. They have been led to believe everything is their fault—every little fight or disagreement, lack of healthy communication, and everything wrong in the relationship is because of them. This in turn creates a psychological pattern in which the toxic person will lash out, and the victim will placate them by apologizing and taking responsibility when they haven’t done anything wrong in the first place. It’s a very dangerous pattern that also creates a form of emotional addiction: people get addicted to the fighting, the apologizing, and the making up.

If this rings all too true and familiar in your life, take it as a sign that you are not in a healthy relationship, and that it may be is time to make a serious change to protect yourself.

6. Dishonesty and disrespect.

In toxic relationships, it’s common for both partners to be dishonest with one another. The toxic person is usually dishonest because it is in their nature to withhold the truth, and the victim usually chooses to lie to their S.O because they fear the consequences of being honest. The bottom line, though, is that lies, and any form of lying, have no place in a healthy relationship.

Additionally, healthy relationships are full of support and respect for one another, while unhealthy relationships usually lack both of those things. If your partner is chronically late, belittles you in front of others, repeatedly “forgets” things and events that are important to you, or talks down to you, it may be time for you to reconsider what you’re doing sharing your life with this person.

7. Walking on eggshells.

Avoiding conflict by keeping things to yourself, lying to your S.O because you are scared of them and would rather not provoke them and deal with the fallout, and altering yourself to please them are all signs of a toxic relationship. It is exhausting feeling as though you have to walk on eggshells around someone else. Trying to placate someone in an attempt to avoid any possible tension is tiring, and the truth is, you can never truly placate a toxic person. Toxic people will always lash out one way or the other, and there will always be something that provokes them in the end.

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What to do:

No one should ever experience any of the signs mentioned above, and if you are in a toxic relationship, it is not your fault. Toxic relationships are caused by toxic people—not the other way around.

Are all toxic relationships doomed?

No, not necessarily. A healthy relationship can emerge from an unhealthy one if both parties are willing and able to put in the work. Some of this includes: taking responsibility, investing in the relationship and each other, honesty, letting go of the past, developing healthy communication, supporting one another, and getting help from a professional.

However, if only one person is willing to put in the work, the relationship will never change. Sadly, toxic people are rarely ever able to look inside of themselves and take accountability for their actions. They don’t possess the ability of self-reflection.

What’s next?

If there is no change or action that is made, it’s time to say goodbye. It will hurt, yes, but the longer you stay in an unhealthy situation, the more damage and pain you will cause yourself. Additionally, the longer a toxic relationship goes on, the more likely it is to turn to abusive. Some signs of an abusive relationship include:

• Physical violence
• Verbal or emotional abuse
• Separation from friends and family
• Interference with school/work
• Gaslighting
• Threats or physical intimidation
• Financial restriction

In conclusion…

Coming to terms with the fact that you are in an unhealthy relationship can be a difficult thing to do. It’s natural to want to see the best in your romantic partner and have the relationship you’re invested in succeed, but it should never come at a cost to you.

Toxicity and abuse have no place in any relationship. If you are experiencing any form of abuse or the signs mentioned above, contact a trusted loved one for assistance creating an exit plan. If you feel as though you are in imminent danger, contact your local authorities; they will help you get out of there. Remember: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for experiencing any toxicity or abuse, and anyone who tells you otherwise is in the wrong. You are not responsible for someone else’s behavior. The blame lies fully on them. The longer you stay in a toxic relationship, the more difficult it will be to say goodbye. If you’re the only one showing up and putting in the work, do yourself a favor and cut the cord so you can heal, move on, and have a healthy relationship with a partner who deserves you.