Getting Engaged Soon? These Are the 9 Important Topics To Discuss

Let’s be real: Any day and time of year is a great time to get engaged. However, with Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, more and more people are planning to pop the question or say “yes” to their forever love. But regardless of how long you’ve been together or how sure you are that your partner is the one for you, there are still topics that should be discussed prior to getting engaged.

Make no mistake: Getting engaged is a big deal; it’s not something that should be taken lightly. And talking about these crucial subjects—like finances, children, etc.—before you put a ring on it will help you kick off wedding planning and start your marriage on the right foot.

That being said, if you’re planning on proposing or think your partner’s going to pop the question soon, you’ve come to the right place. Discussing these things ahead of time will help you avoid any unwanted surprises and set you and your partner up for success. Keep scrolling to learn the 9 important topics to talk about before getting engaged.

9 Topics To Discuss Before Getting Engaged:

1. Finances

Money is an emotionally charged topic, but it’s one of the most important ones to talk about with your S.O. Set aside some time to talk openly and honestly together about your financial views, spending habits, and how you’re going to handle finances moving forward. You may not see eye to eye, and that’s OK—that’s why doing this now is key.

Key financial topics to discuss:

• Spending habits
• Debt
• Retirement plans
• The budget for your wedding
• Whether you’re going to combine your accounts or not and why
• Long-term financial goals

2. Children

It’s crucial that you and your partner head into the engagement knowing where each of you stands on having children. This is usually a relationship dealbreaker because most people don’t want to sacrifice or bend their desire to be a parent or not. It might be a hard conversation to have, but it’s so vital. Talk to each other openly and honestly, and don’t make any rash decisions.

That said, if you both want children, now’s the time to discuss how you’d like to raise them, as well as your financial plans for raising a child or children. Every kid in the world deserves and needs to feel safe, and as a parent it’s your job to try and give them that to the best of your ability. Likewise, it’s also a good idea to discuss what you might do if you’re unable to conceive; some people might want to try IVF or surrogacy while others might want to adopt. Whatever you decide, discussing this now will help you successfully move forward.

3. Religion

The role religion plays in your marriage will depend on where each of you stands. For some, it may play a role in how and where you tie the knot; for others, it might not be a factor whatsoever. Talk about your personal views on religion and how you want it to factor into your life together; if you don’t see eye to eye, try to come to a compromise that will make both of you happy.

4. Goals for the future

They say opposites attract, but long-term plans and goals will make or break your relationship. If your dreams for the future look different, it’s going to be hard to make a life together. Having slight differences in totally fine—you don’t have to share everything—but it’s vital that your long-term plans match up.

Take the time to talk about your goals for the future. Discuss your career plans and where you want to live; talk about the different ways you can get there. Likewise, talk about the ways you can support each other as you try and reach those goals. Remember: Your specific goals don’t have to be identical, but your overall general lifestyle aspirations should align.

5. Communication

Building strong communication is something you should do before an engagement and especially before marriage. Learning how to talk and listen to each other now will help you handle trials and tribulations better as a couple. So, think about how you and your S.O communicate now. Are you happy with it? If you want to make some improvements, brainstorm ways in which you can better communicate moving forward. If you need some ideas, check out this guide.

6. What married life will look like

Maybe things will stay the same, maybe they won’t. Either way, it’s a good idea to talk about any changes that may or may not happen once you get married. Think about your life now, and consider the ways it may or may not change once you say “I do.” Your life doesn’t have to change once you’re married, but it may look a little different. Discuss any changes you may or may not want.

7. Plans to keep the spark alive

It’s easy to let romance fall by the wayside when you’re in a long-term relationship, and marriage is no different. However, keeping that spark alive is so vital; it’s what’s going to keep you and your partner connected. There will be times when it’s harder to connect than others—like when you’re busy with work, dealing with a stressful situation, and so on—which is why having a plan to keep intimacy in place is key.

Dedicating and setting aside time to truly be together each week can be helpful for a lot of people. This could be anything from going out to dinner, having a date night at home, or simply sitting down and eating dinner together. None of this has to be fancy—all that matters is that you’re spending time with each other. Scheduling sex can also be extremely beneficial.

8. Family

Family inadvertently plays a big role in all romantic relationships and can influence the way you approach them as well. Think about the family dynamics now. If you’re happy with where everything’s at, great! However, if you’re not, laying it all out in the open now is key. Neither one of you should feel pitted against each other over family. Be honest about any fears or worries you might have, and be kind with your words. This topic may be uncomfortable, but it’s so important; the last thing you want to do is discuss this after you’ve walked down the aisle.

In addition, it’s also important to remember that you and your partner are a team. So when it comes to dealing with family, make sure that you’re a united front at all times.

9. The name change

For some, the name change will be a given, but for others, it might not be so simple. After all, changing your name is a big deal, and you should both be upfront about your thoughts on it. Discuss your reasons for wanting or not wanting to change your name; really hear each other out, and try to come to a compromise where everyone’s happy. There are tons of ways to maneuver around this nowadays, and finding a satisfying solution might be easier than you think.