Everyone’s heard it. A partner does something nice for you and all the people around you suddenly cheer, “Oh! Look at you! You’ve found a keeper!” Though those small acts are nice, how do you really know if you’ve truly found a keeper, someone who’s worth putting your stock into?
While every relationship is different, there are undoubtedly the same traits across the board that make up the foundation of a good one. Trust, communication, acceptance, unconditional love… the list goes on and on. I’ve broken down the signs of someone who’s emotionally unavailable, whether or not your relationship is worth fighting for, how you’ll know if your relationship’s gone stale, and more—now it’s time to figure out if you’ve found someone who’s worth the risk and investment.
Below I’ve broken down all the signs of someone who’s worth your time, the next moves you should make once you find that person, how to navigate everything after the honeymoon phase, and the best way to protect your heart.
Signs they’re worth your time:
- They get you. If you’ve found someone who’s genuinely interested in you as a person, your life, and is capable of understanding you even when you can’t understand yourself, you’ve found someone who is definitely worth your time. I swear my boyfriend and I can pinpoint exactly what’s going on in the other ones head before we’re able to figure it out ourselves. I know when my boyfriend’s down or off without him even saying anything, and vice versa. Having a partner who’s naturally attuned to your vibration creates smooth sailing for your relationship, and the ability to communicate without talking is really something special.
- They’re patient and listen to you. If someone has the ability to listen to you about anything without taking things personally, making it about themselves, or looking at it only from their POV (you know, when they give you their own opinion and feelings and how they’d react when you’re just trying to vent), then they’re someone who’s worth your time. Having a partner who is patient and understanding with you will be helpful whenever you’re going through something or you hit a rough patch as a couple. Being able to lend someone a listening ear and do it in a way that makes the other person feel safe and comfortable shows a level of maturity and self-awareness that most 50 year olds don’t even possess.
- They don’t put you down. Let’s just get it out there: everyone’s a little weird; what really defines “normal” anyway? All of us have our own quirks that make us who we are. There’s a Sex and the City episode where Miranda is relieved and happy when she finally gets her trashy, gossip magazine. After she sits down on the couch to read it, her partner, Steve, says to her: “I can’t believe you actually read that crap.” Miranda just looks at him and says something along the lines of, “It’s my thing, let it go.” I was watching this episode with my boyfriend, and after that scene he said to me, “I can’t imagine either one of us ever saying something like that to each other, neither one of us would ever put the other one down for anything.” Up until that point that was something I’d never really thought about, but he was right. You’ve probably found a keeper if you’ve found someone you’re comfortable enough to be yourself around because they won’t belittle you for it.
- Nothing is forced. A relationship and bond that happens between two people naturally is something that’s worth the time and energy investment. Relationships shouldn’t be a struggle, you shouldn’t feel like getting your partner to help you out with something is the equivalent to having teeth pulled. My boyfriend has been by my side at all of my doctors appointments for my neck and shoulder. Whenever I have an upcoming appointment, I don’t ask him if he will come with me for support and help, and he doesn’t ask me if I want him there—it’s something unspoken between us. He knows that these appointments are the times that I need him with me the most. I can’t think of many people I know who would be there that much for their S.O without any complaints or hesitation. A good partner is someone who wants to be there for you; they offer to be by your side when you need it because they want to be there for you—that’s what a true partnership is.
Your next moves:
If you’ve found someone who checks off every trait listed above, congrats, you’ve found someone worth putting your time and energy into! Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there; in 2020, honestly and vulnerability is sexy. If you think you’re not ready for a relationship yet, take a step back. Don’t be afraid to take more time for yourself, you’ll know in your heart when you’re ready to put yourself out there again.
Now that we’ve established that, let’s talk about the honeymoon phase.
In all relationships there is a honeymoon phase, every couple goes through it. The term honeymoon phase refers to the time at the beginning of a new relationship when you both view each other as absolute perfection, attractions and passion are at an all-time high, and you both are very much head-over-heels in love with each other. For some couples, the honeymoon phase lasts longer than others, but it eventually comes to an end for everyone—or so they say.
The time after the honeymoon phase has ended is the time when most people show their true colors, and now’s the time to figure out if this person is still worth your time.
It’s not uncommon for people to show only the best side(s) of themselves at the beginning of a relationship. You may find someone who, at first, ticks off every checkpoint in the list above, but suddenly find that they’re a completely different person altogether. You realize that it was all just an act, and you fell for it. We’ve all been there, it happens to the best of us, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
If you find yourself in this position and hear the warning signs going up in the back of your head, listen to them. You may be sad because you’ve invested yourself and your time into this person and relationship, but it’s better to get out now before it’s too late. Someone who’s putting on an act isn’t someone you want as your partner anyway, and you’ll spend the remainder of your relationship wondering who this person in your life really is.
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Now, though that intense love, passion, and attraction may simmer down a bit after the initial honeymoon phase, if someone’s truly worth your time those overall feelings of excitement won’t change. They also won’t suddenly switch up and become a totally different person. You’ll find that you’re beginning to see more of their quirks, and you may get into stupid little spats, but the traits that make them a good partner won’t disappear. Speaking from experience, though the honeymoon phase in my relationship ended long ago, the excitement, passion, and attraction is still as strong as ever—we’re just not clawing at each other 24/7 like we did in the beginning. In fact, I think we’re more in love now than ever. That’s what happens in a healthy relationship; the honeymoon phase won’t end, it’ll just simmer down a little bit.
Relationships are like stock, it’s hard to know exactly what’s worth putting your money into unless you’ve learned and studied the stock and chart yourself. However, much like the stock market, you can learn from your mistakes and losses in relationships. This is a guideline for you to follow—someone who’s not displaying the key characteristics mentioned in this post is someone who’s not worth your time because they’re not ready for a relationship. It can be scary, opening your heart up to someone. No one wants to get their heart broken, but heartbreak is a part of life that we all must go through to find what we want. Everyone heals in time, and it will be OK in the end. Being honest with yourself and potential partners will help you protect your heart. Downplaying what you’re looking for or want out of a S.O isn’t going to help anything. Put yourself out there and take risks, you never know what could happen.
