Lust vs Love: Do You Know What You’re In?

Lust vs love. There’s a fine line between the two, and that lines often gets blurred. It’s unsurprising when you think about it. Lust tends to be the initial driving force that brings two people together, and lust can lead to love. But in the heat of the moment, it can be hard to determine if you’re in love, or simply lusting after them.

Admittedly, love is all subjective. Everyone has their own love language and definition of what it looks like. But lust is simpler to define: It’s is a strong desire for someone or something.

You’d think it’d be easy to tell the difference between the two, but the truth is, love also comes with strong feelings of desire. It only makes sense that you’d be physically drawn to the person you love. It’s when that attraction gets mistaken for love that everything gets complicated.

So, are you in love with them, or the thought of them? I’ve broken it all down below. Keep scrolling to learn what those differences are, and what to do if you find yourself stuck in lust with someone else.

---

Lust vs. Love: Do You Know What You’re In?

Signs it’s lust:

1. Most of the relationship’s spent being intimate

Admittedly, it can be fun feeling like you can’t keep your hands off of each other—this happens in the honeymoon phase of nearly all relationships—but after a while, if the relationship is mostly spent being physically intimate and the desire is mainly sexual, there’s a good chance it’s lust, not love.

2. You aren’t really attracted to them as a person

The initial attraction that pulls two people together is often physical, but when it’s true love, it’s what’s underneath that’s really going to matter—the looks are just an added bonus. If you’re not attracted to their personality, beliefs, values or who they are as a person but are continuing to see them anyway, you’re probably in lust with them.

3. You’re willing to overlook certain things

Of course all relationships are about give and take, but when you’re in lust with someone else there may be relationship deal breakers you’re willing to overlook. Say one of your relationship deal breakers is the inability to hold down a steady job, you might be willing to overlook that if you’re in lust with someone else. If you were in love with them, though, you’d probably be running for the hills.

4. The connection isn’t very deep

Although you may feel a connection to them—especially a physical one—it’ll still only be surface level when you’re in lust. It won’t give you that emotional and mental connection that true love does. You may only talk about bland things like the weather or what you ate for dinner the other night when you’re in lust.

5. You both keep things on the DL

If you’re seeing someone you’re mainly hooking up with, chances are you’re going to jump at the chance to introduce them to your family or friends—and vice versa. This is usually because deep down, both of you know that there’s really no point. After all, this isn’t a forever thing—and that’s totally fine!

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with having some fun and keeping things short-term, but when you try to form a relationship built on lust, it’s going to be extremely difficult.

Signs it’s love:

1. You’re emotionally and physically attracted to one another

Although lust can sometimes lead to a romantic relationship and love, it doesn’t always. However, if you’re physically and emotionally attracted to one another, you’re most likely in love. That mental connection is what’s going to build emotional intimacy and keep your relationship solid.

2. You share a deep bond and connection

When you’re in love, you share a deep bond and connection with another that goes beyond physical intimacy—it’s a bond that gives you security and strength, and makes you feel comfortable opening up and being vulnerable. You feel like you really know and accept one another wholeheartedly for it (without overlooking your relationship deal breakers), and both of your feel comfortable being yourselves around one another.

3. It’s easy to talk to each other openly and honestly

It’s no secret that communication is key in all relationships. When you’re in love, it’s easy to talk to your partner openly and honestly because you feel OK opening up yourself to them. Both of you will also talk to one another with respect and be willing to hear each other out, no matter what.

4. You care about each other’s life and well-being

When you’re in love, your S.O’s needs and best interests matter to you, and vice versa. You genuinely care about their well-being and life, and want them to succeed and be happy.

5. You know each other’s friends and family

True love is long-term, and you’ll want to shout it from the rooftops and show off your new beau to your inner circle. If someone matters to you and you’re with them for the long-haul, you’ll want to and will introduce them to your family and friends, and they’ll do the same for you. This shows that you’re both invested in each other’s lives.

In conclusion…

Lust is almost always driven by physical desire; it can become almost unhealthy and lead to possessiveness in relationships and isn’t long-term. Love, on the other hand, is an emotional experience and connection; it isn’t possessive or unhealthy or demanding. Lust by itself is short-term, although it is possible for lust to lead into love.

If you’re in lust:

Lust isn’t guaranteed to lead you to love, but if you find yourself in lust with someone else and want to try and take things a step further and explore whatever connection is there already, there are some things you can do. Try to get to know them a little better; ask them about their life and childhood, what their life goals, hobbies, and passions are. Learn who they are underneath the exterior.

You can also try talking to them more frequently throughout the day and see how they respond. If they respond as quickly as possible and seem engaged in the conversation, maybe there’s potential there. If you want to take it a step further, you could even try going on a date; that’ll help you really see whether or not there’s real chemistry between you two.

At the end of the day, though, if this stuff doesn’t work, just know that whatever fling you’re in isn’t for the long-run. If you know that and are OK with it, then go ahead and keep on fun! Eventually, the right person will come along and it’ll all make sense.

If you’re not OK with knowing that whatever fling you’re in isn’t going to last and you want more, you may want to consider taking a step back and cooling things off in the relationship for a little while. Sitting around and waiting for something that isn’t there is only going to hurt you in the long run. The right person won’t make you wait, and when they do come along, neither one of you will be able to keep your hands off of each other at the beginning, either.