How Often Should You Have Sex in a Relationship?

Not only do orgasms feel good, but they can also improve your mood, help you sleep better, and heighten libido. Knowing this, there’s no denying that one of the added bonuses to being in a relationship is having someone you can regularly have sex with. However, once the honeymoon phase ends and the dust settles, sex typically becomes less frequent. This is, of course, because life gets in the way. But even still, it makes you wonder: How often should you really have sex in a relationship?

Truthfully, sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, but it’s not everything. And juggling life is difficult enough without having to worry if you’re sleeping with your significant other enough. Which is why I set out to set the record straight.

What’s considered a ‘normal’ amount of sex in a relationship?

If the amount of studies done on this subject is any indication, the rest of the world is just as curious as you are to answer this question. A 2017 study by the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the average American couple has sex about 54 times per year. This averages out to roughly once per week.

In addition, a 2015 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science studied 30,000 couples over 40 years; the purpose being to determine whether or not more sex led to a happier and healthier life. While the study found that having sex once a week seemed to be the average, more sex than that did not necessarily improve overall well-being. That said, couples who had sex less than once a week were typically less satisfied sexually.

How often should you have sex in a relationship?

In truth, there is no right answer. Although the average American couple has sex about once a week, frequency is wholly dependent on the couple. “I’ve worked with couples who would argue that once a week is too much, and others who would say it’s not nearly enough,” Stefani Goerlich—a licensed social worker and sex therapist—tells Insider.

So what does this mean? It means that having more sex is not going to give you a better relationship, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing it less than once a week. There’s nothing “wrong” with you if you have sex less often but still feel sexually satisfied, nor is it “unhealthy” to do it four times per week. At the end of the day, it’s all subjective.

How to figure out how often you should have sex:

The best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship is to not overthink it. If you’re satisfied sexually, then that’s it—case closed! However, if you’re feeling a bit underwhelmed, it might be a good idea to talk to your partner about it. Regardless of the reasoning—whether it’s due to lack of sex or leaving the bedroom unfulfilled—communication is key.

In addition, make sure you’re not comparing yourselves to other couples. It’s easy to get caught up in the comparison game, but that’s only going to prevent you from feeling joy and create sparks of envy and doubt in you. All that matters, at the end of the day, is that you and your partner are happy with your relationship, sex, and sex life.

Tips to keep your sex life healthy:

Let’s be real: Libido dips from time to time. It’s part of life. That said, though, there are some key things you can do to keep your sex life healthy—regardless of how much you’re having it.

1. Focus on quality over quantity

Having more sex is not going to make your relationship better, which is why focusing on quality over quantity is key. Prioritizing each other’s needs and focusing on foreplay are some surefire ways to boost your sex life.

2. Communicate your needs

If you feel like there’s something lacking, the best thing you can do is let your partner know. Asking your partner for what you want in the bedroom may be intimidating, but it’s vital. Having strong communication outside of the bedroom can also help with this.

3. Try something new

One of the easiest ways to spice up your sex life is trying something new. This can be anything from testing out a new position or place, adding in the use of sex toys, or exploring fantasies. Just be sure to discuss anything new with your partner beforehand to make sure you both feel comfortable and safe. In addition, trying out new things is also a great way to discover what you like or don’t like in bed.

4. Take care of yourself

While having more sex won’t necessarily make you happier, feeling happier will make you want it more. Doing things like minimizing and managing stress, eating right and exercising, and getting enough sleep are some ways you can better take care of yourself. A healthy libido is a sign of a healthy body; taking care of yourself outside the bedroom will translate to your life in it.