Have you ever spent time around someone who leaves you feeling like you need a hot bath, long nap, or vacation in their wake? They’re not necessarily doing anything wrong or are a bad person, there’s just something about them that, well, exhausts you. This can leave you feeling guilty, confused as to how they could be a good person deep down, and still somehow manage to suck the life right out of you. You may start wondering if this feeling has more of a reflection on you than them. But after a while, it’s going to become clear: you’re dealing with an energy vampire.
Energy vampires are essentially people who suck all of the energy right out of you, and leave you feeling drained in their wake. This can be disconcerting, especially if these people are ones that you’re close to (like your family members or family members’ S.O’s). But how do you really know you’re dealing with an emotionally draining person? I’ve broken down the telltale signs of one, why they’re so draining, and how to handle one going forward.
Signs of an emotionally draining person:
- They have intense, high, nervous energy. People who have a high energy to begin with are going to be draining because they’re essentially on an adrenaline high. Now, combine that with added intense, nervous energy, and you have a recipe for disaster. Emotionally draining people tend to be overly dramatic, they make mountains out of molehills.
- They lack boundaries and self-awareness. Emotionally draining people often tend to be pushy and overbearing; their behavior and presence can feel intrusive. They’re the kind of person who won’t take no for an answer, and won’t stop until they get what they want. They feel the need to assert themselves into every inch of your life. With this behavior also comes a lack of self-awareness. Energy vampires typically don’t know how far they’re pushing the envelope, and their lack of self-awareness will also them to be persistent in getting what they want.
- They’re extremely demanding. Have you ever heard someone say that someone else’s energy lights up the room, and takes up so much space? Emotionally draining people are the same way—but not in a good way. Their presence takes up so much space that it demands your attention. You know that they’re there. They’re incapable and discontent with sliding into the background. They can also be verbally demanding.
- They’re always negative. If you only ever look at the glass as being half empty, you’re going to be exhausted. Constant negativity isn’t good for anyone, and emotionally draining people are full of negative energy. They always talk about problems in their life and the world, they don’t focus on the positives in life, and they spread their negativity out into the world. They somehow manage to paint bleak pictures of everything.
- They want all the attention. Since energy vampires typically aren’t content idling in the background, they’ll make sure that they get all the attention they crave. This will usually comes from them one-upping everyone, self-deprecating jokes, acting like a know-it-all, and even complaining about their own problems. All of these things turn the attention back onto themselves. It’s exhausting listening to someone complain about anything and everything, and talk about themselves all the time.
- They’re incapable of staying calm. Emotionally draining people go from 0-100 in a matter of seconds. They don’t know how to stay calm and in control of their emotions, and their energy winds up the people around them. They don’t know how. To relax, sit still, and just be.
- They don’t get you. Energy vampires tend to stay caught up in themselves, and they won’t take the time to understand you and how you’re different from them. Instead, they’ll force their own views and beliefs onto you rather than taking the time to try and understand who you really are.
- They make excuses. An emotionally draining person will have no problem “venting” about their frustrations/problems in life, but thy won’t do anything to fix it. Instead, they’re content with continuing to complain about the same things over and over again, expecting something to change or to get different results each time.
Why they’re so draining:
Now that we’ve laid out all of the classic traits of a draining person, let’s talk about why, in fact, they are so draining.
The answer is quite simple: because energy vibrates throughout everything in the universe at different frequencies—including human beings. Emotionally draining people typically tend to vibrate at a higher frequency—but not in a good way. Yes, raising and keeping your vibrational energy high can be a good thing, but energy vampires tend to vibrate at a frequency that’s erratic, anxious, and on overdrive, ultimately cancelling any calm, soothing, and positive energy that was in the room before. They suck all of that up, and replace it with their own. People who are emotionally draining have the kind of energy that’s infectious, impossible to ignore, and difficult to not get affected by it.
How to deal:
As I said in the beginning, it can be hard navigating an emotionally draining person, especially if it’s someone who’s close to you. Trust me—I get it. I used to feel like it was my responsibility to not get drained by someone; after all, I can’t control or change other people, I can only control and change the way I react to them. But after awhile I started to realize something: an emotionally draining person makes it practically impossible to not get drained from. It’s because of what they do and how they act, that’s who they are.
All of this may be painting a very bleak picture, and yes, I will admit that there are times I feel so exhausted after being with someone that my entire outlook on life is very dark and bleak, but there are ways I can navigate and cope. I’m not going to never see someone close to me just because they’re an energy vampire, especially when I overall do enjoy their company.
The best thing you can do first and foremost is admit to yourself what they are: an emotionally draining human being. Don’t feel guilty or try to counter it by saying/thinking, “they’re not a bad person, and I’m not trying to say anything bad about them…” because guess what? If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s a f*cking duck. End of story.
Once you’ve admitted that, you’ll be more equipped to handle and fully aware of what you’re walking into. However, setting boundaries is huge when it comes to dealing with an energy vampire. No matter how equipped or prepped you are on the situation, you won’t be able to prevent the life from being sucked out of you after a long period of time. This is why it’s important to set boundaries and limit your time with an emotionally draining person. The more time you spend with them, the more prone you become to mental exhaustion. Make a plan for when you see them. If you know there are certain topics that get them riled up, steer clear of them. Stay calm, and don’t feed into their drama. If they’re continuously one-upping everything in order to draw attention back to themselves, ignore them. Don’t give them the satisfaction of talking about themselves, because they’ll keep doing it. Harsh? Maybe, but it’s important that you take care of yourself.
If you’re really close to an emotionally draining person, don’t be afraid to try talking to them about it. They may hear you out or not, but at least you’ve gotten your feelings out there. Chances are, they’re not aware of their behavior and how it’s making you feel.
Be honest with yourself in the fallout. Once you’re aware of how a person’s energy makes you feel immediately afterwards or even the next couple days, don’t lie to yourself or get angry about what’s going on—you know what it is. Don’t lie to yourself and blame your lack of energy and enthusiasm on something else, that’s only going to make it worse. Admit to yourself what’s going on and why you’re feeling this way, and know that you’ll feel like yourself again soon enough.
All in all, the most important thing you can do is take care of yourself. You need to protect your energy the best way you know how, because you’re the one who has to deal with the fallout.
