If you can’t scroll through social media without seeing pops of lime green, you’re not alone. It might be August, but brat summer is still in full swing. And now, sexual wellness brand and retailer Lovers has joined the chat with their exclusive Brat Summer collection featuring stunning lingerie, sex toys, and brat BDSM must-haves in the signature “brat green.”
The idea of talking back or acting like a spoiled child and getting punished for it in the bedroom is nothing new. But the collection got me thinking: What is brat BDSM, exactly?
To answer this question, I asked two sexual wellness experts for their insight. Spoiler alert: Their answers did not disappoint. Ahead, what brat BDSM is along with tips on how to get started, and a sneak peak at Lovers’ exclusive Brat Summer Collection. Keep scrolling to learn more.
Table of Contents
What is Brat BDSM?
According to Founder and Director of Sssh.com, Angie Rowntree, brat BDSM is essentially a variety of BDSM play. In this variation, the submissive partner delights in provoking the dominant partner by being “willfully disobedient”—aka a “brat.” According to Sexologist and Sexual Wellness Expert for Lovers, Marla Renee Stewart, MA, this bratty behavior can be anything from challenging your partner to doing the opposite of what they say and being outright defiant. This arouses the dominant, who relishes being able to “punish” the “bratty sub” in a safe, sane, legal and fully consensual way, Rowntree explained.
Ultimately, this is a consensual power exchange. Since power imbalance is a key aspect of BDSM, “brat play” can be used a multitude of ways in the bedroom, according to Rowntree. Furthermore, Stewart also explained that it’s thrill-seeking behavior; you learn what you can get away with or are purposely defiant because you’re looking for a kinky punishment.
Tips for BDSM and Brat BDSM
Conduct research
When you’re new to something, conducting research so you have a decent understanding of the topic is key, and BDSM is no different. “If you are diving into kink and BDSM, it’s best to do your research,” Stewart said. “This means that you need to read articles, read books, and take classes on kink and BDSM 101 so that you can get the basics.”
Sssh.com is a great place to do this. Rowntree told me that their library has tons of sex ed videos, articles, and podcasts about BDSM. Plus, they also have “how to” BDSM content for beginners, along with more niche content like rope bondage and sensation play.
Understand and respect each other’s limits
Like all sexual encounters, consent and safety are key in brat BDSM. Rowntree explained that once you and your partner have both consented to engaging in this type of play, the next thing you should do is understand and respect each other’s limits. This means discussing boundaries and establishing a safe word or gesture that can be used to call a time-out.
Furthermore, Rowntree also recommends debriefing with your partner after playtime; that way, you and your partner can discuss what you did and didn’t like, share your thoughts on the experience, and so forth. According to Rowntree, this will help build your rapport and trust.
Find your flavor and make it your own
You might feel overwhelmed or pressured to live up to what you think BDSM is, but don’t stress. “Kink is a very, very wide world,” Rowntree said. This means that you can go at your own pace. Rowntree also went on to say that plenty of “vanilla” couples enjoy kinky brat play occasionally without embracing a full-on BDSM lifestyle. “The best thing you can do is find whatever ‘flavor’ you both like—and make it your own,” she said.
Shop Lovers’ Brat BDSM Collection
SEX & MISCHIEF
Brat Charmed Nipple Clamps
Featuring a rose gold chain and rubber tips, these Brat Charmed Nipple Clamps will help you tap into your kinky side while delivering undulated pleasure.
GAIA
Eco Bullet Vibrator
Sustainable sex? Say no more. Made from plant-based material, this external vibe boasts a tapered tip and multiple whisper-quiet speeds and patterns.
SEX & MISCHIEF
Brat Faux Fur Flogger
If you’re missing a kinky toy from your collection, you need this. This flogger features vegan leather falls with faux fur intertwined to soothe the sting and contrast the sensations. It’s perfect for beginners and novices alike, not to mention cute AF, too.
LAPDANCE LINGERIE
Zigzag Mini Dress
Designed with a unique wave pattern to flatter your natural curves, and brat summer’s signature lime green hue, this nylon mini dress is what you need to tap into your sassy side.
NS NOVELTIES
Cosmo Bondage Collar & Leash Set
Bondage, but make it holographic. This set features a fully adjustable collar and detachable leash with a luxe rose gold chain for all your bratty needs and desires.
UNBOUND BABES
Puff Clitoral Suction Vibrator
With 5 intensities and a sleek design, this suction toy will stimulate your most sensitive part in all the right ways—solo or partnered.
STRICT
Bondage Harness with Bows
With this harness, you can wrap yourself or your partner up like a kinky little bow.
Experts Consulted
MEET THE EXPERT
Marla Renee Stewart, MA
Marla Renee Stewart, MA, is an award-winning certified Sexologist and Sexual Strategist, Intimacy and Relationship Coach, and educator with over 20 years’ experience studying human sexuality. She is the owner of Velvet Lips, a sexuality education company, Co-Founder of the Sex Down South Conference, a faculty member at Clayton State University, where she teaches Sociology and Women’s and Gender Studies, and a sexpert for the sexual wellness brand Lovers. She co-wrote The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay with Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, and has been featured on a variety of media outlets, including Netflix’s Trigger Warning with Killer Mike and Love & HipHop Atlanta.
MEET THE EXPERT
Angie Rowntree
Angie Rowntree is the Founder and Director of award-winning ethical porn site made from a woman’s point of view, Sssh.com. Founded in 1999, Sssh.com’s erotic content is based on the desires of its members, which are expressed via the platform’s signature internal survey. Now, 25 years later, Sssh.com is the premier destination for sex-positive erotic content for women and couples. The site also has an extensive library of erotic and audioerotic content, a virtual porn world, member confessions, sex toy and porn pairings, and educational sexual wellness articles.
