It’s been said time and time again that when you meet the one, you’ll just know it. You won’t need to think about it or force it, it’ll just be there. But what happens when you have those feelings, and all of the bliss you anticipated isn’t anywhere to be found?
It’s easy for us to confuse true love with an addiction. When you’re addicted to something—specifically someone—you’re going to have those strong, intense feelings, while feeling like you’re on a roller coaster ride of highs and lows. Although in the moment it may feel like it, addiction is not true love. Addictions also have a tendency to spiral into toxic relationships, making it so you’ll be the one who gets hurt and emotionally damaged the most in the end.
Are you in love, or are you just addicted to your partner? Below are the signs that differentiate the two, and how you can best handle the situation you’re in to protect yourself and your heart the most.
Signs It’s True love:
- If it’s true love, getting your S.O to reciprocate your feelings, treat you well, and respect you won’t be like pulling teeth. When two people are in love, they both want to make the other person feel special 100% of the time. True love will also show in the way your partner respects and accepts you for who you are. Love isn’t circumstantial, and it isn’t defined by only the “good” qualities of a person—it’s defined by taking all of the good, bad, quirks, and vibrancies of another individual and loving them fiercely anyway. True love comes naturally, the feelings don’t have to be forced.
- Another sign you’re truly love is when your happiness outweighs everything. All relationships have their ups and downs, it’s perfectly normal to quarrel every once in awhile (even if it is over something stupid and minuscule); there may be bumps in the road, but there should never be downright bad or dark times. You and your S.O may come to a crossroads where one of you is in a really dark place—i.e alcohol or drug abuse and addiction, losing a job, sickness, etc.—but you should never feel like you’re in a dark place because of your relationship. Couples can get through dark times together with the help and support of one another; but the relationship shouldn’t suck the light out of you completely. In addition, when love doesn’t hurt you or isn’t painful, that’s a good indicator you’ve found the real thing.
- Lastly, when someone doesn’t take you for granted, take that as a sign that they’re truly in love with you, and what’s between the two of you is genuine. Someone who cares for you won’t forget to cherish you and won’t realize until after you’re gone what they had all along. They’ll know what they have when it’s right in front of them, and therefore make an effort to keep it that way.
How to hold on to it:
If the signs listed above are ones that you can relate to, there’s a pretty good chance you’ve found something special. Now that you’ve found something special, you also want to make sure you hold on to it.
One thing that I see couples do all the time, that you should never stop doing, is putting work into your relationship. All too often I see people get way too comfortable with each other to the point that they become lazy and stop making an effort in both themselves and their relationship. Even if you’ve been with someone a long time, they still deserve to feel like wanted. If it’s true love, making an effort won’t feel like a chore—it’ll come naturally.
Another way to ensure you hold on to your relationship is by making sure you always communicate with your S.O. Bottling things up and exploding down the road is only going to do more harm than good. Love is complicated, human beings even more so, which means that there never is a right or wrong way to feel. Communicating any and all feelings to your partner will also let them know exactly where you stand in the relationship, and also help remind them how grateful you are to have them in your life.
Lastly, it’s important that your S.O knows how much you love them. You can show this in a number of ways, but sometimes randomly telling them “I love you” is enough. My boyfriend and I will randomly say “I love you” to each other throughout the day, whenever one of us leaves the house, and every night before we go to bed. Those three simple words have so much meaning, and you won’t ever regret making it known how you feel about your partner. Remember, you know your partner best; you know how to show them just how special they are to you, and how much you really love them.
Signs it’s just an addiction:
- One sign you may be confusing true love for an addiction is when you find yourself going back for more even though you know you shouldn’t. You may find that time and time again you’re dealing with being disrespected, someone who’s mean to you or treats you cruelly, and crying more and more often. It’s easy to overlook these things and continue moving on anyways because you feel like you love that person and want to make the relationship work, but you’re not really in love. Sure, love is complex, confusing, and, at times, difficult; but it won’t ever break you down and make you sad more often than happy.
- Another telltale sign of an addiction is when you find yourself feeling like you’re on the longest roller coaster ride in the world. If you find that when your relationship is good it’s really good, and that when it’s bad it’s really really bad; that’s a big, flashing warning sign. True love will meet someone in the middle and deal with slight bumps in the road, not keep you on a never-ending ride where you don’t know if you’re up or down.
- If you find yourself breaking up only to make up, take that as a sign that you need to get out. Breaking someone’s heart only to put it back together again isn’t a game that you should be a part of it. True love won’t get you stuck in that vicious cycle and won’t make you feel heartbroken all the time. Taking a break is one thing, repeatedly breaking up and making up with someone is another.
What to do:
As heartbreaking as it may be, it must be said: a relationship built on an addiction to someone else is not going to have a happy ending. You don’t deserve that viscous cycle, and one that’s going to only end in toxicity and heartbreak—no one does. Addiction to a person or a relationship is going to destroy you. True love won’t destroy you, addiction will.
One of the hardest but most vital things you can do to remove yourself from this type of situation is by ending things for good. Yes, it’s going to suck; yes, it will be hard; and yes, it will be heartbreaking, but if the signs listed above are relatable, then you most likely already know what it’s like to go in circles with someone else. My previous relationship was awful, abusive, and absolutely destroyed me. I kept holding out hope and going back because I thought I was “in love.” Years removed now, I can see how much of that “love” I felt was purely an addiction. You can be addicted to someone and not know it, which is why it’s important you recognize and listen to the warning signs so you can get out before you lose everything—including yourself. Had my dad not blocked my ex’s phone number and all social media, I don’t know if I would’ve been able to get myself out of that viscous cycle. I was in too deep, I couldn’t see things clearly. This type of relationship happens all too often, and we need to stop letting it happen.
To truly remove yourself from an addiction, you need to cut the cord. Blocking someone on absolutely everything is a means to protect yourself and stop you from falling back into old habits again. It may seem dramatic, but when it comes to your heart, soul, mental health, and well-being, there is nothing too extreme. Seeing or talking to someone will give them an in, and you’ll find yourself starting all over again, only to end up exactly where you are now.
Don’t ever forget your self-worth, and don’t allow yourself to settle. Although it may seem like the pain could swallow you whole, remember that one day you are going to find someone who truly loves you and will treat you well. I had to go through a relationship that destroyed me in order to get my Prince Charming. I truly believe that there is someone out there for everyone, and one day someone will come along who recognizes your value and will embrace all of you, flaws and all.
